Well known stats
show that many people
drink after Christmas
after new year
There is no need to drink
Go to meetings
help others
stay honest
dont drink
go to meetings
pick up the phone
before you pick up a drink
Pray for a sober day
thank HP for a sober day
write a gratitude list
read the big book
pick something from the
Just for today card
and do it
each day
start your day again
go to a meeting
Showing posts with label Just For Today Card. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just For Today Card. Show all posts
Monday, December 26, 2011
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Job or no job
It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.
As i read yesterdays post
I think of this
Pointing fingers at everything
Which isnt right...
Well it must be me then!!
Yeh stuff is uncomfortable
And its my job to change
The things i can
Just for today I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle all my problems at once.
I can do something for twelve hours
that would appall me if I felt that
I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Trust God
Trust the process
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Just for today - accepting powerlessness
Just for today
Just for today
I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.
I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.
yet again
a moment of clarity
a realisation that I am powerless
over everything really
yet at the same time
not in a victim like way
walking through
what seems to be a war zone
when everythings comin' atcha
and evertything seems to be changing
and everything is
i must be the centre of the universe!! hehe
head spinning
old behaviours comin at me
old thoughts
new thoughts
new actions
new opportunities
see what the comfortzone
I once knoew disappreared
a few years ago
and I have not felt it since
although I have felt peace and serenity
and perfection at times
I am not sure I have felt in a comfort zone
for a while now
is this a problem?
well I only just write it
and no it dont feel a problem
just an observation really
at times its all very exhausting
and I suppose thats probably self will
trying to controll the uncontrollable
trying willpower on what I am powerless over
change!
everything changes
my job is to fit myself to be of maximum helpfulness p102
whatever happens
I realised aswell in the last 24 hours
I am powerless over my father smoking
and when he dies
no matter what happens to him
nothing can make him stop
not that really I have tried
this recent treatment will cost him money
will that stop him?
maybe only death with stop him
like drinking
smoking is addition/illnes/disease
smoking is a family illness too
I am not sure that he has any idea
how his recent heart attack has affected
his close family and friends
perhaps when he returns to the UK
he will?
usually I say nothing about his smoking
and gave up talking about it years ago
who am I to judge
and his and his significant other's attitude towards it
is simply none of anyones business
continuing to smoke
after his triple bypass a while back
restraint of tongue and pen does not apply here!
its my stream of consciousness
and i'll cry if I want to :)
i noticed my father carried guilt burdens
which he shared when I made amends
he does not have a program
he does not have a God
to ask for forgiveness from
unconditionally
and thats sad
I read this about building our soul today by Paolo Coelho
Four Forces issue 203
First Force: Love
Rabbi Iaakov’s wife was always looking for an excuse to argue with her husband. Iaakov never answered her provocations.
Until one night when, during a dinner with some friends, the rabbi had a ferocious argument with his wife to the surprise of all at table.
“What happened?” they asked. “Why did you break your habit of never answering?”
“Because I realized that what bothered my wife most was the fact that I remained silent. Acting in this way, I remained far from her emotions. My reaction was an act of love, and I managed to make her understand that I heard her words."
which has changed my attitude
that restraint of tongue and pen
minding my own business
and live and let live
is not always the loving thing
this does not mean
ranting, telling, ordering, ultimatums, sulking is
what i see today
is that I need to pray for the words
ask God to give me the words
to say to my Dad
to express how I do not want him to die
and early death
that seeing him smoking really upsets me
seeing my mum in the last stages
of lung cancer was a frightening
and the memories of what she physically looked
like I do not think I will ever erase
from my mind
I do not think all this is to be said
agai I am expressing
my stream of consciousness
yet at the same time
As with Rabbi Isaakov
If I stay silent he will not know that
I love him and value him being around
My father said to me
twice in two overseas phone calls
from his intensive care bed
"I love you"
I dont remember
him EVER saying me loves me
I know he does
he just doesnt say it
At the same time
I am accepting that he may continue smoking
no matter what I say
and die very soon
or live for a lot longer
or his arteries could collapse on the plane home
or like my mum
he may pack up smoking and be dead within 6 months!
see am powerless
and accepting
and full of fecking wisdom
sometimes i wonder if
ignorance is really bliss
i'm off to denial
smoking doesnt kill right!?
ok, aside from this
I am enjoying friends
making music
beach
local AA
I started a new group at my church
although
being me
theres a battle going on
inside
which leaves me very lonely
and at times
i really dont want to play anymore
although i accept
more and more
I am so blessed
to be more understanding and compassionate
towards myself
to have some very understanding
humans around me
who overlook my shortcomings
and focus on my strengths
and so when stop in fear
pause
pause longer
I turn towards and continue
keep coming back
saw a rainbow yesterday :)
Just for today
I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.
I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.
yet again
a moment of clarity
a realisation that I am powerless
over everything really
yet at the same time
not in a victim like way
walking through
what seems to be a war zone
when everythings comin' atcha
and evertything seems to be changing
and everything is
i must be the centre of the universe!! hehe
head spinning
old behaviours comin at me
old thoughts
new thoughts
new actions
new opportunities
see what the comfortzone
I once knoew disappreared
a few years ago
and I have not felt it since
although I have felt peace and serenity
and perfection at times
I am not sure I have felt in a comfort zone
for a while now
is this a problem?
well I only just write it
and no it dont feel a problem
just an observation really
at times its all very exhausting
and I suppose thats probably self will
trying to controll the uncontrollable
trying willpower on what I am powerless over
change!
everything changes
my job is to fit myself to be of maximum helpfulness p102
whatever happens
I realised aswell in the last 24 hours
I am powerless over my father smoking
and when he dies
no matter what happens to him
nothing can make him stop
not that really I have tried
this recent treatment will cost him money
will that stop him?
maybe only death with stop him
like drinking
smoking is addition/illnes/disease
smoking is a family illness too
I am not sure that he has any idea
how his recent heart attack has affected
his close family and friends
perhaps when he returns to the UK
he will?
usually I say nothing about his smoking
and gave up talking about it years ago
who am I to judge
and his and his significant other's attitude towards it
is simply none of anyones business
continuing to smoke
after his triple bypass a while back
restraint of tongue and pen does not apply here!
its my stream of consciousness
and i'll cry if I want to :)
i noticed my father carried guilt burdens
which he shared when I made amends
he does not have a program
he does not have a God
to ask for forgiveness from
unconditionally
and thats sad
I read this about building our soul today by Paolo Coelho
Four Forces issue 203
First Force: Love
Rabbi Iaakov’s wife was always looking for an excuse to argue with her husband. Iaakov never answered her provocations.
Until one night when, during a dinner with some friends, the rabbi had a ferocious argument with his wife to the surprise of all at table.
“What happened?” they asked. “Why did you break your habit of never answering?”
“Because I realized that what bothered my wife most was the fact that I remained silent. Acting in this way, I remained far from her emotions. My reaction was an act of love, and I managed to make her understand that I heard her words."
which has changed my attitude
that restraint of tongue and pen
minding my own business
and live and let live
is not always the loving thing
this does not mean
ranting, telling, ordering, ultimatums, sulking is
what i see today
is that I need to pray for the words
ask God to give me the words
to say to my Dad
to express how I do not want him to die
and early death
that seeing him smoking really upsets me
seeing my mum in the last stages
of lung cancer was a frightening
and the memories of what she physically looked
like I do not think I will ever erase
from my mind
I do not think all this is to be said
agai I am expressing
my stream of consciousness
yet at the same time
As with Rabbi Isaakov
If I stay silent he will not know that
I love him and value him being around
My father said to me
twice in two overseas phone calls
from his intensive care bed
"I love you"
I dont remember
him EVER saying me loves me
I know he does
he just doesnt say it
At the same time
I am accepting that he may continue smoking
no matter what I say
and die very soon
or live for a lot longer
or his arteries could collapse on the plane home
or like my mum
he may pack up smoking and be dead within 6 months!
see am powerless
and accepting
and full of fecking wisdom
sometimes i wonder if
ignorance is really bliss
i'm off to denial
smoking doesnt kill right!?
ok, aside from this
I am enjoying friends
making music
beach
local AA
I started a new group at my church
although
being me
theres a battle going on
inside
which leaves me very lonely
and at times
i really dont want to play anymore
although i accept
more and more
I am so blessed
to be more understanding and compassionate
towards myself
to have some very understanding
humans around me
who overlook my shortcomings
and focus on my strengths
and so when stop in fear
pause
pause longer
I turn towards and continue
keep coming back
saw a rainbow yesterday :)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Just for today.... Restraint of tongue and pen
Just for Today
Pick one and try and practice it
Just for today
I will exercise my soul in three ways.
