Feels like a purge going on...
no idea what
getting in touch with
deep something but not really knowing
what
still vague
the beginnings of a song came
at weekend
I wonder if its related
didnt push what I thought
I SHOULD be doing
and just did
I am exhausted
When they say mentally drained
is that because all thought
all the spin has disappeared
no sign of thinking going on
this is much deeper
between heart and soul
not head and heart
blurred tho
no clarity
still deep
recorded song
even this feels fake
even this feels like
what I feel when I sing
the moment has passed
and so does it still
mean anything?
are my songs a lie even?
I remember feeling like this before
first time in recovery was
during step 5
sitting with sponsor
airing my resentments and defects
and being opened up further
to explore angles and alternative
ways of thinking I could never
have come up with myself
hence the need to do steps WITH a sponsor
the challenges it brings
to look at my thinking and behaviour
from an entirely different angle
and then to actually take this on board
accept its worth a shot and may actually
be a better way
then putting in the action and letting go
of the outcome
yeh the results were phenominal
and continue to be
Sleep, dreams, nightmares
same old same old
Trust the process
continue to continue
keep on keeping on
its all as it should be!
Showing posts with label Step 3. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Step 3. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Love
Is not about fixing
ita about walking along side
living in the truth
being shown the truth
accepting the truth
not being a victim
being a volunteer
a volunteer in Gods plan
being a witness to what God
is capable of
being a channel
handing over my will
entirely, completely
absolutely
anylengths
is not hiding
avoiding
being considerate of others
why worry my family
when theres nothing to tell
day at a time
keep it real
i feel very grateful
to be surrounded in all my affairs
vertically and horizontally
from above and on the earth
surrounded with Love
ita about walking along side
living in the truth
being shown the truth
accepting the truth
not being a victim
being a volunteer
a volunteer in Gods plan
being a witness to what God
is capable of
being a channel
handing over my will
entirely, completely
absolutely
anylengths
is not hiding
avoiding
being considerate of others
why worry my family
when theres nothing to tell
day at a time
keep it real
i feel very grateful
to be surrounded in all my affairs
vertically and horizontally
from above and on the earth
surrounded with Love
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Coming Down from the Holiday...
The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. P152
Even though my holiday
has not actually been celebrations in the conventional sense
it has been out of the usual routine
Many "firsts"
I have spent time with many friends
that I have never spent Christmas/New Year with
enjoyable
relaxing
doing
feeling
chilling
listening
exciting
acknowledging how I am doing or not
acknowledging how I am being or not
Yep am feeling the usual
back to work
is that it?
now what?
must arrange a heap of social stuff
must do
must do
must do
yet this is a trap!
Intuitively I know this ...
busyness does not lead to contentment
it is doing in a useful sense
without resentment
that changes the way I feel
as opposed to doing pleasing stuff as a fix really
or under obligation
or as an impulse reaction due to tiredness
Am I Hungry?
Am I Angry?
Am I lonely?
Am I Tired?
To go against the feeling
I am lacking
not doing enough
spiritual pride that I am not doing, yet others are, therefore I am lacking
and just
"Be still and know You are God" Psalm 46:10
take time to pray and listen
ask some questions
what Is Your Will for me this year/week/today?
what is You Will for me in the workplace?
at home
in my family
at church
friends
"God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" p63
Where do I fallshort at present?
What do I need Gods help with
What can I do for myself and am not?
What do I need God to grant me willingness to do?
What do I need to surrender absolutely?
What defects were at play in 2009
what do I need to ask God to work on
What do I need to let him work on
How do You want me to spend my time?
Do I need to stop anything?
How are my relationships?
What am I fearful of?
What is my experience of the outcome of that fear?
Is it False Evidence Appearing Real?
Has my fears come true?
Or has God provided what I needed?
What do I need to discuss wiuth another person?
Which is the most appropriate person?
Dont know? Then ask God please put them in my path...
Pray Earnestly
remain Open
and Listen
Hear
Even though my holiday
has not actually been celebrations in the conventional sense
it has been out of the usual routine
Many "firsts"
I have spent time with many friends
that I have never spent Christmas/New Year with
enjoyable
relaxing
doing
feeling
chilling
listening
exciting
acknowledging how I am doing or not
acknowledging how I am being or not
Yep am feeling the usual
back to work
is that it?
now what?
must arrange a heap of social stuff
must do
must do
must do
yet this is a trap!
Intuitively I know this ...
busyness does not lead to contentment
it is doing in a useful sense
without resentment
that changes the way I feel
as opposed to doing pleasing stuff as a fix really
or under obligation
or as an impulse reaction due to tiredness
Am I Hungry?
Am I Angry?
Am I lonely?
Am I Tired?
To go against the feeling
I am lacking
not doing enough
spiritual pride that I am not doing, yet others are, therefore I am lacking
and just
"Be still and know You are God" Psalm 46:10
take time to pray and listen
ask some questions
what Is Your Will for me this year/week/today?
what is You Will for me in the workplace?
at home
in my family
at church
friends
"God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" p63
Where do I fallshort at present?
What do I need Gods help with
What can I do for myself and am not?
What do I need God to grant me willingness to do?
What do I need to surrender absolutely?
What defects were at play in 2009
what do I need to ask God to work on
What do I need to let him work on
How do You want me to spend my time?
Do I need to stop anything?
How are my relationships?
What am I fearful of?
What is my experience of the outcome of that fear?
Is it False Evidence Appearing Real?
Has my fears come true?
Or has God provided what I needed?
What do I need to discuss wiuth another person?
Which is the most appropriate person?
Dont know? Then ask God please put them in my path...
Pray Earnestly
remain Open
and Listen
Hear
Monday, June 22, 2009
At Risk of Redundancy again!!
3rd time in 9 months
there's a pattern!
Step 3
take inventory
kep mouth shut
and pray!
the outcome is not in my hands
and Gods plan
has not been revealed yet
I have no idea
and its all abit strange
infact its mind blowing!
there's a pattern!
Step 3
take inventory
kep mouth shut
and pray!
the outcome is not in my hands
and Gods plan
has not been revealed yet
I have no idea
and its all abit strange
infact its mind blowing!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
The critical point - is merely a jumping of point - a turning point
its the point where I turn away
or its the point where I turn towards
its the point where I ask for help
its the point to choose
its the point to accept spiritual help
its the point of surrender
its the point of no return
its the point of keeping on
its the point where faith is required
its the point where I hear its the pits
AND its the point where I hear the voices
in my head of AA's in meetings
over the last 5 years saying
dont quit before the miracle
its the point where I hear its falling to pieces
and I hear keep it in the day
its the point where I lose all hope of happiness
and its the point where I know because
I heard you say in meeting this too shall pass
Its the point where I THINK I cant do this any more
and its the point where I hear you saying
keep on keeping on
its the point where my old ideas have availed me nothing
and its the point where I hear you say
read step 3 take inventory and pray
its the point where I THINK i dont have a choice
and its the point where I have a choices
its the point where I think no one cant help or understand
its the point where I turn my difficulty over to God
its the point where I am on my knees
and its the point where I am lifted up
its the point where a am powerless
and its the point where I seek the all Powerful
Its the point where I realise the truth
its the point when I realise that I am nothing
without God
When I realise and feel that
Thats the point when I feel Love
Its that point where a spiritual experience occurs
thats the point when I feel the sunlight and grow
Its that point where You show me a garden thats bursting into life
2 minutes 11 & 12 seconds is the moment
blink and you miss it!
I am grateful
I am sober
I have not self harmed
I have been able to cry lots recently
That I have been able to say how I feel
that I accepted somethings not working
and have put myself entirely in Gods hands
that I feel a sense of freedom
inspite of the ever underlying fear
that I feel more peaceful
that I have continued
that I have emptied quite a few boxes today
that I have painted some walls
that I have hung washing out on my line
that I have feel good watching it blow in the wind
that I enjoy nature and what she brings me free
that I am alive to experience it all
that I notice which are the voices of doom and turn away
that I have an absolute faith
that I eventually remember to surrender aswell as pray
that I have a design for living that works
even in rough going p15 & P28
I am grateful you passed it on
I am grateful I was there to hear it
or its the point where I turn towards
its the point where I ask for help
its the point to choose
its the point to accept spiritual help
its the point of surrender
its the point of no return
its the point of keeping on
its the point where faith is required
its the point where I hear its the pits
AND its the point where I hear the voices
in my head of AA's in meetings
over the last 5 years saying
dont quit before the miracle
its the point where I hear its falling to pieces
and I hear keep it in the day
its the point where I lose all hope of happiness
and its the point where I know because
I heard you say in meeting this too shall pass
Its the point where I THINK I cant do this any more
and its the point where I hear you saying
keep on keeping on
its the point where my old ideas have availed me nothing
and its the point where I hear you say
read step 3 take inventory and pray
its the point where I THINK i dont have a choice
and its the point where I have a choices
its the point where I think no one cant help or understand
its the point where I turn my difficulty over to God
its the point where I am on my knees
and its the point where I am lifted up
its the point where a am powerless
and its the point where I seek the all Powerful
Its the point where I realise the truth
its the point when I realise that I am nothing
without God
When I realise and feel that
Thats the point when I feel Love
Its that point where a spiritual experience occurs
thats the point when I feel the sunlight and grow
Its that point where You show me a garden thats bursting into life
2 minutes 11 & 12 seconds is the moment
blink and you miss it!
