Quality not quantity - Calling on humilty required

Why am i amazed?
Because i am so self centred :-)

Went to 3 meetings this weekend
I can kid myself and say
Because i wanted to
Or accept its because i needed to
And these days i try and 
Honour my needs rather than 
My wants

Answers to prayers 
Tell me
Go pitch a tent in my own 
Neighbourhood

Feel like change is afoot
Am ready
If its Gods will
It will be ok
So no point in fighting
Doesnt mean it will be easy

Spiritual is being the woman
I am meant to be
Letting God
Prune, mould, shape, grow me
Accepting i am mishapen
And need shaping up :-)

It did me so much good
To be around local people
Raw and recovering
People like me that didnt want
To sit in the meeting
But DID because we KNEW
We needed it
Its feeling like its time to
Work with new newcomers again
Those 3 meeting acted like
Stabilisers for me this weekend
A chance to rebalance
Its not about drinking... (for now)
Its about emotional sobriety
Not carrying resentments round
Clocking people round the heads
With them whilst i am working thru them
Write it pray it talk it then repeat :-)


I am full in all areas
Yet i know if its Gods will
He will make time appear
Easily if i let him
Difficult if i hang onto stuff !!

As Stuart used to say
No Steps
No change
No sober

Changing times
And being amazed
Is also a joy of humility
Being teacheable
Letting others show me
There is another way
A entirely different angle
To look at everything
Alone i may not be tall
Enough to see 
With others in recovery
 i get lifted up
Always!!

Grateful for
Prayer, meditation
Keeping my mouth shut
Not retaliating
Being willing to fit in
Not change it to fit me

Let go absolutely
No hanging onto the
Corner of the towel
Because i think i need it!!!
Self centredness 

Back to basics in challenging times
The old timers gave us the 3 legacies
God bless them
Recovery - use the tools - steps - use the principles
Unity- with others - fellowship
Service - pass it on - help others

Resentment is the number 1 offender. It destroys more alkys
Than anything else

Do not underestimate this
Do not mess around
Life is precious
Recovery is a gift
5% alkys make it
Feel blessed
X

Step 11 - Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer. p87

I "was too judgemental
scared and self willed
to really be open minded"

since going through the steps
I have come to believe in a Loving God
who wants the best for me
which really turned things around

however living as a human
living in the world
not in a bubble/meetings/convent/own head
long term
I need more than a Spirit

I need a role model
which is where I let go of old ideas
let go of judgment
let go of self will
became openminded
and no longer afraid
of turning my life over
and my will
becoming part of
showing all of me
standing up
RECOVERY

I have a role model
and I am building a relationship
with Him
apparantly it can last forever
and I will never be let down

so I am giving Him ago
testing Him

Reading praying and in fellowship
having fun, playing guitar
beach antics
BBQs and bacon butties!
at the same time

its new
yet I need something
thats everlasting
and proven to help many
and there is no reason
why He shouldnt work for me aswell
as I am working for Him

where i found Him
bizarrely
on the edge of the world
in an on the edge church
worldwide known for social action
welcomes alkys and addicts
unceremoniously
SERVICE

my kind a Home
my kind of family
my kind of imperfect
loving friends
with a Loving God
as we understand him
Unity

Keep coming back
til it stops working :)

My conscience is telling me...

I need to go to a meeting
with the intention of being useful...

Give freely of what you have been given...

It doesnt say
reap the rewards
and then enjoy it all selfishly

It doesnt say
Having has a spiritual awakening
as the result of these steps
we forget about the still suffering alky
because we are feeling well
all the promises have come true
you know how to work it now
in all you affairs
and know you make your own misery
when you dont
it doesnt say
forget about the newcomer

does it?

Unity
Service
Recovery

Repeat until you stop breathing

My blog name is Johno and I am an alcoholic

I share my experience of

what it was like
when I was drinking, inside my head
and the consequences
destruction inside my head
and to the people around me

I share my strength

What happened
what brought me to AA
what I saw
what I saw happening to others
how I changed
what changed me
how it happened
what changes
inside my head
my physical self
and spiritually
how different I feel

I share my hope

What its like now
how I am
perfect in my imperfectness
flawed and accepting it
changing the things I can
accepting the things I cant
having wisdom to know the difference
(most of the time)
taking an honest look at my strength and weaknesses
and being prepared to put in the action
minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day
to become as true to gods will for me as I can

I am not perfect, almost...
Nearly saint like, but not quite...