I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out;
if anybody knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just recently
I have been noticing
that I am leaning on approval seeking
with someone at work
and almost pushing boundaries again
like a child
old behaviour
and seeing what reaction I get
and there is none!
so my cunning plan doesnt work
disease
dis-ease in me schemes
my feelings have been hurt
my ambition
my financial security
my personal relations
have all been threatened
or so my self centred fear tells me
So my focus for the 24 hours or so is
just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
restraint of tongue and pen and email
Think Think Think
before speaking... ask myself
does it need to be said now?
does it need to be said by me?
Is it helpful to the situation?
it all takes practice
and I need to be reminded to practice it :)
Pick one and try and practice it
Just for today
I will exercise my soul in three ways.
I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out;
if anybody knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just recently
I have been noticing
that I am leaning on approval seeking
with someone at work
and almost pushing boundaries again
like a child
old behaviour
and seeing what reaction I get
and there is none!
so my cunning plan doesnt work
disease
dis-ease in me schemes
my feelings have been hurt
my ambition
my financial security
my personal relations
have all been threatened
or so my self centred fear tells me
So my focus for the 24 hours or so is
just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
restraint of tongue and pen and email
Think Think Think
before speaking... ask myself
does it need to be said now?
does it need to be said by me?
Is it helpful to the situation?
it all takes practice
and I need to be reminded to practice it :)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
well I am just holding back feeling sorry for myself
and I realised I have PMT
so I am forgiven!
RAAR!
and i'm NOT going to inflict you
with fake self pity
brought on by hornmones
a freudian slip i am going to leave in! :)
restraint of tonge and groove
not shouting my head off
wanting to cry
I am tired
restless
discontented
oh yeh i wrote a cheque for a
rather large sum
so I am no longer as richer fool as I was
yet my greed is still clinging on I can feel it
I have had workmen in my house
last 2 days
found another fault
and another created itself!?
all fixable another time
but I HAVE HEAT right now... late evening
not just up until mid morning!
Exam yesterday... glad we have resits
essay to finish
work tomorrow
away 2 evenings conference starting tomorrow night!
and I have to dress up
this is where you grin!
this is where i have to show myself
the just for today card in my face!
and REALLY dress becomingly for work
for one evening a year!
I know it will be good fun
but this is the bit I have to force myself
once its on and i'm there
i'll be fine! infact i'll have a "ball"!
experience tells me so
so shaddup head!
or i'll grow my mullet hair back
like the sax player
on here!!
I forgot I had a label for PMT
should use it more
it will probably be very well used!
see ya!
so I am forgiven!
RAAR!
and i'm NOT going to inflict you
with fake self pity
brought on by hornmones
a freudian slip i am going to leave in! :)
restraint of tonge and groove
not shouting my head off
wanting to cry
I am tired
restless
discontented
oh yeh i wrote a cheque for a
rather large sum
so I am no longer as richer fool as I was
yet my greed is still clinging on I can feel it
I have had workmen in my house
last 2 days
found another fault
and another created itself!?
all fixable another time
but I HAVE HEAT right now... late evening
not just up until mid morning!
Exam yesterday... glad we have resits
essay to finish
work tomorrow
away 2 evenings conference starting tomorrow night!
and I have to dress up
this is where you grin!
this is where i have to show myself
the just for today card in my face!
and REALLY dress becomingly for work
for one evening a year!
I know it will be good fun
but this is the bit I have to force myself
once its on and i'm there
i'll be fine! infact i'll have a "ball"!
experience tells me so
so shaddup head!
or i'll grow my mullet hair back
like the sax player
on here!!
I forgot I had a label for PMT
should use it more
it will probably be very well used!
see ya!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Heating somehow fixed itself!?
had to turn it off
was too hot
what the feck!?
Still it made me move
my study stuff ... to the hmm .. study
wi fi didnt work last night
works tonight...
reckon it was in The Plan all along huh
I just hadnt twigged it!
well dad suggested it when I moved in
I didnt and did it my way
which is always best NOT!
ok i'm off another assignment to tackle
two days til i get a 4 day break!?
two days to hand this in
you lot all are so caring :)
thanks all noted
am considering a heater for my kitchen
its the only room avec no heat
we'll see
feeling better today
less hopeless
more hopefull
and made some progress
in some areas mentally
and physically less sick!
reading page 86 twice a day
and page 86 to end of chapter
once a day
and praying through the day
continue
improve
pass it on..
as for distractions
I havent the time or the inclination thesedays
to look at more distractions
handing the existing and old ones over
are enough
I try at all time to remember my primary purpose
In all areas/my affairs
focus focus focus
its often more helpful
to keep it simple
blogging and facebook
are enough distractions when I let them
whilst they serve a very important
role for me to keep in touch
with valuable fellowship
and overseas family
and somewhere to out the STUFF
I need them both at the moment
I need also to live more in the real world
real projects
real people
its in the Plan
my head tells me otherwise
God tells me so
no time for second life
This life is what I am to focus on
heating, light, health and food being primary!
Just for today I will be happy...
Just for today, I will find my just for today card
and read it!
thanks for the reminder
For the record... I am warm and snug
upstairs in the err 4th dimensional study
heat rises
:)
was too hot
what the feck!?
Still it made me move
my study stuff ... to the hmm .. study
wi fi didnt work last night
works tonight...
reckon it was in The Plan all along huh
I just hadnt twigged it!
well dad suggested it when I moved in
I didnt and did it my way
which is always best NOT!
ok i'm off another assignment to tackle
two days til i get a 4 day break!?
two days to hand this in
you lot all are so caring :)
thanks all noted
am considering a heater for my kitchen
its the only room avec no heat
we'll see
feeling better today
less hopeless
more hopefull
and made some progress
in some areas mentally
and physically less sick!
reading page 86 twice a day
and page 86 to end of chapter
once a day
and praying through the day
continue
improve
pass it on..
as for distractions
I havent the time or the inclination thesedays
to look at more distractions
handing the existing and old ones over
are enough
I try at all time to remember my primary purpose
In all areas/my affairs
focus focus focus
its often more helpful
to keep it simple
blogging and facebook
are enough distractions when I let them
whilst they serve a very important
role for me to keep in touch
with valuable fellowship
and overseas family
and somewhere to out the STUFF
I need them both at the moment
I need also to live more in the real world
real projects
real people
its in the Plan
my head tells me otherwise
God tells me so
no time for second life
This life is what I am to focus on
heating, light, health and food being primary!
Just for today I will be happy...
Just for today, I will find my just for today card
and read it!
thanks for the reminder
For the record... I am warm and snug
upstairs in the err 4th dimensional study
heat rises
:)
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
A look at the alcoholic in your organization is many times illuminating. Is he not usually brilliant, fast-thinking, imaginative and likable? p139
A look at the alcoholic in your organization is many times illuminating. Is he not usually brilliant, fast-thinking, imaginative and likable? When sober, does he not work hard and have a knack of getting things done? P139 P140
I am sure the reading one night
P417-P418 Big Book 4th edition
And acceptance is the answer...
absolutely was a turning point.. my admission
of powerlessness and unmanageabilityP59
at the beginning was the start of my recovery
is still a key tool in my daily living today
I have accepted
a) I am "at risk" of redundancy
b) That I am actually useful and effective in the workplace P139/140
c) Many people agree & like me P139/140 I am a text book case!