I am grateful
I am sober
I have not self harmed
I have been able to cry lots recently
That I have been able to say how I feel
that I accepted somethings not working
and have put myself entirely in Gods hands
that I feel a sense of freedom
inspite of the ever underlying fear
that I feel more peaceful
that I have continued
that I have emptied quite a few boxes today
that I have painted some walls
that I have hung washing out on my line
that I have feel good watching it blow in the wind
that I enjoy nature and what she brings me free
that I am alive to experience it all
that I notice which are the voices of doom and turn away
that I have an absolute faith
that I eventually remember to surrender aswell as pray
that I have a design for living that works
even in rough going p15 & P28
I am grateful you passed it on
I am grateful I was there to hear it
Monday, October 06, 2008
Asked for help - solution is
Read step 3
take MY inventory
Pray
let go and let God
I will
What it is that I am doing?
I am trying to run the show
even though I am virtuous
is not working!
and the result if confusion
not harmony
God is my employer
I am his agent!
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
take MY inventory
Pray
let go and let God
I will
What it is that I am doing?
I am trying to run the show
even though I am virtuous
is not working!
and the result if confusion
not harmony
God is my employer
I am his agent!
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
I must keep My side of the street clean
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Grateful & reality check
Grateful to have been "successful"
that I get to stay in my job
reality check
as to how serious this crunch is
Monday Lehmans
closed up and havent paid anyone...
I think..
which puts my potential
1 months and 2 weeks redundancy
in perspective
at least I had time
yeh I can analyse away and say
well it would have been this and that
I feel
relief
sadness
gladness
the hard work
starts here!
Life goes on!
Its all going to get smaller
which in my opinion
is needed
helping others
a sense of community
one vision
the greater good
fairness and profitable
yeh its easy to get attached
secure
afraid
human
whats the option
dont do anything...
no.
engaging
brings taking part
being part of
cant help feel
insecure
when its in jeopardy
Its ok knowing
not to get attached
and I suppose its
easy when
you arent taking part
to say it
it just to say
well I dont get attached to work
and then feel really afraid of losing
from another part of our lives
if you havent felt a sense of loss
or something like that
when somethings gone or over
then it dont seem
like you really had it in the first place
or didnt give it your all?
What am I on about? I dunno
talking out a resentment I have towards
myself for feeling ANY attachement
however small towards my job!
how intolerence can I be towards myself for gods sake !
I suppose I am justifying
all this stuff
that I hear about
not getting attached
loose garments
let go and let God
I suppose its about
getting involved
but not making the thing, job, money
person, course, house, sea
my higher power?
do you know what I am on about?
It dont matter
I am grateful
tomorrow I go to work
I have extra responsibility from next week
which was inevitable
as we will be a third down
and a chance to learn something new
and I get paid next week!!
head can return to house move by the sea
and uni...
unless there is something else?
that I get to stay in my job
reality check
as to how serious this crunch is
Monday Lehmans
closed up and havent paid anyone...
I think..
which puts my potential
1 months and 2 weeks redundancy
in perspective
at least I had time
yeh I can analyse away and say
well it would have been this and that
I feel
relief
sadness
gladness
the hard work
starts here!
Life goes on!
Its all going to get smaller
which in my opinion
is needed
helping others
a sense of community
one vision
the greater good
fairness and profitable
yeh its easy to get attached
secure
afraid
human
whats the option
dont do anything...
no.
engaging
brings taking part
being part of
cant help feel
insecure
when its in jeopardy
Its ok knowing
not to get attached
and I suppose its
easy when
you arent taking part
to say it
it just to say
well I dont get attached to work
and then feel really afraid of losing
from another part of our lives
if you havent felt a sense of loss
or something like that
when somethings gone or over
then it dont seem
like you really had it in the first place
or didnt give it your all?
What am I on about? I dunno
talking out a resentment I have towards
myself for feeling ANY attachement
however small towards my job!
how intolerence can I be towards myself for gods sake !
I suppose I am justifying
all this stuff
that I hear about
not getting attached
loose garments
let go and let God
I suppose its about
getting involved
but not making the thing, job, money
person, course, house, sea
my higher power?
do you know what I am on about?
It dont matter
I am grateful
tomorrow I go to work
I have extra responsibility from next week
which was inevitable
as we will be a third down
and a chance to learn something new
and I get paid next week!!
head can return to house move by the sea
and uni...
unless there is something else?
Monday, September 01, 2008
Step 3 again...
someone moved the furniture
yet again at work
without my permission
in a roundabout way
I have got what I wanted...
yes we always get what we want
if we ask earnestly
although not always
wrapped in the paper of our choosing
Much step 3 to he done
much restraint of tongue and pen
much patience
much blind faith
much continuing Gods will
Thy will not mine be done!
Thank God for telephone phone service
and the 3 legacies
thats what I say!
and thank you Molly
for reminding me about the hurricane
its put my stuff in perspective!
My Prayers are out there
with the millions of others
for all affected by
and anyone in the storm path!
yet again at work
without my permission
in a roundabout way
I have got what I wanted...
yes we always get what we want
if we ask earnestly
although not always
wrapped in the paper of our choosing
Much step 3 to he done
much restraint of tongue and pen
much patience
much blind faith
much continuing Gods will
Thy will not mine be done!
Thank God for telephone phone service
and the 3 legacies
thats what I say!
and thank you Molly
for reminding me about the hurricane
its put my stuff in perspective!
My Prayers are out there
with the millions of others
for all affected by
and anyone in the storm path!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Step 3 is required...
What usually happens? The show doesn´t come off very well. He begins to think life doesn´t treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony? P61
This week
Financial insecurity
and a feeling like
what was is not working
therefor do not delay
and do something
about it NOW
Obviously self will says
well I am not doing anything
until I know
exactly how it will be
when I have done it
and pain & risk limitation
has been reduced to a minimum
Faith says
enough now
no need to know
do the right thing
not driven by fear
and self will
pray for patience and tolerence
pray for fear to be removed
pray for faith
pray for restraint of tongue and pen
pray for willingness
you will be ok
trust me!
House move is ticking along
ok this week
I am just realising that
a "relationship"
is just not working
the boundaries have changed
and the attraction
and motives at the beginning
have changed
dynamics etc
why am I staying in it?
financial security will
be jeapodised if I am out of it
I dont know what will happen
and I dont know if I will be able to cope
and I dont like pain
and I dont like to not know
what will people think of me if it goes wrong
what if
what if
what if
all familiar fearful
stuff that comes up in my step 10's
over and over!!
So I tried to change
other relationships
which are working
instead of addressing the one
which isnt...
get it?
therefore being the actor
who tries to control
the show
I am bringing confusion
all around
especially in my own head
More prayers
This week
Financial insecurity
and a feeling like
what was is not working
therefor do not delay
and do something
about it NOW
Obviously self will says
well I am not doing anything
until I know
exactly how it will be
when I have done it
and pain & risk limitation
has been reduced to a minimum
Faith says
enough now
no need to know
do the right thing
not driven by fear
and self will
pray for patience and tolerence
pray for fear to be removed
pray for faith
pray for restraint of tongue and pen
pray for willingness
you will be ok
trust me!
House move is ticking along
ok this week
I am just realising that
a "relationship"
is just not working
the boundaries have changed
and the attraction
and motives at the beginning
have changed
dynamics etc
why am I staying in it?
financial security will
be jeapodised if I am out of it
I dont know what will happen
and I dont know if I will be able to cope
and I dont like pain
and I dont like to not know
what will people think of me if it goes wrong
what if
what if
what if
all familiar fearful
stuff that comes up in my step 10's
over and over!!
So I tried to change
other relationships
which are working
instead of addressing the one
which isnt...
get it?
therefore being the actor
who tries to control
the show
I am bringing confusion
all around
especially in my own head
More prayers
Sunday, August 24, 2008
We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free.P133
I am coming to realise
that people do not understand
how the heck I am like I am
thats AA's and not AA's
its pretty frustrating
at times
when all i do
is ask God what he wants me to do next
listen and then do
sometimes its absurd
sometimes it isnt
I take action
the doors shut by themselves
when its not Gods will
There is oly certain people
I can say to
Moving somewhere
because God gave me the idea...
sounds pretty absurd
but its true
I have put in the action
the doors are just opening
so far!
Finding peace and help the stil suffering alky..
its enough for now!
