Amazing Grace how sweet the sound saved a soul like me

step 5
We admitted to ourselves, God
And another human being

All my
Shame
Anger
Fear
Selfishness
Self pity
Self centredness
Etc etc
In detail

Nothing missed
In return
Grace
No judgement
Unconditional love
Forgiveness
Anonymous

In a further annual houseclean
More recent resentments and fears
Further layers peeled
Revealing deeper and remaining
Shame
Fears
Arrogance
Huge self will
Etc etc
In great detail
Nothing missed again
More grace
No judgement
Forgiveness
Uncondititional love
Anonymously

A few years later
Further layers peeled
Further stuff
Is revealed
Or same stuff
At a deeper level
Again grace
Forgiveness
No judgement
Anonymously

This week
My past stuff
My fears of rejection because
Of my past stuff
became Unbearable
Prolonging the rejection
Became sloth
And so, out of choice!?
Not because they asked me
As part of my application
For my future position
In ministry it became
Essential for me to
Let go absolutely
And reveal stuff i did
Lived and breathed
As part of my experience
Strength and hope
And all i want to do
Is carry message
Give hope
Reach out to the unloveable
Whatever that means
And for my own growth
Continue to be a part of
Church family
Be a part of
Take my coat off and stay
Perhaps when someone
Who comes in with bag of stuff
Which they too feel excludes
Them from church
Can offer them a cuppa tea
And warm welcome
Be responsible
Not anonymously

It is gods will i go into ministry
I am afraid of not being able to
Communicate whats needed
I am afraid of being misunderstood
I am afraid of rejection

Like my sponsor said
Its just stuff

Yeh i opened right up this week
Gave them my bag of stuff
In greater details
All stuff i done
No holding back
Yet honesty that i dont do
This stuff now
And have no wish to go back to it
Human acceptance is lovely
They understood and still
Gave me the application to fill in
Anyway !!!

Complete honesty
Is essential in certain circumstances
Not everyone can deal with it
Not everyone needs to hear it
But in this instance
Wisdom to know the difference
Came to me with clarity

Stop being so nice to me!!!!!!!!

Seems my calling is evident
I am a messenger
I love people
Peoples suffering makes me cry
I cant fix people
But i dont run off
Walking alongside is such a gift
And being walked next to
At the same time is priceless

God is amazing
AA is awesome
Fellowship rocks !!

:-)

Again

No meeting? Read a story in big book - connect with

Last night i made decision
To go home
Not home group
Had done responsible
Made others aware of
Posibility
Made sure, as i could be
My roles would be filled
This left me free to choose

Anylengths ?
Common sense prevails
Not bunking off
Not sloth
Not dishonesr
Not avoiding
They shut my station due to weather
London tube unreliable
Therefore i made way home
While i could
What this tell me?
I can delegate!? Let go of baton
I dont have to run show
I dont have anythng to prove
Our group is committed
We are there for each other
And the newcomer
None of us is in charge
Meeting went on inspite of
weather n me :-)

I was gutted to not go
There's times when i miss
My friday eve crew
And times when i dont!!
Yo grow to love your homegroup
Buddies, they are friends
I asked them to think of me
In few moments of silence

Also gutted cos i need a hair cut!!
I have photo taken sunday
And wanted it how i want it!!
No vanity in my defects!! :-)

Went home n read story from big book
My experience is reading a story outloud
Connects me with You
Everytime, sometimes i need to read
More than one
But it works
Everytime

Anyway anylengths
Going home not going to meeting
Going without haircut not giving into vanity
Making time at home to read big book story
Meditate on its relevance to me
Feel gratitude for AA

Make space for Grace

I find Written Step10's 
show my willingness 
to be still and accept who is God
and spend quality time unloading 
so the sunlight can flood in

Spending time Writing 
takes effort and humility
Spot checks are essential 
and do very real good
However i can twist and
Choose to be selective

writing is what brings about real relation with HP/universe/heart/god
which in turn brings about
very real change
I find

my will in line with Gods
in Gods time
He is very patient
Thankfully 

Step 10's
Help me see the truth
Save me my job
Give me better perspective
See my defects
Help me grow
Help me change

Help me move on
Help me let go
Help me see what i am doing
Help me see what i am not doing

Look at things from an other angle
See that i can always do better

See deeper insights
Leave space for grace

Thank God for Step 10