d) I have a better than average chance of staying
e) I am to continue to do what I do until I know
f) Our business has taken its own inventory P64 its not personal
g) Its about me being pro active not reactive
h) There is no place for loafers in a credit crunch
i) I have to be selfish
h) I must also be selfless
j) They used the words
"for some this will be a turning point"P59
in the bad news speak "especially for me" haha
h) praying works
i) restraint of tongue and pen is essential (12x12)
f) honesty is essential P13
g) willingness P13 & flexibility is essential
h) openmindedness is essential (Faith) P13
i) I am now properly armed with the facts about myselfP18 (in the workplace)
and my evidence if valuable assets/skills
which I HAVE learned/gained/worked for
over the last 25 years, though previously brought
any "success" crashing down P123 on top of me whilst drinking
unable to manage maintaining and growing any position
j) I could keep quiet and not blog til its over just incase
I get ousted and then I wouldnt have to tell you I could just
say I was let go, BUT I cant! its slothful
so i will try to show you
how it works in my life whichever way it goes..., and at the same
time evidence to myself (and you)
that it is a design for living
even in rough going P15
h) I went into shock Monday, mixed with all of the above
i) my body is reacting though my mind and spirit are strong
j) 6-10pm Monday night phone service
followed by no sleep, so I went to the
6am big book meeting (It was up to page 8 Bills Story
you know where it talks of disater in the finacial areas
and people jumping from skyscrapers...
there are no coincidences!!
followed immediately
by the 7.30am city meeting Tuesday morning
and was at work by 8.40am...
yes I slept really well Tuesday night!
k) I have to be gentle with myself H.A.L.T.
though keep on at the same time
awareness of physical needs are essential
l) I have been praying for his Words not mine
and His Will and the Power to carry it out
m) Its my responsibility to pick up the tools and use them
n) Working with others (suffering/floundering with the news)
is essential (it helps me!)
o) God provides me with all the answers I need in his time
p) I have quit the debating society infact I didnt join (12x12)
q) Praying for people works P67
r) AA meetings are a huge rock and a cuddly oak tree P152
s) 2.5 hours yoga was exactly what I needed tonight
t) I am negotiating a sale and a purchase and will be
moving to the seaside in the next 6 weeks P164
u) My job will change in the next 4 weeks P164
w) I am starting Uni 3 evening a week in 4 weeks P164
x) I am pre-mentual for a bit longer
y) I have not wanted to drink or die
z) God doesnt give me more than I can handle EVER
Our Big Book rocks doesnt it!!
I forgot there was a word verification thing on my comments
its now off!
and I am still amazed that a brief conversation with my
sponsor about by frustration at work
resulted in me praying lots sunday evening
I didnt know about Monday then... not being a psychic yet!
things could have been very different
I had not made that call to her
or those prayers!
and NOT restrained my tongue!
until God had given me the go ahead when he was ready
Why dont i talk to her more often? I still ask myself
because the tools work on everything
She does not know everything and she doesnt have power
pride and arrogance at times cause me to delay
Self will
Oh well... its a complete turnaround
from how it used to be
no longer over reliant and needy :)
And the government increased the stamp duty threshold today! hoorah
right i'm off to bed
I am sure the reading one night
P417-P418 Big Book 4th edition
And acceptance is the answer...
absolutely was a turning point.. my admission
of powerlessness and unmanageabilityP59
at the beginning was the start of my recovery
is still a key tool in my daily living today
I have accepted
a) I am "at risk" of redundancy
b) That I am actually useful and effective in the workplace P139/140
c) Many people agree & like me P139/140 I am a text book case!
d) I have a better than average chance of staying
e) I am to continue to do what I do until I know
f) Our business has taken its own inventory P64 its not personal
g) Its about me being pro active not reactive
h) There is no place for loafers in a credit crunch
i) I have to be selfish
h) I must also be selfless
j) They used the words
"for some this will be a turning point"P59
in the bad news speak "especially for me" haha
h) praying works
i) restraint of tongue and pen is essential (12x12)
f) honesty is essential P13
g) willingness P13 & flexibility is essential
h) openmindedness is essential (Faith) P13
i) I am now properly armed with the facts about myselfP18 (in the workplace)
and my evidence if valuable assets/skills
which I HAVE learned/gained/worked for
over the last 25 years, though previously brought
any "success" crashing down P123 on top of me whilst drinking
unable to manage maintaining and growing any position
j) I could keep quiet and not blog til its over just incase
I get ousted and then I wouldnt have to tell you I could just
say I was let go, BUT I cant! its slothful
so i will try to show you
how it works in my life whichever way it goes..., and at the same
time evidence to myself (and you)
that it is a design for living
even in rough going P15
h) I went into shock Monday, mixed with all of the above
i) my body is reacting though my mind and spirit are strong
j) 6-10pm Monday night phone service
followed by no sleep, so I went to the
6am big book meeting (It was up to page 8 Bills Story
you know where it talks of disater in the finacial areas
and people jumping from skyscrapers...
there are no coincidences!!
followed immediately
by the 7.30am city meeting Tuesday morning
and was at work by 8.40am...
yes I slept really well Tuesday night!
k) I have to be gentle with myself H.A.L.T.
though keep on at the same time
awareness of physical needs are essential
l) I have been praying for his Words not mine
and His Will and the Power to carry it out
m) Its my responsibility to pick up the tools and use them
n) Working with others (suffering/floundering with the news)
is essential (it helps me!)
o) God provides me with all the answers I need in his time
p) I have quit the debating society infact I didnt join (12x12)
q) Praying for people works P67
r) AA meetings are a huge rock and a cuddly oak tree P152
s) 2.5 hours yoga was exactly what I needed tonight
t) I am negotiating a sale and a purchase and will be
moving to the seaside in the next 6 weeks P164
u) My job will change in the next 4 weeks P164
w) I am starting Uni 3 evening a week in 4 weeks P164
x) I am pre-mentual for a bit longer
y) I have not wanted to drink or die
z) God doesnt give me more than I can handle EVER
Our Big Book rocks doesnt it!!
I forgot there was a word verification thing on my comments
its now off!
and I am still amazed that a brief conversation with my
sponsor about by frustration at work
resulted in me praying lots sunday evening
I didnt know about Monday then... not being a psychic yet!
things could have been very different
I had not made that call to her
or those prayers!
and NOT restrained my tongue!
until God had given me the go ahead when he was ready
Why dont i talk to her more often? I still ask myself
because the tools work on everything
She does not know everything and she doesnt have power
pride and arrogance at times cause me to delay
Self will
Oh well... its a complete turnaround
from how it used to be
no longer over reliant and needy :)
And the government increased the stamp duty threshold today! hoorah
right i'm off to bed
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
It works - It really does - I am not suprised!!!
Keep it simple
I feel better
I took inventory yet again (mine)
I prayed like my life and peace of mind depends on it (cos it does)
I bathed
put on clean clothes
ate breakfast
went to work
prayed at work (on knees) yes its is possible (for me essential, see below)
did what I was paid to do FIRST
did what I had been asked to do (some extra's voluntarily)
ate lunch
prayed during the day
prayed for people
prayed for fear to be removed
prayed for restraint of tongue and email
No self seeking
Much restraint
No drama
No wearing heart on sleeve
No expecting to be understood
No sulking either
Just for today
I will be agreeable.
I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly,
keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit.
I won't find fault with anything,
nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
result
I FELT LIGHTER, Brighter
study tonight
all going ok
hard, processing, everything
asking for help in the right places
Trust the process (Faith)
Keep on keeping on
Action if the magic word (Works)
Faith without Works is dead!
I'm off for another heart to heart with God
ps praying on knees
does a few things for me
a) It makes me stop what I am doing
b) It makes me concentrate
c) it makes me listen to what I am saying
d) It changes the words into a real prayer
e) It makes my chat become genuine
f) humbly
g) It tells me I am serious about what i am saying
This is just one of the ways
required for me at the moment
I do pray all over the place
standing up, on my head
in the queue at supermarket
outloud, in silence
eyes shut, eyes open
naked, clothed
in bed, by the bed
in the kitchen, on the bus
There is no right way
Pray as you can, not as you cant!
You must have heard that one before
All prayers are heard
ITS TRUE
I feel better
I took inventory yet again (mine)
I prayed like my life and peace of mind depends on it (cos it does)
I bathed
put on clean clothes
ate breakfast
went to work
prayed at work (on knees) yes its is possible (for me essential, see below)
did what I was paid to do FIRST
did what I had been asked to do (some extra's voluntarily)
ate lunch
prayed during the day
prayed for people
prayed for fear to be removed
prayed for restraint of tongue and email
No self seeking
Much restraint
No drama
No wearing heart on sleeve
No expecting to be understood
No sulking either
Just for today
I will be agreeable.