Its about looking outside the
restricting view of life
I can have so easily
I can live anywhere
do anything
if i put the work in
freedom
So many people
walki around feeling like
spiritial life and or religion is the way forward
and for some it is
i do not agree that either has to be a life
of suffering
I feel like I have already
been to hell and am now in heaven
simply by following the dictates
or rather the firm direction
of a loving higher power
God
Recently I have been reading about Jesus
and I am learning to love this man
in a way I never have before
and it seems hard for a few Christian friends
of mine to understand
that I can and do live the spiritual life
and am learning to love this Jesus
and grateful for what he did
and gave us
yet I do not feel the need to turn my will and life
over to Jesus
its God I have
its only the Christians
that turn around and say
well God is Jesus
like i really want to argue
nope!
this guy may well have come to save us
and for that I am grateful
but if he is also God
why do i need to turn over to JC
its not appealing yet!
and a few friends without releigion
think I am a Christian
they say no-one but Christians
dont drink, smoke, remain celibate
and dont eat meat
extraordinary
yet I know quite a few Christian
that abstain from none of the above
God gives me what I need
directly
and indirectly
God bless
Christians, Jews, Buddhists
and those like me
that just call him God
and try
keep it simple
Get behind me satan
to the suffering inside and outside the rooms
that find fault in the happy joyous freedom
I am receiving from
what appears to be practicing the principles
anylengths
given to me by AA and God
and want to label me
into something
that I dont feel to be true
A few people outside of AA
just do not get it
and neither do I
but I do it anyway
Its amazing how many people
find fault in what is good
before accepting the good
and saying fantastic!
some people dont say anything
like I just said I have cancer...
extraordinary, disbelieving
but its true
it it just keeps coming
it doesnt say
God wants us happy joyeous and free
just the once
and if you miss it its too late
or you can have it once and then resume
the suffering and frustration
does it?
I have my dark moments
as you know
however I was never promised perfection
I DO however experience perfection
for moments
and just like the darkest times
perfection also passes :)
see even that people find hard to accept
Am I the only person
who can admit to acheiving/receiving
at times perfection?
Life does really get better and better
yes it will plateau off
and then resume upwards towards
perfection that is God
yes I worried yesterday
I am nearing the end of my dreams
perhaps I am gonna die soon then!?
When someone asks you how would that be?
have you ever replied Perfect
Engaging and interacting
with all walks of life
and actually talking
has its downsides!
yep I have to listen to responses!!
Family, Friends, fellows, workmates
all react in different ways
its interesting
and challenging
ok, I have some prayers to do
this is all too hard on my own
and i'll end up resenting everyone and everything
including myself
rejecting the world
and staying in lonely and isolated
like the ... good old days haha
raar!
Know God will help me embrace it all
standing up looking straight ahead
Know God
Know Peace
We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn’t do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.P133
that people do not understand
how the heck I am like I am
thats AA's and not AA's
its pretty frustrating
at times
when all i do
is ask God what he wants me to do next
listen and then do
sometimes its absurd
sometimes it isnt
I take action
the doors shut by themselves
when its not Gods will
There is oly certain people
I can say to
Moving somewhere
because God gave me the idea...
sounds pretty absurd
but its true
I have put in the action
the doors are just opening
so far!
Finding peace and help the stil suffering alky..
its enough for now!
Its about looking outside the
restricting view of life
I can have so easily
I can live anywhere
do anything
if i put the work in
freedom
So many people
walki around feeling like
spiritial life and or religion is the way forward
and for some it is
i do not agree that either has to be a life
of suffering
I feel like I have already
been to hell and am now in heaven
simply by following the dictates
or rather the firm direction
of a loving higher power
God
Recently I have been reading about Jesus
and I am learning to love this man
in a way I never have before
and it seems hard for a few Christian friends
of mine to understand
that I can and do live the spiritual life
and am learning to love this Jesus
and grateful for what he did
and gave us
yet I do not feel the need to turn my will and life
over to Jesus
its God I have
its only the Christians
that turn around and say
well God is Jesus
like i really want to argue
nope!
this guy may well have come to save us
and for that I am grateful
but if he is also God
why do i need to turn over to JC
its not appealing yet!
and a few friends without releigion
think I am a Christian
they say no-one but Christians
dont drink, smoke, remain celibate
and dont eat meat
extraordinary
yet I know quite a few Christian
that abstain from none of the above
God gives me what I need
directly
and indirectly
God bless
Christians, Jews, Buddhists
and those like me
that just call him God
and try
keep it simple
Get behind me satan
to the suffering inside and outside the rooms
that find fault in the happy joyous freedom
I am receiving from
what appears to be practicing the principles
anylengths
given to me by AA and God
and want to label me
into something
that I dont feel to be true
A few people outside of AA
just do not get it
and neither do I
but I do it anyway
Its amazing how many people
find fault in what is good
before accepting the good
and saying fantastic!
some people dont say anything
like I just said I have cancer...
extraordinary, disbelieving
but its true
it it just keeps coming
it doesnt say
God wants us happy joyeous and free
just the once
and if you miss it its too late
or you can have it once and then resume
the suffering and frustration
does it?
I have my dark moments
as you know
however I was never promised perfection
I DO however experience perfection
for moments
and just like the darkest times
perfection also passes :)
see even that people find hard to accept
Am I the only person
who can admit to acheiving/receiving
at times perfection?
Life does really get better and better
yes it will plateau off
and then resume upwards towards
perfection that is God
yes I worried yesterday
I am nearing the end of my dreams
perhaps I am gonna die soon then!?
When someone asks you how would that be?
have you ever replied Perfect
Engaging and interacting
with all walks of life
and actually talking
has its downsides!
yep I have to listen to responses!!
Family, Friends, fellows, workmates
all react in different ways
its interesting
and challenging
ok, I have some prayers to do
this is all too hard on my own
and i'll end up resenting everyone and everything
including myself
rejecting the world
and staying in lonely and isolated
like the ... good old days haha
raar!
Know God will help me embrace it all
standing up looking straight ahead
Know God
Know Peace
We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn’t do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.P133
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Flowers and Stuff
I have been retrainting my tongue
at work... in that not
not expressing my feelings
just baring a few facts
I have recently talked feelings
and its ok sometimes
but really I dont like it..
its what many people do in the workplace
talk about life and defect driven stuff
well the stuff I blog and step 10 really
sometimes I take part for a few moments
during work time and then after
it dont sit right
a) cos the person I have told really just wants a chat with anyone
b) I dont want to talk this stuff through during work
c) its my business and open offices are not private
d) if I didnt work with them, I wouldnt be chatting with them
Anyway today, I am quiet
just getting on with it
quieter than normal someone said..
no I didnt go into it...
yeh I have some decisions to make
life changing
it will get confusing and challenging
I need to be quiet
let the mind and body and spirit
process it...
its not all about moving action
sometimes the action is to listen and quiet
draw some faith and patience
anyway, praying on stuff like
and seeing again
its not the people I am resentful at
its the situation
and its my attitude in a situation
driven by fear or selfishness or self will
or and all...
I can kid myself its the people I resent
but its actually the situation
the people vould be anyone
its the situation
and why?
Because I dont know how it will be (self will)
and through lack of faith
and feel I will not be looked after (fear)(self will)
and I will not be able to cope (self will)
same old stuff
financial insecurity
personal relations
self esteem
ambition
But you know when your getting out
living the spiritual life
this stuffs always gonna come up
same old same old
whats the alternative
convent... nah man
theres only so much praying and isolation
and listening to my own breeathing
being on the outside
is infinitely more interesting
and definitely Gods will for me
right now
doing some study reading this week
risk management
mental loafing leads to scheming!
and yes I always have a choice
turn towards or turn away
yet as I now realise
I choose to pick up the cross
or not
and if I am doing what seems to be Gods will
then I just turn up, do it and take care
just like jesus did
he was afraid and resentful
when he knew his time was nearly up
yet even with the promise of eternal life
he still cried
and yeh he too had a choice
he could have run away at any time
but he didnt
he waited around and continued to continue
keep turning up
no I dont think I am Jesus
but I do think
that when I choose to turn towards (step 3)
and continue to continue (step 6)
any lengths
then it is picking up the cross and walking
trudging into the unknown ... with faith
painful fearful faithful and grateful
I guess baby flowers if they think
like me that is...
must wonder what rain (Fear) is when they first get it
and it must hurtand be abit scary
and they think they'll be snapped
or drowned by floods, (pain) especially when your an inch high
eventually I suppose cos the other flowers
and inch high shoots just sit there (faith)
they do too and wait
and then become(grateful)
because without the rain, they would die
and not worry no matter how much rain comes!
or perhaps flowers are perfectly faithful..
God show me
Simon & Garfunkel - Flowers never bend with the rainfall
at work... in that not
not expressing my feelings
just baring a few facts
I have recently talked feelings
and its ok sometimes
but really I dont like it..
its what many people do in the workplace
talk about life and defect driven stuff
well the stuff I blog and step 10 really
sometimes I take part for a few moments
during work time and then after
it dont sit right
a) cos the person I have told really just wants a chat with anyone
b) I dont want to talk this stuff through during work
c) its my business and open offices are not private
d) if I didnt work with them, I wouldnt be chatting with them
Anyway today, I am quiet
just getting on with it
quieter than normal someone said..
no I didnt go into it...
yeh I have some decisions to make
life changing
it will get confusing and challenging
I need to be quiet
let the mind and body and spirit
process it...
its not all about moving action
sometimes the action is to listen and quiet
draw some faith and patience
anyway, praying on stuff like
and seeing again
its not the people I am resentful at
its the situation
and its my attitude in a situation
driven by fear or selfishness or self will
or and all...
