Moving - its for real!!

I accepted an offer on my flat today
and got offer accepted on house
which ny heart moved to yesterday evening!

Its funny (well not really!)
yesterday I did very little praying through the day
and ran along on experience & knowledge
and got pretty anxious at times

spoke to my brother
and he told me straight
and put this in perspective
we only have one life
as a human anyway
who knows what I might come back as
aswell as a few other more practical things...
like if its what you want and you can afford it
then just do it!

I called up a mate who
I know used to be an estate agent
and blahed at her...
she empathised and said
yep play the game
you have to play the bidding game
and then just hand it over...
she had just been to a step 3 meeting
frik! it never entered my head step 3
I prayed but not on this
not before every phone call
before everything
like I seem to so often these days
its like in hurry and indecision
i forgot! hit a blank spot
self will run riot
I love my fellowship friends, sponsors whatever
seem to know when to chuck things in
i like that
in fact I love it!
sometimes I just need telling
yes you are a tw*t, now step 3 anyway!

Today I prayed before EVERY phone call
every thing I did
and its all been agreed in one day
a miracle or what!?

So I am moving to the coast
house with 2 gardens
bedroom windows that I can leave open at night
doors that lead into garden
fields nearby
swans and ducks on the lakes close by
oh yeh
and the sea with sandy/pebble beach just a short walk

finalise my moving over my mortgage tomorrow
so not out of the water yet!
although nearly there...

Went to next physio apt after work
arm and shoulder movement improving
the excersizes she gave me are working
and following her suggestions
regarding what not to do!

and went and did chair at home group
I dunno
and this morning got to work on time
and there was a newcomer at mtg very 1st one!

and I got home and a cheque on mat
could life really get better?

The only things I havent got
are marriage and kids!
well at my age its possible
God I will try and leave this one
entirely in your hands!
if you want to give me that aswell
well whatever
:)

If I die in the night
make sure they know
I am VERY happy

I am 4 years 364days sober
and very grateful
good night

money prestige and property - Tradition 6 reminds me - beware

The house I want
I have made an offer on
and its been rejected
the one I am selling
I am at accepting price
its all rather stress full
yee haaa
I now have to come up with
another offer
and see what happens

theres a combination of Tradition 6
happening ... which warns me to be ware
the stuff that not good for the fellowship
may also be harmful to me

Money - buying and selling price
attachment to what money I have
what I think my flat is worth
what they think their house is worth
what my buyer wants to pay and what
I want to pay
or more realistically
what I dont want to pay
what I dont want to part with!

Prestige - Ego
is rather stretched and shrunked
pounded a great deal today
negotiating
getting knocked back
waiting
yaaaaah

Property - or is it peace of mind
what exactly am I buying and selling?
security - peace of mind
mine and someone elses

Frikkin bizarre
I tell you I am grateful
for the fellowship
I have been to
5 meetings in the last 4 days
not through desperation
through doing the right thing
a chair and homegroup
2 in the new town I am glad for
to meet new people and to
get grounded in between viewings
and in some spare time
it grounds me
I have to listen to someone else
the truths... basic truths
and this morning
I leaned on the fellowship
to help me to get to work on time
and it worked
I will post about it tomorrow
i am off to bed!
see ya
I am knackered
mentally
back to my old home group tomorrow night
plan a meeting in the morning aswell
see what happens!

its weird I dont feel like
i need all these meetings
yet its happening that way
so I will run with it
perhaps if I wasnt doing them
I really would be ? nuts!
sometimes its ok to take
unconditional love
is about giving and being
able to receive aswell
I think!

It's time - to move - on

I have had this calling for a while
to somewhere I have never been
and for some reason
when i try and look elsewhere
my mind returns to this place

Its time
to let go of another area of the past
a long term relationship
that I have still have ties
purely financial
it seems there is never a good time
to "cash" in the chips
so I have decided to just do it
and pay off the ex
regardless
its time
no one is making me
no one has asked
and no one is expecting it
infact I dont even know if this person
is still alive!!

I had the most amazing time on holiday
the most peaceful and beautiful
place I have ever been
I lived outside for 2 weeks
in sunshine and sea air
clear sea and swimming with fish
which I can only describe as perfect
perfect for post exam head knackered
it quieted me right down

Also took up windsurfing again
after a 25 year gap
I always wanted to do it in warm water and winds
well I just did
and I suprised myself at HOW GOOD I AM!
UK water is much colder
but apparantly
this place thats calling me
has a good windsurf scene
coincidence? Nah!