I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly,
keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit.
I won't find fault with anything,
nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
result
I FELT LIGHTER, Brighter
study tonight
all going ok
hard, processing, everything
asking for help in the right places
Trust the process (Faith)
Keep on keeping on
Action if the magic word (Works)
Faith without Works is dead!
I'm off for another heart to heart with God
ps praying on knees
does a few things for me
a) It makes me stop what I am doing
b) It makes me concentrate
c) it makes me listen to what I am saying
d) It changes the words into a real prayer
e) It makes my chat become genuine
f) humbly
g) It tells me I am serious about what i am saying
This is just one of the ways
required for me at the moment
I do pray all over the place
standing up, on my head
in the queue at supermarket
outloud, in silence
eyes shut, eyes open
naked, clothed
in bed, by the bed
in the kitchen, on the bus
There is no right way
Pray as you can, not as you cant!
You must have heard that one before
All prayers are heard
ITS TRUE
Sunday, November 04, 2007
How it is today ?
I am ready to find a 2nd home group
I need a 2nd one
I have been putting one particular one out of my mind
a) because I need to study
b) because my sponsor goes
c) because someone I like is free on that day
I have to be willing to let go absolutely in everything
a) I am unable to study on this evening (too tired)
b) its a good meeting, carries the message and offers
fellowship, its not suprising my sponsor goes there.
does that mean I cant too? perhaps I need to find a meeting
and try and carry the message there?
no why do I have to reinvent the wheel? I do not have to crusade
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.P77
this could be turning up to an already good meeting
and carrying my expreience strength and hope
in unity, same message, different messenger
I am there for the same reason she is
to carry the message to the alcoholic who still stuffers
c) Let it Go, its funny how I can put a halt on everything JUSTINCASE
someone I like is free on this day... First things First,
my spiritual fitness must come first
When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physicallyp64
I dont feel in the middle of the AA bed
When am not in the middle of the AA bed
I feel disconnected
Got one foot hanging out
unmanageable
the simplest things become mountains
I went to AA region meeting today in GSR role
I felt part of
I found out about more service at Intergroup and region level
and its interesting to me
and its what longer time sober people who have what I want seem to do
(get off there ass's and get involved, take an active interest
in this thing thats saved their lives)
Sponsees are one thing I must do
I also need to maintain my own peace of mind
by doing what feels comfortable to me aswell
Sponsoring is essential to my recovery
nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.P90
I dont enjoy it, infact at the moment
i find it painful watching self will running riot in others
knowing there isnt a damn thing I can do about it
i too am self willed and want to fix it or make it go away
Just for today
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
Sponsoring is one of them (at the moment)
standing by passing it on and letting go
Intergroup and Region is optional
and I find things in there that interest me
and I can volunteer for if i want to
no-one will tell me mmm well you wont stay sober
if you dont do region work! or your not working your programme
if you dont do region level...
So for me its important that I am fitting with our 3 legacies
Am in a changing period in the SERVICE part of our triangle
For my own RECOVERY I need another home group to commit to
For the UNITY I can choose how to carry the message
as long as I carry it with you in line with AA guidelines
It is up to me if I choose to get involved in the links outside of group level
to help carry the message of recovery to the still suffering
who hasnt made it in AA yet
BUT and its a big BUT! I give freely
(thats without resentment or arrogance or self pity)
or dont do it atall!
Oh well thats just how it is today
In a period of change
Change is essential
Change is happening all the time
I either embrace it or fight it
either way I cant stop it!
okay, thats enough of seeing whats going on inside my head today
Nothing am worried about
just using my blog today to process some things
get honest and see what it looks like in the
warm light off the page
Catch you later I need to eat and head off down the gym!
I need a 2nd one
I have been putting one particular one out of my mind
a) because I need to study
b) because my sponsor goes
c) because someone I like is free on that day
I have to be willing to let go absolutely in everything
a) I am unable to study on this evening (too tired)
b) its a good meeting, carries the message and offers
fellowship, its not suprising my sponsor goes there.
does that mean I cant too? perhaps I need to find a meeting
and try and carry the message there?
no why do I have to reinvent the wheel? I do not have to crusade
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.P77
this could be turning up to an already good meeting
and carrying my expreience strength and hope
in unity, same message, different messenger
I am there for the same reason she is
to carry the message to the alcoholic who still stuffers
c) Let it Go, its funny how I can put a halt on everything JUSTINCASE
someone I like is free on this day... First things First,
my spiritual fitness must come first
When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physicallyp64
I dont feel in the middle of the AA bed
When am not in the middle of the AA bed
I feel disconnected
Got one foot hanging out
unmanageable
the simplest things become mountains
I went to AA region meeting today in GSR role
I felt part of
I found out about more service at Intergroup and region level
and its interesting to me
and its what longer time sober people who have what I want seem to do
(get off there ass's and get involved, take an active interest
in this thing thats saved their lives)
Sponsees are one thing I must do
I also need to maintain my own peace of mind
by doing what feels comfortable to me aswell
Sponsoring is essential to my recovery
nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.P90
I dont enjoy it, infact at the moment
i find it painful watching self will running riot in others
knowing there isnt a damn thing I can do about it
i too am self willed and want to fix it or make it go away
Just for today
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
Sponsoring is one of them (at the moment)
standing by passing it on and letting go
Intergroup and Region is optional
and I find things in there that interest me
and I can volunteer for if i want to
no-one will tell me mmm well you wont stay sober
if you dont do region work! or your not working your programme
if you dont do region level...
So for me its important that I am fitting with our 3 legacies
Am in a changing period in the SERVICE part of our triangle
For my own RECOVERY I need another home group to commit to
For the UNITY I can choose how to carry the message
as long as I carry it with you in line with AA guidelines
It is up to me if I choose to get involved in the links outside of group level
to help carry the message of recovery to the still suffering
who hasnt made it in AA yet
BUT and its a big BUT! I give freely
(thats without resentment or arrogance or self pity)
or dont do it atall!
Oh well thats just how it is today
In a period of change
Change is essential
Change is happening all the time
I either embrace it or fight it
either way I cant stop it!
okay, thats enough of seeing whats going on inside my head today
Nothing am worried about
just using my blog today to process some things
get honest and see what it looks like in the
warm light off the page
Catch you later I need to eat and head off down the gym!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
another Paulo Coehlo
Melbourne, Australia
I step out on to the stage with the usual apprehension. A local writer, introduces me and starts asking me questions. Before I can conclude my reasoning, he interrupts me and asks another question. When I answer, he says something like “that answer wasn’t very clear.” Five minutes later, I feel a certain restlessness in the audience. I remember Confucius, and do the only thing possible:
“Do you like what I write?” I ask.
“That doesn’t matter,” he answers. “I’m doing the interviewing, not you.”
“But it does matter. You don’t let me finish a sentence. Confucius said: ‘whenever possible, be clear.’ Let’s follow that advice and make things quite clear: do you like what I write?”
“No, I don’t. I have read only two books, and I hated them.”
“OK, so now we can continue.”
The camps were now defined. The audience relaxes, the environment fills with electricity, the interview turns into a true debate, and everyone – including the writer – is satisfied with the result.
Just for today
I will be agreeable.
I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly,
keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit.
I won't find fault with anything,
nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
I step out on to the stage with the usual apprehension. A local writer, introduces me and starts asking me questions. Before I can conclude my reasoning, he interrupts me and asks another question. When I answer, he says something like “that answer wasn’t very clear.” Five minutes later, I feel a certain restlessness in the audience. I remember Confucius, and do the only thing possible:
“Do you like what I write?” I ask.
“That doesn’t matter,” he answers. “I’m doing the interviewing, not you.”
“But it does matter. You don’t let me finish a sentence. Confucius said: ‘whenever possible, be clear.’ Let’s follow that advice and make things quite clear: do you like what I write?”
“No, I don’t. I have read only two books, and I hated them.”
“OK, so now we can continue.”
The camps were now defined. The audience relaxes, the environment fills with electricity, the interview turns into a true debate, and everyone – including the writer – is satisfied with the result.
Just for today
I will be agreeable.
I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly,
keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit.
I won't find fault with anything,
nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
Paolo & Just for today
Hakone, Japan
I finally manage to get my editor, Masao Masuda, to invite me to a traditional tea ceremony. We go to a mountain near Hakone, enter a small room, and his sister, dressed in the ritual kimono, serves us tea.