I can kid myself its the people I resent
but its actually the situation
the people vould be anyone
its the situation
and why?
Because I dont know how it will be (self will)
and through lack of faith
and feel I will not be looked after (fear)(self will)
and I will not be able to cope (self will)
same old stuff
financial insecurity
personal relations
self esteem
ambition
But you know when your getting out
living the spiritual life
this stuffs always gonna come up
same old same old
whats the alternative
convent... nah man
theres only so much praying and isolation
and listening to my own breeathing
being on the outside
is infinitely more interesting
and definitely Gods will for me
right now
doing some study reading this week
risk management
mental loafing leads to scheming!
and yes I always have a choice
turn towards or turn away
yet as I now realise
I choose to pick up the cross
or not
and if I am doing what seems to be Gods will
then I just turn up, do it and take care
just like jesus did
he was afraid and resentful
when he knew his time was nearly up
yet even with the promise of eternal life
he still cried
and yeh he too had a choice
he could have run away at any time
but he didnt
he waited around and continued to continue
keep turning up
no I dont think I am Jesus
but I do think
that when I choose to turn towards (step 3)
and continue to continue (step 6)
any lengths
then it is picking up the cross and walking
trudging into the unknown ... with faith
painful fearful faithful and grateful
I guess baby flowers if they think
like me that is...
must wonder what rain (Fear) is when they first get it
and it must hurtand be abit scary
and they think they'll be snapped
or drowned by floods, (pain) especially when your an inch high
eventually I suppose cos the other flowers
and inch high shoots just sit there (faith)
they do too and wait
and then become(grateful)
because without the rain, they would die
and not worry no matter how much rain comes!
or perhaps flowers are perfectly faithful..
God show me
Simon & Garfunkel - Flowers never bend with the rainfall
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable P59
Powerless over alcohol
I believe it NOW
This year I have experienced
a real turn in my "going out"
I have relaxed, enjoyed the company
I am with and really changed around
not being on edge around booze
yeh there are the moments
when I feel the
"Why dont you drink?
what not atall?"
and how quickly people forget
and ask again the next time
most people leave me alone
after a few minutes
its the peoples shocked attitude
rather than drink its self
but this last month or so since
study finished for the summer
I have had some good times
had fun
the vigilance ON GUARD
is replaced by a knowledge
and get on with whats in front of me
ie who am I with or what am I there for...
neither cocky nor are we afraid P85
A few weeks ago
I went out with the intention
of leaving the bar 6.30 and was still in there at 7.30
getting out took about 30 minutes...
I intended to go to the gym after
and ended missing a train and being very early for the next
and not MANAGING to get down the gym
this was a huge dent i my pride
how could I have let this stuff
interest me so much
self will was amazingly weakenedp92
these cocktails I have never tasted
have such a hold on me that
I wanted to stick around
I had no desire... or did I?
yeh I think I had a desire to taste these
interesting drinks
but no desire to get drunk
no desire to get out of it
but I didnt
I really had no idea
what was going on inside of the bar that night
or should I say inside my head
until this week
I have felt
restless, irritable and discontent Pxxvi Dr's Opinion
ever since and didnt kknow why
until now...
I felt manipulated and messed around
by drink and I didnt drink it
The problem centres in my mind P23
I thought its the smell
that sets the craving off in me
now I know its not the case
I have had no desire to drink
or taste a drink after I left the bar
its not the smell, I had plenty of smells that night
its the first drink
The alcoholic at certain times has no effective
mental defense against the first drink p43
Or was it that I was having fun
and didnt actually want to leave
and go do the other thing
and it just didnt feel
acceptable to actually want to stay
in the bar because I was having a good time!?
perhaps next time I do not need to set
up the get out of jail card
reason to leave at a certain time..
leave it absolutely with God to tell me!
Why didnt I drink that night?
I was really relaxed
it was close to me
it looked harmless, colourful
I could smell it
and I wasnt really being anally vigilant
like I have been before
Good company
good venue
comfy chairs
and I was feeling good...
and the drinks looked fine
not dangerous atall
I have to say I was baffled
and its been on my mind
I didnt drink and
In my mind I deserved tooo
I mean enjoying myself in a bar!!
How dare I...
Obviously God has other plans
Obviously to me now
my defence came from a Higher Power P43
I was not in control that night
me nor any other human beingP43
I look back now and see
my mind was interested in the stuff
God had other ideas!
I feel blessed
Its scared the hell out of me
On Thursday I had one of those
How come I didnt get this before days
Spiritual Pride..
Its God that keeps me sober
not me, I mean not me really
I am powerless
God is all powerful p59
I feel grateful
Although I have spent
a while feeling ungrateful
for this battle going on in my head
trying to figure out whats happening
and why I felt so messed around...
We read Step 3 out of the big book last night
at my home group
I felt like the
"retired business man who lolls in the
Florida sunshine in the winter complaining
of the sad state of the nation" P59
I had been given Grace
grace to go to bars
an alcoholic going to bars and leaving sober
after having a good and great times??
and a legitimate reason to be there
and feeling in fit spiritual conditionp101
before i went in
and praying
before and during
hows that work then?
yeh I had been complaining
about the heaviness of it all..
but not seeing that
It works-it really doesp88
A drinking buddy said on Thursday
after he looking at me drinking coke
whilst he sipped at his vodka and coke
or was it the 3rd round to my one
"I admire you..."
I stayed for ages
and knew when it was time to leave
and left...
Bizarre this mind stuff
the mind is a dangerous place!
God I offer myself to thee
to build with me as thou wilt
releieve me of the bondage of self
that I may better do thy will
take away my difficulties
that victory over them
may bear witness to those I would help
of thy Power, Thy Love and Thy way of life
may I do thy will always P63
Forgive me for not asking you
everyday for a sober day
It doesnt mean that I dont want it
I love the life you are giving me
even though my mind tells me
lots of rubbish
which I still at times have trouble not listening to
I beleive in you
This week I see you have the Power
I really can let go absolutely! p58
I am told this is growth
its all progress..
I believe it NOW
This year I have experienced
a real turn in my "going out"
I have relaxed, enjoyed the company
I am with and really changed around
not being on edge around booze
yeh there are the moments
when I feel the
"Why dont you drink?
what not atall?"
and how quickly people forget
and ask again the next time
most people leave me alone
after a few minutes
its the peoples shocked attitude
rather than drink its self
but this last month or so since
study finished for the summer
I have had some good times
had fun
the vigilance ON GUARD
is replaced by a knowledge
and get on with whats in front of me
ie who am I with or what am I there for...
neither cocky nor are we afraid P85
A few weeks ago
I went out with the intention
of leaving the bar 6.30 and was still in there at 7.30
getting out took about 30 minutes...
I intended to go to the gym after
and ended missing a train and being very early for the next
and not MANAGING to get down the gym
this was a huge dent i my pride
how could I have let this stuff
interest me so much
self will was amazingly weakenedp92
these cocktails I have never tasted
have such a hold on me that
I wanted to stick around
I had no desire... or did I?
yeh I think I had a desire to taste these
interesting drinks
but no desire to get drunk
no desire to get out of it
but I didnt
I really had no idea
what was going on inside of the bar that night
or should I say inside my head
until this week
I have felt
restless, irritable and discontent Pxxvi Dr's Opinion
ever since and didnt kknow why
until now...
I felt manipulated and messed around
by drink and I didnt drink it
The problem centres in my mind P23
I thought its the smell
that sets the craving off in me
now I know its not the case
I have had no desire to drink
or taste a drink after I left the bar
its not the smell, I had plenty of smells that night
its the first drink
The alcoholic at certain times has no effective
mental defense against the first drink p43
Or was it that I was having fun
and didnt actually want to leave
and go do the other thing
and it just didnt feel
acceptable to actually want to stay
in the bar because I was having a good time!?
perhaps next time I do not need to set
up the get out of jail card
reason to leave at a certain time..
leave it absolutely with God to tell me!
Why didnt I drink that night?
I was really relaxed
it was close to me
it looked harmless, colourful
I could smell it
and I wasnt really being anally vigilant
like I have been before
Good company
good venue
comfy chairs
and I was feeling good...
and the drinks looked fine
not dangerous atall
I have to say I was baffled
and its been on my mind
I didnt drink and
In my mind I deserved tooo
I mean enjoying myself in a bar!!
How dare I...
Obviously God has other plans
Obviously to me now
my defence came from a Higher Power P43
I was not in control that night
me nor any other human beingP43
I look back now and see
my mind was interested in the stuff
God had other ideas!