With humour
With humility
Without humiliation

Sharing with another alcoholic
exactly what happens in my head
brings a smile in theirs
the smile brings relief to their heart
a peace in their mind
it brings a smile to my heart, I am useful
a peace in my heart and mind
relief of the aloneness ... me too
One alcoholic talking to another
sharing his experience, strength and hope
two hearts beating as one together
unity, recovery and service

You know I am a poet
and I haven't accepted it yet

And Ms Slug... if you are reading this
stay away from the salt!
Its the first grain that does the damage

Why do I do it?
So I dont lose it
I give it away to keep it

Have I lost it?
Nah, the opposite
I got to keep it another day

Here once again
Until the big guy upstairs
decides otherwise
and sends the lift down for me

Good night
God bless everyone and all the slugs
out there avoiding that 1st grain

How it is today ?

I am ready to find a 2nd home group
I need a 2nd one
I have been putting one particular one out of my mind
a) because I need to study
b) because my sponsor goes
c) because someone I like is free on that day
I have to be willing to let go absolutely in everything
a) I am unable to study on this evening (too tired)
b) its a good meeting, carries the message and offers
fellowship, its not suprising my sponsor goes there.
does that mean I cant too? perhaps I need to find a meeting
and try and carry the message there?
no why do I have to reinvent the wheel? I do not have to crusade
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.P77
this could be turning up to an already good meeting
and carrying my expreience strength and hope
in unity, same message, different messenger
I am there for the same reason she is
to carry the message to the alcoholic who still stuffers
c) Let it Go, its funny how I can put a halt on everything JUSTINCASE
someone I like is free on this day... First things First,
my spiritual fitness must come first
When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physicallyp64

I dont feel in the middle of the AA bed
When am not in the middle of the AA bed
I feel disconnected
Got one foot hanging out
unmanageable
the simplest things become mountains

I went to AA region meeting today in GSR role
I felt part of
I found out about more service at Intergroup and region level
and its interesting to me
and its what longer time sober people who have what I want seem to do
(get off there ass's and get involved, take an active interest
in this thing thats saved their lives)

Sponsees are one thing I must do
I also need to maintain my own peace of mind
by doing what feels comfortable to me aswell
Sponsoring is essential to my recovery
nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.P90
I dont enjoy it, infact at the moment
i find it painful watching self will running riot in others
knowing there isnt a damn thing I can do about it
i too am self willed and want to fix it or make it go away
Just for today
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
Sponsoring is one of them (at the moment)
standing by passing it on and letting go

Intergroup and Region is optional
and I find things in there that interest me
and I can volunteer for if i want to
no-one will tell me mmm well you wont stay sober
if you dont do region work! or your not working your programme
if you dont do region level...

So for me its important that I am fitting with our 3 legacies
Am in a changing period in the SERVICE part of our triangle
For my own RECOVERY I need another home group to commit to
For the UNITY I can choose how to carry the message
as long as I carry it with you in line with AA guidelines
It is up to me if I choose to get involved in the links outside of group level
to help carry the message of recovery to the still suffering
who hasnt made it in AA yet
BUT and its a big BUT! I give freely
(thats without resentment or arrogance or self pity)
or dont do it atall!

Oh well thats just how it is today
In a period of change
Change is essential
Change is happening all the time
I either embrace it or fight it
either way I cant stop it!

okay, thats enough of seeing whats going on inside my head today
Nothing am worried about
just using my blog today to process some things
get honest and see what it looks like in the
warm light off the page

Catch you later I need to eat and head off down the gym!