That is all. However, everything is done with such seriousness and protocol that a daily practice is changed into a moment of communion with the Universe.
The tea master, Okakusa Kasuko, explains what happens: “The ceremony is the adoration of the beautiful. All efforts are concentrated on the endeavor to attain Perfection through the imperfect gestures of daily life. All its beauty consists of respecting the simple things we do, because they can lead us to God.”
Just for today
I will be unafraid.
Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy
what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world,
so the world will give to me.
I finally manage to get my editor, Masao Masuda, to invite me to a traditional tea ceremony. We go to a mountain near Hakone, enter a small room, and his sister, dressed in the ritual kimono, serves us tea.
That is all. However, everything is done with such seriousness and protocol that a daily practice is changed into a moment of communion with the Universe.
The tea master, Okakusa Kasuko, explains what happens: “The ceremony is the adoration of the beautiful. All efforts are concentrated on the endeavor to attain Perfection through the imperfect gestures of daily life. All its beauty consists of respecting the simple things we do, because they can lead us to God.”
Just for today
I will be unafraid.
Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy
what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world,
so the world will give to me.
Paolo Coehlo - inspires me, I love so much of this mans writing and what he shares of others
Paolo Coehlo has been a conistently
inspirational writer for me
for a few years now
His simplicity and gentleness
is exactly what I need
his writing gives my heart that glow
I identify and love reading
his Works
God gave us Paulo Coelho
So I thought I would share some more
of his Warrior of Light Blog
and how I see it fits
with the Just for Today card
and the Big Book
If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. p87
Again This is Edition no 157
Fragments of a non-existing diary
Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro
Strolling along the promenade, I hear a young woman saying to another in a very convincing voice: “I’ve programmed my life in the following way ...”
That made me wonder: does she take into account things that happen just when we are not expecting them? Has she considered that maybe God has a different plan, a far more interesting one? Has she thought seriously about the hypothesis that, by including other people in her program, she might be interfering in different ideas and projects?
I am not sure whether the sentence I overheard was born of inexperience or total delirium.
Just for today
I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.
I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.
Notes to self
I dont know whats good for me
I dont know whats best for me
Am I sure I know ? no
Am I sure I dont know ? no
My best thinking got me in here
God obviously wants the best for me
Trust God
Have faith
Blind faith
Why do you need to know whats gonna happen?
Why do you neeed to know?
Let it unfold
The joy in not knowing
I dont like suprises
I would like to like suprises
Do I trust you? 100%?
let go, let God
Analysis paralysis
Some of us have tried to hold onto our old ideas...
Rigidness, does not allow the sunlight in
Open up the dirty window
Lighten up
Dance like there is no one watching
Stop predicting
Stop mind reading
Stop crystal ball gazing
Stop thinking and just do it
Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous
Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way.p60
First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn´t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.p62
We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer
running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.P87
We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. P133
inspirational writer for me
for a few years now
His simplicity and gentleness
is exactly what I need
his writing gives my heart that glow
I identify and love reading
his Works
God gave us Paulo Coelho
So I thought I would share some more
of his Warrior of Light Blog
and how I see it fits
with the Just for Today card
and the Big Book
If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. p87
Again This is Edition no 157
Fragments of a non-existing diary
Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro
Strolling along the promenade, I hear a young woman saying to another in a very convincing voice: “I’ve programmed my life in the following way ...”
That made me wonder: does she take into account things that happen just when we are not expecting them? Has she considered that maybe God has a different plan, a far more interesting one? Has she thought seriously about the hypothesis that, by including other people in her program, she might be interfering in different ideas and projects?
I am not sure whether the sentence I overheard was born of inexperience or total delirium.
Just for today
I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.
I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.
Notes to self
I dont know whats good for me
I dont know whats best for me
Am I sure I know ? no
Am I sure I dont know ? no
My best thinking got me in here
God obviously wants the best for me
Trust God
Have faith
Blind faith
Why do you need to know whats gonna happen?
Why do you neeed to know?
Let it unfold
The joy in not knowing
I dont like suprises
I would like to like suprises
Do I trust you? 100%?
let go, let God
Analysis paralysis
Some of us have tried to hold onto our old ideas...
Rigidness, does not allow the sunlight in
Open up the dirty window
Lighten up
Dance like there is no one watching
Stop predicting
Stop mind reading
Stop crystal ball gazing
Stop thinking and just do it
Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous
Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way.p60
First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn´t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.p62
We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer
running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.P87
We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. P133
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Just for today Card
Just for today
I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle all my problems at once.
I can do something for twelve hours that would
appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today
I will be happy.
This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said,
that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Just for today
I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.
I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.
Just for today
I will try to strengthen my mind.
I will study. I will learn something useful.
I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something
that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today
I will exercise my soul in three ways.
I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out;
if anybody knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just for today
I will be agreeable.
I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly,
keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit.
I won't find fault with anything,
nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
Just for today
I will have a program.
I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it.
I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today
I will have a quiet half hour all by
myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime,
I will try to get a better perspective of my life.
Just for today
I will be unafraid.
Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy
what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world,
so the world will give to me.
I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle all my problems at once.
I can do something for twelve hours that would
appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today
I will be happy.
This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said,
that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Just for today
I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.
I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.
Just for today
I will try to strengthen my mind.
I will study. I will learn something useful.
I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something
that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today
I will exercise my soul in three ways.
I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out;
if anybody knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just for today
I will be agreeable.
I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly,
keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit.
I won't find fault with anything,
nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
Just for today
I will have a program.
I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it.
I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today
I will have a quiet half hour all by
myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime,
I will try to get a better perspective of my life.
Just for today
I will be unafraid.
Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy
what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world,
so the world will give to me.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Cinch by the Inch
yestrday I had so many AA hours and extra seconds
Today I forgot I was doing Phone service tonight
so I "lost" and evening (self pity didnt last)
See i dont listen to this stuff nowadays
I knew it would all be ok
It judt wouldnt happen the way I thought
Thats all
I havent lost anything
I spoke with 3 other AA's within 2 hours
all embarking on a course
all getting out of their comfort zones
all "encouraging" each other
nothing but mutual admiration for
what we are trying to acheive
and amazement that it actually is possible
We had a quiet time
So I started a draft of my application
less to do tomorrow evening
Today I made some calls to two people
I would like to ask as referees
One said yes
the other I will speak with tomorrow
See life ie TODAY goes on
I do not project
I keep my head in the here and now
cos thats where my body is
All of me must be as One
Not disconnected
some in the past some in the present and some in next month
All here in the present NOW
There is no fear in the present
when I am doing the right things
If I have been coasting, or winging it
the present becomes a backpeddle
or a slippery slope
neither of which I like
So I just dont do it
I have learnt what I dont like
and what I do (on some things)
by trying and being aware
Yeh if I get on this course
Life will change
Not all of it
Sone weekly commitments
some monthly commitments
but you know it will be ok
my primary purpose will not be affected
no ONE meeting keeps me sober
I can change home group
I can change my telephone service
Change is ok
My primary purpose is not affected
I still get up and aim to be of maximum helpfulness
in all areas of my life
the day to day situations may just change a little
and change is good
things do need refreshing after a while
comfortable is not always good for growth
I have still alot more growing to do
and I welcome it
See none of this is a problem
It is all an adventure
Nothing needs to change
until I get the YES yor on the course
and even then I can change my mind
Do tomorrow tomorrow
I HATE writing personal statements
is just another way of saying
I an AFRAID of what they will think of me
cos I have nothing to offer... Untrue
I HATE tests
is just another way of saying
I am afraid of failure... self will run riot
I dont know what the test is
and I am assuming (i know better than god)
that i will not be able to do it... untrue
the truth is I have no idea whats gonna happen
I havent said I HATE for ages
its funny its come up
had to Step 10 it
I wondered why "I HATE" came out of my mouth
Its just cos am out of my comfort zone
SELF WILLED control freak out of control
letting go Letting God
Putting in the action, letting go of the outcome
AFRAID of failure and hurt PRIDE
and i automatically
revert in someway back
into that needy victim
child like
that needs some one to say
dont worry it will be ok ...