I feel blessed
Its scared the hell out of me
On Thursday I had one of those
How come I didnt get this before days
Spiritual Pride..
Its God that keeps me sober
not me, I mean not me really
I am powerless
God is all powerful p59
I feel grateful
Although I have spent
a while feeling ungrateful
for this battle going on in my head
trying to figure out whats happening
and why I felt so messed around...
We read Step 3 out of the big book last night
at my home group
I felt like the
"retired business man who lolls in the
Florida sunshine in the winter complaining
of the sad state of the nation" P59
I had been given Grace
grace to go to bars
an alcoholic going to bars and leaving sober
after having a good and great times??
and a legitimate reason to be there
and feeling in fit spiritual conditionp101
before i went in
and praying
before and during
hows that work then?
yeh I had been complaining
about the heaviness of it all..
but not seeing that
It works-it really doesp88
A drinking buddy said on Thursday
after he looking at me drinking coke
whilst he sipped at his vodka and coke
or was it the 3rd round to my one
"I admire you..."
I stayed for ages
and knew when it was time to leave
and left...
Bizarre this mind stuff
the mind is a dangerous place!
God I offer myself to thee
to build with me as thou wilt
releieve me of the bondage of self
that I may better do thy will
take away my difficulties
that victory over them
may bear witness to those I would help
of thy Power, Thy Love and Thy way of life
may I do thy will always P63
Forgive me for not asking you
everyday for a sober day
It doesnt mean that I dont want it
I love the life you are giving me
even though my mind tells me
lots of rubbish
which I still at times have trouble not listening to
I beleive in you
This week I see you have the Power
I really can let go absolutely! p58
I am told this is growth
its all progress..
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Turn up until they tell you not too
Today was a day I havent had for a while
I mistake has come up
unearthed, from before Christmas
its just come to light
these things happen
bound too
when your at it the whole time
the more you do
the more % mistakes
if you know what I mean
not acceptance in a sloth way
just a fact
if you dont do anything
you wont err
yes its big
but then we do big stuff
but as with EVERYTHING
there is a process for dealing with BIG mistakes!
I didnt talk or freak
just prayed
took action
made a phone call
and then another
did the right thing
made the right call to the appropriate person
talked quietly low even
then got up walked away
went to talk with my manager another appropriate person
went to the kitchen for a coffee
went to walk back but didnt
paused, turned around and prayed
walked back
was told not to worry
was told the world would not stop
was agreed with this is a big a*se
was told NO I wouldnt have to NOT go on holiday!!
I am I to blame?
See no-one has said that
only me! in my head
no fingers pointed
we are our biggest critic
I knew what the right thing to do was next
go to a meeting
went back to my home group tonight
was like a girls reunion!
cool or what!
I love that church
after the meeting
I went and prayed at the alter
on my knees
I feel so very small in that big church
yet very safe at the alter
me and God
Grateful for the tools
grateful for using them
grateful I prayed last night and this morning
for restraint of tongue and pen
for the next right thing
Grateful for the discipline of earnest prayer
grateful for the step 3 prayer P63
and the prayer to have my fear to be removed
and my attention to be directed to what he would have me be P68
and the serenity prayer
and humility
God grant us the serenity
to accept the things we cannot change
the courage to change the things we can
and the wisdom to know the difference
On the way home, sent a mesg to sponsor
not a panic stricken, freak out
just a mesg to talk re work
yet at the same time
knowing that its prayer I need
this is a God moment
tonight is not the time to talk with a human
tonight its prayer I need
sometimes to reach out is enough
though the need to be fixed is not there
i want to do this with God
and I know that what I think is God
is sometimes absurd...
sometimes there is a need for counsel
give time time
Let God in
First job for tomorrow
pray and turn up
no matter what
Johno as always you go with God
We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.P83
God I am such a perfectionist
but even I f*ck up at times
and I was thinking it was all going
smoothly leading up to me
serene away from it all holiday
God said
Johno get real
this is life
in step 6 you agreed
that no longer would you
listen to your self centred head
that says these things are
a deliberate attempt to sabotage your serenity!
I know God, i seen that one already today
God said... well then!!
Read step 3 all of it... and then read this bit
Perhaps there is a better way-we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.p68
NOW GO TO BED
ok see ya
and Johno
yes
stop worrying
I mistake has come up
unearthed, from before Christmas
its just come to light
these things happen
bound too
when your at it the whole time
the more you do
the more % mistakes
if you know what I mean
not acceptance in a sloth way
just a fact
if you dont do anything
you wont err
yes its big
but then we do big stuff
but as with EVERYTHING
there is a process for dealing with BIG mistakes!
I didnt talk or freak
just prayed
took action
made a phone call
and then another
did the right thing
made the right call to the appropriate person
talked quietly low even
then got up walked away
went to talk with my manager another appropriate person
went to the kitchen for a coffee
went to walk back but didnt
paused, turned around and prayed
walked back
was told not to worry
was told the world would not stop
was agreed with this is a big a*se
was told NO I wouldnt have to NOT go on holiday!!
I am I to blame?
See no-one has said that
only me! in my head
no fingers pointed
we are our biggest critic
I knew what the right thing to do was next
go to a meeting
went back to my home group tonight
was like a girls reunion!
cool or what!
I love that church
after the meeting
I went and prayed at the alter
on my knees
I feel so very small in that big church
yet very safe at the alter
me and God
Grateful for the tools
grateful for using them
grateful I prayed last night and this morning
for restraint of tongue and pen
for the next right thing
Grateful for the discipline of earnest prayer
grateful for the step 3 prayer P63
and the prayer to have my fear to be removed
and my attention to be directed to what he would have me be P68
and the serenity prayer
and humility
God grant us the serenity
to accept the things we cannot change
the courage to change the things we can
and the wisdom to know the difference
On the way home, sent a mesg to sponsor
not a panic stricken, freak out
just a mesg to talk re work
yet at the same time
knowing that its prayer I need
this is a God moment
tonight is not the time to talk with a human
tonight its prayer I need
sometimes to reach out is enough
though the need to be fixed is not there
i want to do this with God
and I know that what I think is God
is sometimes absurd...
sometimes there is a need for counsel
give time time
Let God in
First job for tomorrow
pray and turn up
no matter what
Johno as always you go with God
We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.P83
God I am such a perfectionist
but even I f*ck up at times
and I was thinking it was all going
smoothly leading up to me
serene away from it all holiday
God said
Johno get real
this is life
in step 6 you agreed
that no longer would you
listen to your self centred head
that says these things are
a deliberate attempt to sabotage your serenity!
I know God, i seen that one already today
God said... well then!!
Read step 3 all of it... and then read this bit
Perhaps there is a better way-we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.p68
NOW GO TO BED
ok see ya
and Johno
yes
stop worrying
Sunday, May 18, 2008
My attitude needs changing NOT the other persons
Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
See I can easily focus on something or someone
and build their behaviour into something
that is a deliberate attempt to sabotage
my peace of mind and happiness
When the truth is
many other friends, colleagues and neighbours
also are the same and it doesn't affect me
in the same way as it does this person!
Why?
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
Sometimes the retaliation from them
and the hurt I feel
is completely manufactured by
my own self will predictions
the other person is completely oblivious
the truth is they have done nothing
except be themselves
other people are doing the exact same thing
and it is not affecting me ATALL
I just realised this happens in me
I just realised this
This is what happens when
a person becomes a higher power
not necessarily in a God sense
just larger than "real" life
living in my head more than necessary
Its a change for me
its a different set of defects driving
this rent free living in my head
but its still
self will and self centredness
together with fear
leaving me in self pity
spiritually sick
there is a need to get over my self!
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn´t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness.
We must, or it kills us!
God makes that possible.
And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God´s help.
Step 3 again! All Italics Big Book 4th ed P62
I just watched Brokeback Mountain on tv
A love that dare not speak its name
Beautiful film
It wasnt too long ago that I couldnt
sit and focus on a film sober for the duration
this is progress
its even more progress
that I sewed some buttons
that have fell off over the last few
...........years!
done some painting at time today
DIY maintenence stuff aswell
realised that I am a little
out of sorts now my course has finished for the summer
like I said the other day
preparing for a change in activity and things
Doing the next right thing :)
See I can easily focus on something or someone
and build their behaviour into something
that is a deliberate attempt to sabotage
my peace of mind and happiness
When the truth is
many other friends, colleagues and neighbours
also are the same and it doesn't affect me
in the same way as it does this person!
Why?
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
Sometimes the retaliation from them
and the hurt I feel
is completely manufactured by
my own self will predictions
the other person is completely oblivious
the truth is they have done nothing
except be themselves
other people are doing the exact same thing
and it is not affecting me ATALL
I just realised this happens in me
I just realised this
This is what happens when
a person becomes a higher power
not necessarily in a God sense
just larger than "real" life
living in my head more than necessary
Its a change for me
its a different set of defects driving
this rent free living in my head
but its still
self will and self centredness
together with fear
leaving me in self pity
spiritually sick
there is a need to get over my self!