Listen for the similarities - magic words ME TOO

Did a chair last night
Just did it
From the heart
Tell the truth
what it was like
what happened
what it is like now

Although I dont talk alot about
other stuff I "used" and "did"
I do list a few things... difficulties... problems
Although they dont make me alcoholic
It IS part of my experience
They are my Difficulties (step3)
This programme and God (as I understand Him)
has helped me overcome
and stop doing, they have been taken away

A complete stranger came upto me after
asked me to talk with her friend
they had come in late to the meeting
she too self harmed and felt too 'ucked up
she has only been in a few days
I said that I too had felt too 'ucked up
I was too was convinced it would not work for me
AA didnt give up on me
AA's didnt give up on me either
They said just keep coming back
Do the suggestions
Day at a time
Pick up the phone before you pick up a knife or finger nails
or any other sharp object
and IT HAS worked
and I am very glad that I was wrong
and there is no reason why it won't work for her too

She left a message for me today
To thank me
she feels something shifted last night
and she felt better today

I remember when that isolation shield
began crumpling under the strain
it eventually gave way

I am no longer alone
Neither is she

Am grateful that I have gone from
Being too frightened to speak
Being too crippled inside to feel
to
Speaking the Language of the Heart
and shining a light of hope directly
into her heart for a brief moment
she felt that me too, there's someone like me

AA you did that for us last night
You (the great you) and God

Thankyou

Recovery, Unity, Service

Learn to Listen, Listen to Learn

I heard
The bad thing about recovery is
you feel great
then you think you dont need it
then you stop working it
and many alkys forget
and drink
and some die
that was from a 25year sober AA

he values his sobriety
if he didnt stay sober
everything else would not be
He works it everyday
simple stuff
in all his affairs
and he isnt perfect

me am doing lots of service
lots of carrying the message
lots of tradition 5
its all going ok
I love it all

Wheres the listening time
I dont know it all
its alright carrying the message
I need to listen again

None of us makes a sole vocation of this work,
nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. P19

My imagination is fired
I am free to do anything
I feel it
I now have too many choices
And not enough time
to do it all
with love
am fraying at the edges
starting to become unmanageable
too much to deal with
I am not a robot
quality not quantity

Time to review
Recovery
Unity
Service
inventory
prayer meditation
service

unconditional love
= giving without strings
= giving freely

I need to improve my conscious contact
Am running too highly
on Pride & self will
enthusiasm is there
passion there
Fear is creeping in
replace fear with faith

physically am just a mere human being
AA will survive without me
I wont survive with out my conscious contact

I need to let go a little
Need to spend time
talking with God more
or rather listening
Works without Faith is dead!!
Quality not Quantity

Control Freaks dont rule... OK
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn´t think so. P62

God I offer myself to Thee,
to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt
Relieve me of the bondage of self
that I may better do Thy will
take away my difficulties
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help
of thy power
Thy Love
and Thy way of life
may I do Thy will always!
P63

Page refs to Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous

Prison Service - will I fit ?

Have been "thinking" about doing prison service

.....since I was 2 years sober

That was nearly 2 years ago!!


This week I got the prison contacts from

our intergroup service workshop

I have signed up for a chair in a local prison next month

At a meeting the next day they wanted people to do

chairs in another prison... I put my name down

There are no coincidences


Service keeps me sober & gives me inner strength

Staying sober & doing service gives me opportunities

get out of my Comfort Zone

grow into new comfort zones

Natural progressions

Growth with a real purpose P77

Tradition 5


Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum

service to God and the people about us. P77

How will I know where I fit ? By giving it a go

Getting into the middle of the AA bed

I wont know if I fit til I get in or out and about

with the people about us

Your job now is to be at the place where you may

be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never

hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. p102

No hesitation this week

Get In There!!

AA Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous

Step 10 & 3 Legacies

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action
and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do,
for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism.
What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the
maintenance of our spiritual condition.

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of
God’s will into all of our activities.
“How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done.”
These are thoughts which must go with us constantly.
We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish.
It is the proper use of the will.

Much has already been said about receiving strength,
inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge
and power. If we have carefully followed directions,
we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us.
To some extent we have become God-conscious.
We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense.
But we must go further and that means more action.