See Step 10's show me loads
I was once a needy victim
Now I am a strong woman with direction and purpose
gentle and open
Miracles happen in AA
and continue to happen
I love it
I love God
Today I forgot I was doing Phone service tonight
so I "lost" and evening (self pity didnt last)
See i dont listen to this stuff nowadays
I knew it would all be ok
It judt wouldnt happen the way I thought
Thats all
I havent lost anything
I spoke with 3 other AA's within 2 hours
all embarking on a course
all getting out of their comfort zones
all "encouraging" each other
nothing but mutual admiration for
what we are trying to acheive
and amazement that it actually is possible
We had a quiet time
So I started a draft of my application
less to do tomorrow evening
Today I made some calls to two people
I would like to ask as referees
One said yes
the other I will speak with tomorrow
See life ie TODAY goes on
I do not project
I keep my head in the here and now
cos thats where my body is
All of me must be as One
Not disconnected
some in the past some in the present and some in next month
All here in the present NOW
There is no fear in the present
when I am doing the right things
If I have been coasting, or winging it
the present becomes a backpeddle
or a slippery slope
neither of which I like
So I just dont do it
I have learnt what I dont like
and what I do (on some things)
by trying and being aware
Yeh if I get on this course
Life will change
Not all of it
Sone weekly commitments
some monthly commitments
but you know it will be ok
my primary purpose will not be affected
no ONE meeting keeps me sober
I can change home group
I can change my telephone service
Change is ok
My primary purpose is not affected
I still get up and aim to be of maximum helpfulness
in all areas of my life
the day to day situations may just change a little
and change is good
things do need refreshing after a while
comfortable is not always good for growth
I have still alot more growing to do
and I welcome it
See none of this is a problem
It is all an adventure
Nothing needs to change
until I get the YES yor on the course
and even then I can change my mind
Do tomorrow tomorrow
I HATE writing personal statements
is just another way of saying
I an AFRAID of what they will think of me
cos I have nothing to offer... Untrue
I HATE tests
is just another way of saying
I am afraid of failure... self will run riot
I dont know what the test is
and I am assuming (i know better than god)
that i will not be able to do it... untrue
the truth is I have no idea whats gonna happen
I havent said I HATE for ages
its funny its come up
had to Step 10 it
I wondered why "I HATE" came out of my mouth
Its just cos am out of my comfort zone
SELF WILLED control freak out of control
letting go Letting God
Putting in the action, letting go of the outcome
AFRAID of failure and hurt PRIDE
and i automatically
revert in someway back
into that needy victim
child like
that needs some one to say
dont worry it will be ok ...
See Step 10's show me loads
I was once a needy victim
Now I am a strong woman with direction and purpose
gentle and open
Miracles happen in AA
and continue to happen
I love it
I love God
Monday, August 06, 2007
Pre mental Tension - Caught me unawares!!
I am not going to apologise for the
content of this post, its all about me
and myself and how I am physically
Am completely Powerless over when....
1 week early!?
no am not worried
I diarise, I prepare, get "fit" in all areas
watch for the symptoms
This one completely came from no where
A curve ball
So Friday evenings behaviour is not so random now
its bleedin obvious
(sorry no pun intended it just happened)
One day a month
I am better of selotaping my mouth shut
where possible staying away staying in bed
as this is not possible
and I choose no longer to duvet dive
and bunk off work
as I am not ill (hmmm)
I have to excersize extreme restraint of tongue
pen and email and blo...
i was gonna add blog, but then why do i need to
I blog for me
Its my thinking, my processing, my tool
where my thinking was going, didnt concern me Friday
I knew I would take inventory pretty quick
and get to the root and deal with it
(and I did Saturday Morning,
and promptly admitted my wrong)
My thinking interested me more than anything
How the mood changed
Anger, resentment, sulking
Why it had got like that
Now its obvious
Though you know
because I now know to stay honest
because I now do not destroy the innocent
because I do show my "ugly" true self
at people who are strong enough, strong AA and God
There arent many who take my inventory
But I am grateful for it
Even if I dont like it immediately
Its what I need
funnily my sponsee almost did the other day
PMT doesnt change anything
I said about myself on Friday
I had reverted to a control freak
and I didnt know what to do
Its true I am new at sponsoring
I am not new at working with newcomers
They are both different
I was trying to control this "cat"
Trying to make it go may way
Cos my way was "the only" way
It was subtle, but there even so
Cunning
I do trust my intuition
I do trust Prayer
I do trust God
I do trust my own experience
I do trust the experience of others
I do not do everything I am told
I do take suggestions
I do try things
Not always immediately
Nothing goes to waste
If its not relevant today
It maybe tomorrow or next year
Shove it in the library
Am grateful for Sponsors and everyone elses
suggestions and especially grateful
to anyone who take my inventory
it must be needed
whether I choose to take notice
is my business
Its a reminder
that no one has all the answers
its like a jigsaw
between us we get there
Spent a couple of hours yesterday
in prayer and inventory
It so helps me get clarity on everything
So did tradition 6... but thats another post
God always seems to have a way of sorting things out
when I let him,
I did what was suggested.... nothing else
And once again God did for me what I couldnt
do for myself
Sponsee told me she wasnt willing
to put recovery first at the mo and would call
me when she is...
There are no coincidences
Ok am off now
Another conversation with God
Thank you for all your Birthday Wishes
I had the most awesome 36hours
Loads of posts and pictures
just stuff that came up
things that interest me
like a Ninja Duck in St James Park
I took a video of this Duck going to anylengths...
serious dudes!! I dunno how to post a video
will take a year for me to download it off the camera
To finish off where I started
(oh God theres another one!?)
dressed very becomingly for
Ronnie Scotts
heels and yeh ok a dress aswell (shhh)
I hate to admit it... very classy bird i was...
Excellent Original Blues Brothers band
"From off the original movie!!" its true
I am so damn lucky
how come I had been home only a few hours after a long day
and night, I got in a 3am ish and had only been
home a few hours when it happened ?
If it happened a few hours earlier
It would have been well messy
There really are no coincidence
God looks after mee in so many ways
Baa
content of this post, its all about me
and myself and how I am physically
Am completely Powerless over when....
1 week early!?
no am not worried
I diarise, I prepare, get "fit" in all areas
watch for the symptoms
This one completely came from no where
A curve ball
So Friday evenings behaviour is not so random now
its bleedin obvious
(sorry no pun intended it just happened)
One day a month
I am better of selotaping my mouth shut
where possible staying away staying in bed
as this is not possible
and I choose no longer to duvet dive
and bunk off work
as I am not ill (hmmm)
I have to excersize extreme restraint of tongue
pen and email and blo...
i was gonna add blog, but then why do i need to
I blog for me
Its my thinking, my processing, my tool
where my thinking was going, didnt concern me Friday
I knew I would take inventory pretty quick
and get to the root and deal with it
(and I did Saturday Morning,
and promptly admitted my wrong)
My thinking interested me more than anything
How the mood changed
Anger, resentment, sulking
Why it had got like that
Now its obvious
Though you know
because I now know to stay honest
because I now do not destroy the innocent
because I do show my "ugly" true self
at people who are strong enough, strong AA and God
There arent many who take my inventory
But I am grateful for it
Even if I dont like it immediately
Its what I need
funnily my sponsee almost did the other day
PMT doesnt change anything
I said about myself on Friday
I had reverted to a control freak
and I didnt know what to do
Its true I am new at sponsoring
I am not new at working with newcomers
They are both different
I was trying to control this "cat"
Trying to make it go may way
Cos my way was "the only" way
It was subtle, but there even so
Cunning
I do trust my intuition
I do trust Prayer
I do trust God
I do trust my own experience
I do trust the experience of others
I do not do everything I am told
I do take suggestions
I do try things
Not always immediately
Nothing goes to waste
If its not relevant today
It maybe tomorrow or next year
Shove it in the library
Am grateful for Sponsors and everyone elses
suggestions and especially grateful
to anyone who take my inventory
it must be needed
whether I choose to take notice
is my business
Its a reminder
that no one has all the answers
its like a jigsaw
between us we get there
Spent a couple of hours yesterday
in prayer and inventory
It so helps me get clarity on everything
So did tradition 6... but thats another post
God always seems to have a way of sorting things out
when I let him,
I did what was suggested.... nothing else
And once again God did for me what I couldnt
do for myself
Sponsee told me she wasnt willing
to put recovery first at the mo and would call
me when she is...