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn´t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness.
We must, or it kills us!
God makes that possible.
And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God´s help.
Step 3 again! All Italics Big Book 4th ed P62
I just watched Brokeback Mountain on tv
A love that dare not speak its name
Beautiful film
It wasnt too long ago that I couldnt
sit and focus on a film sober for the duration
this is progress
its even more progress
that I sewed some buttons
that have fell off over the last few
...........years!
done some painting at time today
DIY maintenence stuff aswell
realised that I am a little
out of sorts now my course has finished for the summer
like I said the other day
preparing for a change in activity and things
Doing the next right thing :)
Friday, May 09, 2008
More stuff that came across me - reason? God wants me happy joyeous and free
Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone.
---Gertrude Stein
(nicked it off the bottom of a Christine email)
Peace
Stay full of peace yourself and know that this peace
will reach your loved ones and ultimately the whole world.
Inner Space
Resist Not
Have you ever noticed that resistance leads to persistence. And behind all resistance is self-created fear. The only way to relax and stay relaxed is acceptance. You don't have to agree, or follow, or condone, but acceptance means you begin any interaction with a serenity which invites others to engage with you. And out of engagement comes the satisfaction of creative expression and an enriching relationship. That's relaxation in action!
Inner Space
And finally
Keep it in the day - Dont project - Read Step 3
Pray earnestly!
Sponsor suggestions
I had a 5 days left and I had a I
dont want the course to end moment
Why? i was listening to my fear
of a topic we MAY cover next year
I am afraid of
how the subject will make me feel
See how projecting - Fear
Fears - solution dont hand in the essay
and dont do the exam... simple
Thanks Fear you really have my
best interests at the frefront huh! NOT
Gods solution - Prayed for fear to be removed an for my attention
to be turned to what You (thats God) would have me be
(from Step 4 in Big book)
yeh man, done the God thing :)
Prayed like my life depends on it
I have no idea when my internet
will and wont connect
its all very strange
but the sky has not fallen in
see even though I handed it over a while back
I still doubted!
and I got that wrong! more faith required!
essay deadline met today
I stopped breathing at one point
found myself holding my breath
for far too long
not consciously
i just do it
why do I do that?
no idea!
i just do
I only noticed when I started
to feel weird
and then remembered to breathe
and i cant control how fast
the train arrives
and I may aswell breathe while I am waiting!
Ok, i'm off to read step 3
and pray earnestly some more
I love my sponsor
I love God
I love the Sun
I love that Mollys mohican hair cutted birds
now have bellys bigger than their eyes
instead of the other way around
I love that I am sober
I love my fellow students
I love being a student
I love learning
I love that can I love and its lasting
I love that I didnt lose the faith
I love that at times having the willingness
to reach out to Gods waiting love filled finger tip
I love that childlike ET reaching out
I love that I keep coming back
I love the strength you gave me
I love that I try and see Your will
I love that try and carry it out
I love that you gave me the concept of willingness
Love rocks!!
I'm off to pray earnestly and read step 3
Oh yeh i noticed pints of lager this week
Unsuprisingly, it was when I was
Hungry, Lonely or Tired
H.A.L.T its a very important tool
I saw these ladies live about 15 years ago
I still love their music - enjoy
Chris While & Julie Matthews
It's a wonderful life
---Gertrude Stein
(nicked it off the bottom of a Christine email)
Peace
Stay full of peace yourself and know that this peace
will reach your loved ones and ultimately the whole world.
Inner Space
Resist Not
Have you ever noticed that resistance leads to persistence. And behind all resistance is self-created fear. The only way to relax and stay relaxed is acceptance. You don't have to agree, or follow, or condone, but acceptance means you begin any interaction with a serenity which invites others to engage with you. And out of engagement comes the satisfaction of creative expression and an enriching relationship. That's relaxation in action!
Inner Space
And finally
Keep it in the day - Dont project - Read Step 3
Pray earnestly!
Sponsor suggestions
I had a 5 days left and I had a I
dont want the course to end moment
Why? i was listening to my fear
of a topic we MAY cover next year
I am afraid of
how the subject will make me feel
See how projecting - Fear
Fears - solution dont hand in the essay
and dont do the exam... simple
Thanks Fear you really have my
best interests at the frefront huh! NOT
Gods solution - Prayed for fear to be removed an for my attention
to be turned to what You (thats God) would have me be
(from Step 4 in Big book)
yeh man, done the God thing :)
Prayed like my life depends on it
I have no idea when my internet
will and wont connect
its all very strange
but the sky has not fallen in
see even though I handed it over a while back
I still doubted!
and I got that wrong! more faith required!
essay deadline met today
I stopped breathing at one point
found myself holding my breath
for far too long
not consciously
i just do it
why do I do that?
no idea!
i just do
I only noticed when I started
to feel weird
and then remembered to breathe
and i cant control how fast
the train arrives
and I may aswell breathe while I am waiting!
Ok, i'm off to read step 3
and pray earnestly some more
I love my sponsor
I love God
I love the Sun
I love that Mollys mohican hair cutted birds
now have bellys bigger than their eyes
instead of the other way around
I love that I am sober
I love my fellow students
I love being a student
I love learning
I love that can I love and its lasting
I love that I didnt lose the faith
I love that at times having the willingness
to reach out to Gods waiting love filled finger tip
I love that childlike ET reaching out
I love that I keep coming back
I love the strength you gave me
I love that I try and see Your will
I love that try and carry it out
I love that you gave me the concept of willingness
Love rocks!!
I'm off to pray earnestly and read step 3
Oh yeh i noticed pints of lager this week
Unsuprisingly, it was when I was
Hungry, Lonely or Tired
H.A.L.T its a very important tool
I saw these ladies live about 15 years ago
I still love their music - enjoy
Chris While & Julie Matthews
It's a wonderful life
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Step 3 - Letting Go and Letting God (of our own understanding) drive me
A friend of mine joined her church
become one with her God her Christ
I cannot do this
I dont feel it
she does
Christ has done something with her
and its wonderful
to see it
I see the love she feels
I feel Jesus through her
she bears witness
she is a channel
I usually steer clear of communion
But today I challenged my old idea around this thing
I ask myself what
the act of not taking communion would have meant?
self will
Isolation
arrogance
fear
an old idea that I cant do it
because I dont believe it...
the Jesus thing I mean
I prayed much and guess what
The minister covered every single
avenue I could have chosen
He made it very clear
that ANYONE could take communion
its all inclusive
Who am I to say that I am no-one?
Who am I to say I am an exclusion?
Do I know better?
No
I took communion for the first time
why?
I wanted to
In the fellowship of the spirit
Together an act of fellowship
At one with my friend
and Jesus
I am not sure
exactly what it is
but It felt right
my motives were right
Will I take communion again?
I dont know
I understand its meaning
and today
It felt the way to go
my friend
I love you
God loves you
Thank you for including me
in your special ceremony
I know You are in Loving hands
I dedicate this song to you
Its called Everything by Tim Hughes
I love it because
Its about handing over my will and life
thats every part of my life
every part of
all of me
over to my God of my own understanding
my creator
its lovely
Turn it up and enjoy
Hey! Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope the glory
You are everything
Be my everything
I love Jesus
even though I dont know him
it doesnt seem to matter
I see what He does in others
and its breathtaking
God thank you
The gift of sobriety
prolonges and enhances
it make us alive
awakens
Spiritual surgery
from the inside out
Glorious
become one with her God her Christ
I cannot do this
I dont feel it
she does
Christ has done something with her
and its wonderful
to see it
I see the love she feels
I feel Jesus through her
she bears witness
she is a channel
I usually steer clear of communion
But today I challenged my old idea around this thing
I ask myself what
the act of not taking communion would have meant?
self will
Isolation
arrogance
fear
an old idea that I cant do it
because I dont believe it...
the Jesus thing I mean
I prayed much and guess what
The minister covered every single
avenue I could have chosen
He made it very clear
that ANYONE could take communion
its all inclusive
Who am I to say that I am no-one?
Who am I to say I am an exclusion?
Do I know better?
No
I took communion for the first time
why?
I wanted to
In the fellowship of the spirit
Together an act of fellowship
At one with my friend
and Jesus
I am not sure
exactly what it is
but It felt right
my motives were right
Will I take communion again?
I dont know
I understand its meaning
and today
It felt the way to go
my friend
I love you
God loves you
Thank you for including me
in your special ceremony
I know You are in Loving hands
I dedicate this song to you
Its called Everything by Tim Hughes
I love it because
Its about handing over my will and life
thats every part of my life
every part of
all of me
over to my God of my own understanding
my creator
its lovely
Turn it up and enjoy
Hey! Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope the glory
You are everything
Be my everything
I love Jesus
even though I dont know him
it doesnt seem to matter
I see what He does in others
and its breathtaking
God thank you
The gift of sobriety
prolonges and enhances
it make us alive
awakens
Spiritual surgery
from the inside out
Glorious
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Mental, Physical, Spiritual I need unity at the moment...