P85 Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous

Our triangle has 3 sides
3 legacies
Unity
Service
Recovery

When am not practicing all 3 i get a little unbalanced
Dishonest even
Have to say, much fellowship and service going on
have rested up on inventory for a few days
the quality time, which i find so rewarding
has diminished..... self will...
blogging has taken over that time
motives not entirely honest
what happened to first things first
Reliance on God

I like the way I feel when I am doing all 3
so I do it to feel good
strengthen & maintain this
broadband contact with God/Good/Best
a sense of real humour
a sense of real truth
all that positive stuff that comes wth it

To Thine own self be true
Awareness & honesty
yeh back to basics again
HALT
regular inventory
prayer
helping newcomers

Progress not perfection
Practice, practice

Just a bit of action to take
It will all be ok

back soon

Questions for Conference

Created much comments tonight
some sayalot
some say a little
some agree
some dont

Its fab having a home group
that discusses questions for conference
We have a wealth of experience
at group, intergroup, region and conference levels
I came in to the meeting with my view
and then it changed, as a result of the evidence
presented from AA literature, by "older" group members
This is cool stuff

Am becoming a GSR thats interested in
the guidelines, reading Bill W's concepts

AA literature... all of it is such a gift
as is often said
AA is Divinely Inspired
Much of the writing is visionary
It doesnt date
Easy to use stuff that works in all my affairs
Another part of this "design for living" p28

It dont all make sense if i read it to know
to feed my ego, make me knowledgeable...
It makes sense when its meant to when its needed
When I need to know, I am shown

Service Rocks!!

P28 Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous

Old Ideas - what i need or what i want

Large retail parks, warehouses, huge expanses of space
Filled with things which I think i need some of
Truth is I dont.... today
But again today I was with someone who was going
So I went along, thinking there may be something I need
Something new, from the last time i went to one
which i didnt need anything last time
No, once again I dont
The stuff i may need, i can pick up locally
when i need it
no need to get it today just incase


It has been a beautiful day
Sun shone this morning
Got a lift to another part of town
Listened to someone talk about themselves
Was of service
talked about me for abit
Someone showed me in my face alcohol & insanity
how frightening it can be to fear telling the truth
seeing what a cornered animal looks like
in the form of a human, on the jumping off point
gripped, scared, a 6foot toddler...
food and friends

still have some bug
no decorating today
further sleeping, must need it

Good night, its been satisfactory :-)
Which is what was promised

thank you

Today is a gift

I am off for a long weekend with family, which includes a couple of under fives. Thats the interesting part. This weekend will call for, any lengths.

willlingness, openminded, labor, patience and tolerence, love and service

The train trip up was interesting, the only one in the front carriage freaked me out at first, what if it crashes, i'll dies alone (freaky thought huh) i never even thought about the driver. But then a couple of people got in, with cans of lager & it got interesting. How come guys love to take their shirts off when theyve had a few? I dont understand this phenomena, what happens to them ? Anyway, it was all gonna get distracting, so I put on the MP3, got my big book out & read the upto the middle of the Drs opinion, FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE BOOK. It took me ages, as i kept on drifting out of the carriage, but it helped me to re-read it.

My meeting tonight, was ok, gratitude in it alot. Although someone had relapsed after 18months. It seems to me that the three sides to our triangle, Recovery, Service, Unity must to go hand in hand or it dont work.

It really is a selfish programme that we have to give it away to keep it & we have to have something to give & somewhere to give it away to.

In the course of his third treatment he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery. As part of his rehabilitation he commenced to present his conception sto other alcoholics, impressing upon them that they mustdo likewise with still others. This has become the basis of a rapidly growing fellowship of these men and their families.This man and over one hundred others appear to have recovered. Page xxiii Alcoholics Anonymous

Me am away from my home town, away from usual meetings, away from my routine, but this time i have no fear. I am with people who love me, who know i am in recovery & dont mess with it. I am without fear. I will take it a day at a time, hour at a time. Do the next right thing & do it with my HP in the driving seat. The fellowship is up here & cell phones & sms & blogging to keep intouch. Its everywhere & its here with me, I am not alone anymore.

Tonight i was asked to babysit for both their kids tomorrow... today i am responsible, today I am trusted. Today I feel trustworthy. Its a gift.

Gonna sleep now.