There are no coincidences
Ok am off now
Another conversation with God
Thank you for all your Birthday Wishes
I had the most awesome 36hours
Loads of posts and pictures
just stuff that came up
things that interest me
like a Ninja Duck in St James Park
I took a video of this Duck going to anylengths...
serious dudes!! I dunno how to post a video
will take a year for me to download it off the camera
To finish off where I started
(oh God theres another one!?)
dressed very becomingly for
Ronnie Scotts
heels and yeh ok a dress aswell (shhh)
I hate to admit it... very classy bird i was...
Excellent Original Blues Brothers band
"From off the original movie!!" its true
I am so damn lucky
how come I had been home only a few hours after a long day
and night, I got in a 3am ish and had only been
home a few hours when it happened ?
If it happened a few hours earlier
It would have been well messy
There really are no coincidence
God looks after mee in so many ways
Baa
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Everybody's normal until you get to know them
We are not saints. P60
Its true
Everyone has issues, flaws, problems, difficulties
Some just live live with them
Some get help to overcome them
Some of them are destructive to other
Some are destructive to self
Some are a problem/difficulty for you and not to me
Some are a problem/difficulty for me and not for you
Having just caught the end of a TV programme, where
a woman just killed herself cos when she was found
out for mental and physical cruelty to her future step
son. Again, its mental illness, no one listened,
no one knew what she went through, so she just
believed what she was doing was ok, and so the cycle of abuse
contiunues... until someone says no and stands by it
To find out that anything I have done for a long period of time
is actually not helping me, and or the people around my
is not something that pleases me, however nowadays I welcome
the truth, its a chance to change for the better.
As in a previous post, I do not understrand the mind of a
child abuser, because I am not one, nor a psychopath!!
and I am grateful for that.
But I do understand a little of the closed mindedness that leads
to destructive behaviour. If we dont want to change we will not.
Even if its illegal or destructive, at the point of finding
out what we do is detructive, is the point where we have to make a
choice, either
SURRENDER and Go to any lengths to recover
or
Go on to the bitter end, thinking only of our very selfish selfs
and not changing, in fact in many cases worsening.
The Big Book talks about this choice P24/P25
One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.
Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. P58
This is Self will, arrogance...closed minded, unteacheable
The fact that my life was so unmanageable and not getting any better
was as the result of my drinking and my refusal to accept any help for anything.
Its true, I didnt really make any SERIOUS attempts to change
because I arrogantly (closed mindedly) thought i was ? ok, well as ok as I could be, you know, i was like how I was cos of my ? childhood. I didnt know that there was any other way, I didnt know I didnt have to be "ucked up and I didnt know anyone who had been abused and seemed to live a normal life. I mean who talks about child abuse outside of self help groups, samaritans and Kilroy, and Oprah ?? you dont get many well people talking about how they overcome it and live a normal life...do you ?
Yes I found both in AA
I found women who had abuse similar to mine
an they had overcome their difficulties
they did not shut the door on it
they had archived it approriately
dealt and dealing with it
and brought it out to show me and evidence
AA works on anything
I got hope and willingness to accept Spriritual help
just maybe this could work for me
Step1, Child abuse affects my life
Step2, Yes I came to believe the steps, and AA
could "just maybe" restore me to some sanity
or at least make it a little better" on this area
of my life
Step3, Leave it in Gods hands and Gods Time
Just for today I will not tackle all my life problems
Just do today, today
Step4, All the resentments, fears, the truth (as I saw it)
Step5, We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle P66
Step6, Yes am very ready to let go of my old ideas, try and not alow the old ideas and thinking hold me back...well at least try, let Go
Have some compassion for that little girl I was, If a little girl
came up and told me what had happened to her, would I be as hard on her
as I had been to myslef all these years? No.
Well then, have some compassion. DO IT.
This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick P66
Pray for the B**t*rds!!
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." P67
Step7, God could and would help me to overcome this stuff
So I asked him, in prayer, to take care of me, change me
Step 8, he was on my list, but was taken off, I hadnt harmed him
the others, not on my list, they disappeared in Step4/Step10
Step 9, not applicable. big Book doesnt suggest we make amends to ourselves
Step 10, This I need to do again this week
I need to contimue to take inventory on it, the fact I have been posting
on this and thinking about it, shows me I need to at least be willing
to sit and take inventory, its come up and I feel uncomfortable
blogging about it, dont know why, am just doing it anyway.
Step11, Will continue to pray on this, I trust God will take care of me
I will continue to seek through prayer and meditation to seek Gods Will for me
Step 12, having had a Spiritual Awakening on this area of my life, I can tell you
I am no longer a victim of child abuse, I survived it, and now I am living each day. I am under no illusion my past may affect future relationships, and will
continue to be honest open minded and willing to address it as it comes up.
To sit theorising in a counselling session seems a little SELF WILLED. I do not need to know why I am like I am or how it may affect me/the other person TODAY.
Honesty, willingness, openmindness, Humility
Keys to freedom
Note to self... take inventory on this TODAY
Stop thinking about it and just do it
The fact that I am a recovering alcoholic
or recovered alcoholic
or just an alcoholic
Is no excuse for continuing any behaviour which
is destructive to self or others
It doesnt explain my actions
nor does it excuse it
TODAY I AM RESPONSIBLE
ok I need a bath
Its true
Everyone has issues, flaws, problems, difficulties
Some just live live with them
Some get help to overcome them
Some of them are destructive to other
Some are destructive to self
Some are a problem/difficulty for you and not to me
Some are a problem/difficulty for me and not for you
Having just caught the end of a TV programme, where
a woman just killed herself cos when she was found
out for mental and physical cruelty to her future step
son. Again, its mental illness, no one listened,
no one knew what she went through, so she just
believed what she was doing was ok, and so the cycle of abuse
contiunues... until someone says no and stands by it
To find out that anything I have done for a long period of time
is actually not helping me, and or the people around my
is not something that pleases me, however nowadays I welcome
the truth, its a chance to change for the better.
As in a previous post, I do not understrand the mind of a
child abuser, because I am not one, nor a psychopath!!
and I am grateful for that.
But I do understand a little of the closed mindedness that leads
to destructive behaviour. If we dont want to change we will not.
Even if its illegal or destructive, at the point of finding
out what we do is detructive, is the point where we have to make a
choice, either
SURRENDER and Go to any lengths to recover
or
Go on to the bitter end, thinking only of our very selfish selfs
and not changing, in fact in many cases worsening.
The Big Book talks about this choice P24/P25
One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.
Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. P58
This is Self will, arrogance...closed minded, unteacheable
The fact that my life was so unmanageable and not getting any better
was as the result of my drinking and my refusal to accept any help for anything.
Its true, I didnt really make any SERIOUS attempts to change
because I arrogantly (closed mindedly) thought i was ? ok, well as ok as I could be, you know, i was like how I was cos of my ? childhood. I didnt know that there was any other way, I didnt know I didnt have to be "ucked up and I didnt know anyone who had been abused and seemed to live a normal life. I mean who talks about child abuse outside of self help groups, samaritans and Kilroy, and Oprah ?? you dont get many well people talking about how they overcome it and live a normal life...do you ?
Yes I found both in AA
I found women who had abuse similar to mine
an they had overcome their difficulties
they did not shut the door on it
they had archived it approriately
dealt and dealing with it
and brought it out to show me and evidence
AA works on anything
I got hope and willingness to accept Spriritual help
just maybe this could work for me
Step1, Child abuse affects my life
Step2, Yes I came to believe the steps, and AA
could "just maybe" restore me to some sanity
or at least make it a little better" on this area
of my life
Step3, Leave it in Gods hands and Gods Time
Just for today I will not tackle all my life problems
Just do today, today
Step4, All the resentments, fears, the truth (as I saw it)
Step5, We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle P66
Step6, Yes am very ready to let go of my old ideas, try and not alow the old ideas and thinking hold me back...well at least try, let Go
Have some compassion for that little girl I was, If a little girl
came up and told me what had happened to her, would I be as hard on her
as I had been to myslef all these years? No.
Well then, have some compassion. DO IT.
This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick P66
Pray for the B**t*rds!!