I got honest
Prayed for willingness
Prayed for sloth to be removed
Prayed for all my difficulties to be removed
so that victory over them MAY bear witness
to those I may help, of thy power
and guess what I did some studying
not enough yet
but abit
driven by God
and willing to put in the action
mentally I am more up for it
My physical body's decided it doesnt want to
I have toothache, rather face-ache!
(yeh all face ache jokes allowed, bring em on!)
Physical pain is tiring
Why is it when I need to make a change
something big
and mentally, spiritually I prepare
more often or not, my physical says no!
Good luck Irish Friend with
the next step of your studies
put in the footwork, let go of the outcome
Go for Gold
Let Go Let God
Anylengths for me
is not staying in a job
I am proven to be brilliant at
even though you wouldnt know it
too see how "little" we appear to do each day!
we really do work hard
its just become effortless
like a well oiled machine
even my colleague
now talks about children instead of out partying
so maybe... its all naturally coming to an end
two hearts perhaps no longer in it
before I leave I am willing to train
or find someone to take over
to be equally as brilliant
and passionate about the position
as I have been to date
pass on everything I have learned
over the past years
To stay and continue
is preventing someone else
moving up a level ... growing
and for me to sit
in my brushed cotton pyjamas
lanquishing in easiness
will not sustain me long term
it will not hold my gaze
I will end up in resentment
blaming others
for the results of my own self will
I can no longer do this
I have the opportunity to apply this week
assistant manager... its NOT what I want to do
yeh the ego gets massaged! BUT heart will not be there
so I said no, for the time being
it conflicts with my studies
it conflicts with what appears to be Gods will at the moment
To take the opportunity
would give my mind another thing NEW to train up on
I either want to go to anylengths with studying
or I want half measures with something else!?
half measures appears dishonest today
and half measures always avail me nothing!
Growing up pains I am suffering from
manifesting ...in my mouth as toothache and faceache!!!
Gotta go and swish some more salty water around
my gummmmmmmms and swill
attractive huh! LOL
I HAVE to do MORE writing with a pen!!!
I cant just turn up to an exam next thursday
and write for 2 hours in those conditions
I havent written with a pen for
that long since 1997?
OH MY GOD
need to get my right hand ready
see ya
Prayed for willingness
Prayed for sloth to be removed
Prayed for all my difficulties to be removed
so that victory over them MAY bear witness
to those I may help, of thy power
and guess what I did some studying
not enough yet
but abit
driven by God
and willing to put in the action
mentally I am more up for it
My physical body's decided it doesnt want to
I have toothache, rather face-ache!
(yeh all face ache jokes allowed, bring em on!)
Physical pain is tiring
Why is it when I need to make a change
something big
and mentally, spiritually I prepare
more often or not, my physical says no!
Good luck Irish Friend with
the next step of your studies
put in the footwork, let go of the outcome
Go for Gold
Let Go Let God
Anylengths for me
is not staying in a job
I am proven to be brilliant at
even though you wouldnt know it
too see how "little" we appear to do each day!
we really do work hard
its just become effortless
like a well oiled machine
even my colleague
now talks about children instead of out partying
so maybe... its all naturally coming to an end
two hearts perhaps no longer in it
before I leave I am willing to train
or find someone to take over
to be equally as brilliant
and passionate about the position
as I have been to date
pass on everything I have learned
over the past years
To stay and continue
is preventing someone else
moving up a level ... growing
and for me to sit
in my brushed cotton pyjamas
lanquishing in easiness
will not sustain me long term
it will not hold my gaze
I will end up in resentment
blaming others
for the results of my own self will
I can no longer do this
I have the opportunity to apply this week
assistant manager... its NOT what I want to do
yeh the ego gets massaged! BUT heart will not be there
so I said no, for the time being
it conflicts with my studies
it conflicts with what appears to be Gods will at the moment
To take the opportunity
would give my mind another thing NEW to train up on
I either want to go to anylengths with studying
or I want half measures with something else!?
half measures appears dishonest today
and half measures always avail me nothing!
Growing up pains I am suffering from
manifesting ...in my mouth as toothache and faceache!!!
Gotta go and swish some more salty water around
my gummmmmmmms and swill
attractive huh! LOL
I HAVE to do MORE writing with a pen!!!
I cant just turn up to an exam next thursday
and write for 2 hours in those conditions
I havent written with a pen for
that long since 1997?
OH MY GOD
need to get my right hand ready
see ya
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Studying stuff
The future I dont what it will be like, how much money I will earn, or anything til I get there, or whether I will be able to do whats required...
I have no idea what the future holds I know that I have been given this opportunity, and its my job to do the work set and its VERY exciting. I have absolute faith that whatever I will be given, I will be able to handle it, whether it be a 6 figure salary or not! I cant imagine what any of it will be like, I almost darent go there. As long as I am driven by Good and not defects or my own thinking, it will all be flippin' amazin! I KNOW ITS GONNA BE AMAZIN, EXCITING AND THE BEST EVER WHEN i GET THERE!! I know what I think I would like, but then I knew what I thought I would like and be like 4 years ago, in 2008. And I am and it is MUCH better, I have VERY limited thinking at time. But not as limited as some people I know, God has opened my mind and I try and live with out limited on God Power.
I have absolute faith its going to be amazing, the future. I have no idea what it will be like though!
Self will run riot and lots of reading of step 3 in the big book, all of it. Especially at the moment when there is no set timetable... its all about me, self discipline, doing the work when there is no one cracking the whip. Exam, I have to revise and attempt it, I have decided I will not get a good mark, so I will leave the revision til the last possible moment, to justify it, and tell myself I will do it different next semester... instead of just getting on with it now.
Its easy for me to start predicting the future and daydream in today
Just do today, then do the next week, and then the week after.
Otherwise I do nothing, which is what I want to do... its actually sabotage myself.
Fear and sloth... the termites that sabotage the new life we are building... Predicting the future and all its holds, is NOT helpful in today, is it?
Keep it simple...
No need to be scared, of money, prestige and property... its what I do with it and my attitude to it that really matters (in my opinion)
Money is not evil. Arrogance and grandiose exists even in those without, who sit in judgement of those who do, without really knowing what they do with it.
There will always be some who are grandiose, with and without money. Having had a spiritual awakening we have the choice thesedays as to our attitude, ideals to work towards, continue and improve on.
We had a 2nd year give us 1st years a load of tips over coffee yesterday...
Stop thinking and just do it Johno.
Action more action. Enjoy the next bit of the journey.
For me, right now, I am in the darkest hour... just before the dawn, which will come after the exam on Thursday!
Thanks IFOBW you made me think, and just its an excuse to not study again tonight!
This is a friend of mine, he and his family are so lovely and he is a very humble, interesting and quirky. He also has flaws too. I aspire to be a little like him at the moment, but then really I would be just as happy to be myself. God is taking care of shaping me up nicely, when I let him!
I am not afraid, just driven by sloth and self will! at the moment.
And I have a resentment... intergroup tomorrow, how dare it disturb my study!! see how dishonest my thinking can be... Its not intergroup that stopps me studying.
I need to get over myself and just get on with it!
I have no idea what the future holds I know that I have been given this opportunity, and its my job to do the work set and its VERY exciting. I have absolute faith that whatever I will be given, I will be able to handle it, whether it be a 6 figure salary or not! I cant imagine what any of it will be like, I almost darent go there. As long as I am driven by Good and not defects or my own thinking, it will all be flippin' amazin! I KNOW ITS GONNA BE AMAZIN, EXCITING AND THE BEST EVER WHEN i GET THERE!! I know what I think I would like, but then I knew what I thought I would like and be like 4 years ago, in 2008. And I am and it is MUCH better, I have VERY limited thinking at time. But not as limited as some people I know, God has opened my mind and I try and live with out limited on God Power.
I have absolute faith its going to be amazing, the future. I have no idea what it will be like though!
Self will run riot and lots of reading of step 3 in the big book, all of it. Especially at the moment when there is no set timetable... its all about me, self discipline, doing the work when there is no one cracking the whip. Exam, I have to revise and attempt it, I have decided I will not get a good mark, so I will leave the revision til the last possible moment, to justify it, and tell myself I will do it different next semester... instead of just getting on with it now.
Its easy for me to start predicting the future and daydream in today
Just do today, then do the next week, and then the week after.
Otherwise I do nothing, which is what I want to do... its actually sabotage myself.
Fear and sloth... the termites that sabotage the new life we are building... Predicting the future and all its holds, is NOT helpful in today, is it?
Keep it simple...
No need to be scared, of money, prestige and property... its what I do with it and my attitude to it that really matters (in my opinion)
Money is not evil. Arrogance and grandiose exists even in those without, who sit in judgement of those who do, without really knowing what they do with it.
There will always be some who are grandiose, with and without money. Having had a spiritual awakening we have the choice thesedays as to our attitude, ideals to work towards, continue and improve on.
We had a 2nd year give us 1st years a load of tips over coffee yesterday...
Stop thinking and just do it Johno.