I also came to a decision
I am ready and I want a relationship
a loving one
I feel ready to do make an attempt
and anylengths attempt
at a day at a time
I also came to one that
its time to let go absolutely
from the last one
even though
on the surface I have
financial ties are not cut
to move on I need to let go absolutely
I am open
I have to just start asking
living in fanstasy
and the inevitable crushes
are now a tad boring!
at times

The seaside
the ocean
has been calling me for a while
posts looking back
have been about
water
air
sea
waves
there are no coincidences
I have no idea why this particular place
is calling me
but this weeken I am going to take a look

I have been researching for a little while
I have decluttered my place
and put the thing on the market
which in a falling market is in itself
a leap of faith... some may say insane
but as I am after peace of mind and long term
so I do no feel insane
its a calculated risk
no need for me to go into all the options
just trust me on that there will ALWAYS be a risk
even in the most stable of markets
one can buy a perfect place and find out
the neighbour plays music till all hours
no knowledge of money markets could forcast that
so its not about the MONEY
its not about the size of PROPERTY
its not about PRESTIGE
its about looking for Gods Will
and in that I will find peace of mind
and fun
and a garden to grow things
to hang my washing out in
God I have missed that stuff

Today I woke up
really with no interest in my job
or anything they were talking about
at the conference I was at
COULD THIS BE THAT MY HEART HAS
LEFT THE BUILDING?
I had very little sleep last night
and have spent the last 7 days
painting decorating and decluttering
aswell as working, going to the gym
meetings and phoning newcomers
shopping and eating
its kind of no wonder
I am knackered!
H.A.L.T.= TIRED
Got home from work and slept
in my uncluttered flat!

Well thats me for now
Going to do some step 10's
and pray

ps. All this moving, and calling
and relationship
could just be absurd ideas...
Step 3 is about trying
being willing and openminded
faith
if its Gods will
the doors will open
if its self will
the doors will snap shut!

I think my mum would be really happy
that I spend some of the money she left me
on helping me in the next 12 months
:)

Mums Will not Mine be done - Tradition 6

6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

Ok, I am not an AA group
this is only my interpretation
of how I use this Tradition
in this area of my life today
This is not AA endorsed
Just a share of my experience
Of what helps me

With Will (thats Mums not mine)
have written out a first draft of the division
as I see it
will go over it again later
and send it off to brother
Strip to basics
Whats in the estate
how much is liquid
and how much isnt (groan)
BEFORE veering off
These things are rarely straightforward

If we could predict when we were gonna die
We would rewrite our wills just before
I am sure
Even then it wouldnt all fit with those left behind
I am sure

Thank God for Tradition 6
Its not my money, its a gift
For me, I have in the last few years
Has a closeness with my brother
across the miles that I never had before
and its lovely and gets stronger
he's even on facebook now LOL

With the help of Tradition 6
I will try and not let
Money, Property and Prestige
Divert me from my primary purpose
In this area of my life
Executing Mums will
Taking into account
what she did with "her estate"
post will
and before she died
and my brother
and his ex
and our neices/children
and me

In this area of my life
Being an responsible executor
But not a megalomaniac
Being a beneficiary
but not a victim
Doing the right thing TODAY
As opposed to what the will says, when it was written
Trying to walking a mile in my deceased mums shoes
with the help of my DAD, his fiance, mums best friend
my brother, his ex
and my own knowledge, and spiritual principles
Prayer and God
Not putting money before Love
I love my brother more than I love money its true
I would give all this money to him rather than lose him

I would rather let go of all the money than my sobriety
over a resentment, thank God for Step10's and Prayers

Fighting over this
Is not Mums Will
lying down, legs in the air and doing the dying fly
Is not in Mums will either

Thats how it is today, its real
Money is right sized, its true
First though is... I want my share, all of it, I cant wait for it
and my mental defense God kicks in any says
well its only money, a gift from your Mum
and what you gonna spend it on TODAY ?
Needs not wants Johno (Stella ;)
Love and Service and Tradition 6

Setting and example
Confronting whats written
without aggression or fear
without greed
without arrogance, rigidness
Confronting what we are dealing with
even though its abit messy
Its not as bad as some peoples estates I hear

Thankfully I dont feel a victim in all this
Nor do I feel that I have all Power
Just gratitude for trying out this stuff
on yet another area of my life
which will undoubtedly help me
and my brother and the kids

The fact that I have a large sum of money in my account
and I dont have a cash card to draw any money from it
cos I lost it, last week...

YOU TELL ME THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES
I dont think so God

yeh am dealing with this grown up like
as it should be
no running, no spending before its sorted
no doing things without
full agreement with brother
being transparent with it all
no woolly figures
all exact (as it can be)
no fear no limits
no victims, just volunteers
Its lovely

the will states x
due to whats happened since the Will being written
and before death
means that to rigidly stick to
"I want my share"
would be time consuming and costly
peoples homes to be sold
lives turned upside down
inorder to rigidly say
this is what am due

Read to the end of Tradition 6..
heres how it works for me

But Johno they tell me
you are due your share...
we wouldnt have written the will like that...
the money shouldnt have got spent like that...
he must give up some of his share...
they are his kids not your problem....
he always gets what he wants...
my old ideas agree

old ideas no longer match my perfect ideal
Spiritual principles do match my perfect ideal
and I love what they already have done for me
and I trust they will for this too
And acceptance is the answer...
Whats written is done... cannot be changed
part has been pre divided is done... cannot be changed

My response today is
"I know that" I said
"But this is no time for legalities
Alcoholics Anonymous,
has given me tools so I am NOT driven by
greed or a belief that money will bring me happiness
or improve my relationship with my brother
and neices, without money already I have these two things
in abundance, beyond anything I could ever have dreamed,
and AA saved my life,
I wont be the guy to land
my sobriety, my ego, my mind in Big time trouble,
and this would really do it"

Oddly enough this money comes with a price
and its simply that
I must be willing to give it all away
(it being money)
to keep it
(it being sobriety, serenity and peace of mind)
and so I shall

Gods in charge