Action more action. Enjoy the next bit of the journey.
For me, right now, I am in the darkest hour... just before the dawn, which will come after the exam on Thursday!
Thanks IFOBW you made me think, and just its an excuse to not study again tonight!
This is a friend of mine, he and his family are so lovely and he is a very humble, interesting and quirky. He also has flaws too. I aspire to be a little like him at the moment, but then really I would be just as happy to be myself. God is taking care of shaping me up nicely, when I let him!
I am not afraid, just driven by sloth and self will! at the moment.
And I have a resentment... intergroup tomorrow, how dare it disturb my study!! see how dishonest my thinking can be... Its not intergroup that stopps me studying.
I need to get over myself and just get on with it!
Friday, January 04, 2008
I cant feel sorry for myself - Misery is impossible!!!!!!!
I have been trying really hard to
well not that hard really
just trying or expecting it cos I believe its what I should feel
but I cant ... I cant sit in self pity
I am grateful cos I am not really
anything when am full of it!
and it takes ages to climb out
I have reached a level of acceptance
and am accepting thats exactly how its meant to be
The devastation, sulking
has NOT reared up
and I even laughed at it all today
without having to talk it out
with a few
just you
and one other
and God
yes I am want it all MY WAY
I know its not possible
and its not aftecting every area of my life
Still ate, worked, laughed, did the right things
Home group was coool tnite
Good to be back
trying to live in the solution is the easier softer way
battling with what I cant have is not
I prayed more than twice for the pair of them
to have everything I could possibly wish for myself
and more than twice for each of them just incase...
they are sick like me!
whatever, I feel better for it :)
thanks for ALL your comments guys and gals
I appreciate all your xperience
its what I need to hear
day 1 of 14
continue to pray for those I am resentful at
have a good weekend
well not that hard really
just trying or expecting it cos I believe its what I should feel
but I cant ... I cant sit in self pity
I am grateful cos I am not really
anything when am full of it!
and it takes ages to climb out
I have reached a level of acceptance
and am accepting thats exactly how its meant to be
The devastation, sulking
has NOT reared up
and I even laughed at it all today
without having to talk it out
with a few
just you
and one other
and God
yes I am want it all MY WAY
I know its not possible
and its not aftecting every area of my life
Still ate, worked, laughed, did the right things
Home group was coool tnite
Good to be back
trying to live in the solution is the easier softer way
battling with what I cant have is not
I prayed more than twice for the pair of them
to have everything I could possibly wish for myself
and more than twice for each of them just incase...
they are sick like me!
whatever, I feel better for it :)
thanks for ALL your comments guys and gals
I appreciate all your xperience
its what I need to hear
day 1 of 14
continue to pray for those I am resentful at
have a good weekend
Thursday, January 03, 2008
The truth is now out
When the line goes
I spent Christmas at xxxx's mums
TRUTH just came up to my face and looked me in the eye
or jumped off the page
The truth hurts at times but I prefer to know
Its getting easier to find out sooner than later
My Interest has a significant other (groan)
So I have to let go (more groaning)
Well that is what God tells me
Hand it over
self wills creaking under the strain
I predict a riot!
So before it happend
I have to remind myself of the deal
I made to do the right thing
do anything as long as its not destructive
I added on the end of the
... to myself or others
I chose to try to walk the path of righteousness
Hand in Hand with the spirit of the Universe
not veer off into a dishonest
wrestling with a herd of pigs
when I can blatently see it ahead or next to me
I choose not to live infant..asy
old thinking
hanging on to what is not IN THE HERE AND NOW
there is no room for me
when there is someone else
and so I must not hang around
wishing and hoping or nudging along
there is no point and thats self will
I have done enough of this in the past
Self will run riot P62
Time to read Step 3 again and again and again
another desicion on yet another area of my life
First thought
Well have to cease all contact
Stop going where we both go
(which is where we met)
and sulk
There has been nothing going on
no flirting, I dont think so anyway
its just been simple really
and more friendly as times gone on
But I dont want to do any of that
First thought stuff ANYMORE
If I cease and avoid ALL people I get feelings for
I would have to live in Greenland
and even then the eskimo's would not be safe
So for now
I choose to keep on keeping on
grow this friendship
accept it as a friendship
and pray for my interest and
significant other, and wish them well
grit teeth initially, I know the praying
will get easier and it works
its true
No fantasy
no hanging around
If you love someone you have to let them go
if they are meant to come back... they will
its none of my business
I have no idea how cupid works... do you?
I know what the relationship is, boundaries are set
and its ok for it to stay that way
the friendship is growing and its lovely
If I can't handle it
or should I say my head cant handle it
then I have to be honest and walk away
Its worked in the past
It has to be done
again and again
It is the easier softer way
I have spent too long
hanging around waiting
or getting involved with
people in relationships
who think the grass is greener
or who I think there grass will be greener
and it isnt
Its a lie
I cant deal with the head 'uck
of a double life
or with someone else's double life
and its not what I agreed with God
when I did Step 4
I don't want to be like that anymore
being single
has its moments of self pity
but generally its far better and richer
being single and honest
than half measures in or out of dishonest fantasy
I cant do half measures
they avail me nothing!
Let Go and let God
ok, I have to pray for them for the next 2 weeks
twice a day or more if required
and see what happens
ultimately I am prepared after
going to anylengths
to walk down a different street
Is this what they mean by
the road gets narrower
and it gets more difficult
to NOT do the right thing?
More Growing up pains, I am feeling
I'm off down t'gym show off my tan
and good looks
see y'all
desperado... this is how I use to be
I am coming to my senses
These things that pleased me, hurt me
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can’t get
There's someone out here
I just haven't found 'em yet
or did I just let someone go a while back?
Cos I was just to scared to say what I wanted
and too sick at the time anyway
to have any hope of anything
but a hostage situation
I can see now
that its possible
to let someone in
and let them out again
God help me please
while i'm at the gym
help me process this stuff
I spent Christmas at xxxx's mums
TRUTH just came up to my face and looked me in the eye
or jumped off the page
The truth hurts at times but I prefer to know
Its getting easier to find out sooner than later
My Interest has a significant other (groan)
So I have to let go (more groaning)
Well that is what God tells me
Hand it over
self wills creaking under the strain
I predict a riot!
So before it happend
I have to remind myself of the deal
I made to do the right thing
do anything as long as its not destructive
I added on the end of the
... to myself or others
I chose to try to walk the path of righteousness
Hand in Hand with the spirit of the Universe
not veer off into a dishonest
wrestling with a herd of pigs
when I can blatently see it ahead or next to me
I choose not to live infant..asy
old thinking
hanging on to what is not IN THE HERE AND NOW
there is no room for me
when there is someone else
and so I must not hang around
wishing and hoping or nudging along
there is no point and thats self will
I have done enough of this in the past
Self will run riot P62
Time to read Step 3 again and again and again
another desicion on yet another area of my life
First thought
Well have to cease all contact
Stop going where we both go
(which is where we met)
and sulk
There has been nothing going on
no flirting, I dont think so anyway
its just been simple really
and more friendly as times gone on
But I dont want to do any of that
First thought stuff ANYMORE
If I cease and avoid ALL people I get feelings for
I would have to live in Greenland
and even then the eskimo's would not be safe
So for now
I choose to keep on keeping on
grow this friendship
accept it as a friendship
and pray for my interest and
significant other, and wish them well
grit teeth initially, I know the praying
will get easier and it works
its true
No fantasy
no hanging around
If you love someone you have to let them go
if they are meant to come back... they will
its none of my business
I have no idea how cupid works... do you?
I know what the relationship is, boundaries are set
and its ok for it to stay that way
the friendship is growing and its lovely
If I can't handle it
or should I say my head cant handle it
then I have to be honest and walk away
Its worked in the past
It has to be done
again and again
It is the easier softer way
I have spent too long
hanging around waiting
or getting involved with
people in relationships
who think the grass is greener
or who I think there grass will be greener
and it isnt
Its a lie
I cant deal with the head 'uck
of a double life
or with someone else's double life
and its not what I agreed with God
when I did Step 4
I don't want to be like that anymore
being single
has its moments of self pity
but generally its far better and richer
being single and honest
than half measures in or out of dishonest fantasy
I cant do half measures
they avail me nothing!
Let Go and let God
ok, I have to pray for them for the next 2 weeks
twice a day or more if required
and see what happens
ultimately I am prepared after
going to anylengths
to walk down a different street
Is this what they mean by
the road gets narrower
and it gets more difficult
to NOT do the right thing?
More Growing up pains, I am feeling
I'm off down t'gym show off my tan
and good looks
see y'all
desperado... this is how I use to be
I am coming to my senses
These things that pleased me, hurt me
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can’t get
There's someone out here
I just haven't found 'em yet
or did I just let someone go a while back?
Cos I was just to scared to say what I wanted
and too sick at the time anyway
to have any hope of anything
but a hostage situation
I can see now
that its possible
to let someone in
and let them out again
God help me please
while i'm at the gym
help me process this stuff
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