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." P67
Step7, God could and would help me to overcome this stuff
So I asked him, in prayer, to take care of me, change me
Step 8, he was on my list, but was taken off, I hadnt harmed him
the others, not on my list, they disappeared in Step4/Step10
Step 9, not applicable. big Book doesnt suggest we make amends to ourselves
Step 10, This I need to do again this week
I need to contimue to take inventory on it, the fact I have been posting
on this and thinking about it, shows me I need to at least be willing
to sit and take inventory, its come up and I feel uncomfortable
blogging about it, dont know why, am just doing it anyway.
Step11, Will continue to pray on this, I trust God will take care of me
I will continue to seek through prayer and meditation to seek Gods Will for me
Step 12, having had a Spiritual Awakening on this area of my life, I can tell you
I am no longer a victim of child abuse, I survived it, and now I am living each day. I am under no illusion my past may affect future relationships, and will
continue to be honest open minded and willing to address it as it comes up.
To sit theorising in a counselling session seems a little SELF WILLED. I do not need to know why I am like I am or how it may affect me/the other person TODAY.
Honesty, willingness, openmindness, Humility
Keys to freedom
Note to self... take inventory on this TODAY
Stop thinking about it and just do it
The fact that I am a recovering alcoholic
or recovered alcoholic
or just an alcoholic
Is no excuse for continuing any behaviour which
is destructive to self or others
It doesnt explain my actions
nor does it excuse it
TODAY I AM RESPONSIBLE
ok I need a bath
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
It works - It really does
It works-It really does
P88 Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous
I am grateful today
that I do not buy into other peoples drama
I do not react with muted anger or audible sarcasm
towards people for replaying the
"this is this weeks problem tape"
to everyone that asks how they are
regardless of who they are
whether they are equipped to deal with it
I was like this ALL THE FREAKING TIME
once I got in AA and found a voice of sorts
its like the tape was on constant
play, rewind, play, rewind
all my problems seemed to build up like layers
and even though some became resolved
it was like i couldnt grasp it - couldnt see the truth
life got too much, and even the simplest things
became too ard, it was all just too ard
Spiritually sick, emotionally crippled, mentally defective
physically just a bag of organs, surviving
continually sick and tired of being sick and tired
I was the most miserable **!
Continually needing reminding
We are sick people getting well, not bad people getting good
God am glad its not like that now!!
Up to a few years ago
I had no idea how to deal with
the Devils who wear Prada
The Primadonnas LOUD AND PROUD
now I am
(I have a God that helpd me come to believe)
that my George from Asda is good enough!!
Twiggy at M&S is also enough
And the Devil also weras George & M&S
The Devil often does wear Prada in circles
that I now find myself in and he often reveals himself
and she aint a pretty woman
The grass is not greener
So I stick with "trying to be of maximum helpfulness"
continue to dress becomingly in my George at Asda
and Twiggy at M&S
and stay out of other peoples drama's
I do not have to fix them
I do not have to like them
I do not have to take them home with me
I like praying for people nowadays
People appear to change after a few days
...... they do, its true, they appear to change
Whatever..it works this praying lark
Its magic
...... stop your scoffing and try it
Yeh I have resentments its obvious
Those same defects do not disappear
they just quieten
But I take inventory and pray for them dudes
On my knees at times
I rarely say how I feel when in resentment
mostly its not helpful
(I remember trying it, making a comment,
it resulted in a loud shouting match
battle of self wills
- my motives for the comment
was barbed with envy, self pity, pride
and self centred fear, affecting my security
self esteem and personal relations)
In otherwords, crap motives
At that time, I didnt have this
faith in the Spirit of the Universe,
a Loving God (its true)
I had no idea what to do with these people
So i would avoid them
Now I dont need to, in fact its impossible to
These Eskimo's turn up all over the place
carrying Prada bags
God hears my truth and thats enough
I have been a doormat to my own stuff long enough
I am not prepared to be one for anyone elses
Its just not Gods will for me, I KNOW
I have worked to hard for what I have now
With His help and his messengers
How much money they have is none of my business
What they talk about is also none of my business
What their drama's are is also none of my business
Even if they tell me I dont have to comment
"I dont know" is enough
Gossip Kills (me if I listen to it)
Idle banter kills me (if I take part in it for too long)
So I try not to do either
Nowadays I love my Devils in Prada
They are all Gods kids, as I am
Perfect in their imperfectness
Just like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Sleeeeeeeeeeeep give me Sleeeeeeeeeeeep
Gratefully yours God, to build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt
(please dont put me in Prada)
Johno
Ps God only kidding about me in Prada
i'll leave it with you
PPs God do you wear Prada ?
P88 Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous
I am grateful today
that I do not buy into other peoples drama
I do not react with muted anger or audible sarcasm
towards people for replaying the
"this is this weeks problem tape"
to everyone that asks how they are
regardless of who they are
whether they are equipped to deal with it
I was like this ALL THE FREAKING TIME
once I got in AA and found a voice of sorts
its like the tape was on constant
play, rewind, play, rewind
all my problems seemed to build up like layers
and even though some became resolved
it was like i couldnt grasp it - couldnt see the truth
life got too much, and even the simplest things
became too ard, it was all just too ard
Spiritually sick, emotionally crippled, mentally defective
physically just a bag of organs, surviving
continually sick and tired of being sick and tired
I was the most miserable **!
Continually needing reminding
We are sick people getting well, not bad people getting good
God am glad its not like that now!!
Up to a few years ago
I had no idea how to deal with
the Devils who wear Prada
The Primadonnas LOUD AND PROUD
now I am
(I have a God that helpd me come to believe)
that my George from Asda is good enough!!
Twiggy at M&S is also enough
And the Devil also weras George & M&S
The Devil often does wear Prada in circles
that I now find myself in and he often reveals himself
and she aint a pretty woman
The grass is not greener
So I stick with "trying to be of maximum helpfulness"
continue to dress becomingly in my George at Asda
and Twiggy at M&S
and stay out of other peoples drama's
I do not have to fix them
I do not have to like them
I do not have to take them home with me
I like praying for people nowadays
People appear to change after a few days
...... they do, its true, they appear to change
Whatever..it works this praying lark
Its magic
...... stop your scoffing and try it
Yeh I have resentments its obvious
Those same defects do not disappear
they just quieten
But I take inventory and pray for them dudes
On my knees at times
I rarely say how I feel when in resentment
mostly its not helpful
(I remember trying it, making a comment,
it resulted in a loud shouting match
battle of self wills
- my motives for the comment
was barbed with envy, self pity, pride
and self centred fear, affecting my security
self esteem and personal relations)
In otherwords, crap motives
At that time, I didnt have this
faith in the Spirit of the Universe,
a Loving God (its true)
I had no idea what to do with these people
So i would avoid them
Now I dont need to, in fact its impossible to
These Eskimo's turn up all over the place
carrying Prada bags
God hears my truth and thats enough
I have been a doormat to my own stuff long enough
I am not prepared to be one for anyone elses
Its just not Gods will for me, I KNOW
I have worked to hard for what I have now
With His help and his messengers
How much money they have is none of my business
What they talk about is also none of my business
What their drama's are is also none of my business
Even if they tell me I dont have to comment
"I dont know" is enough
Gossip Kills (me if I listen to it)
Idle banter kills me (if I take part in it for too long)
So I try not to do either
Nowadays I love my Devils in Prada
They are all Gods kids, as I am
Perfect in their imperfectness
Just like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Sleeeeeeeeeeeep give me Sleeeeeeeeeeeep
Gratefully yours God, to build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt
(please dont put me in Prada)
Johno
Ps God only kidding about me in Prada
i'll leave it with you
PPs God do you wear Prada ?
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I am Grateful
I caught myself self diagnosing my symptoms this morning & stopped
I got up and went to work instead of listening to me
I call up & went to GP today to see whats up with me
That I dont have something serious wrong with me (quelle suprise)
I Just have a virus
Am not infectious
That he told me to take it easy!!
I could still go to my home group with knowledge I wasnt contagious
sponsor that tells me to take inventory
sponsor that tells me there is no perfect sponsor
sponsor that tells me am full of fear
that I will take inventory, even though I THINK my sponsor is wrong!!
(dont you know who I am!?*)
Deep down I KNOW my sponsor is right (rarely wrong)
sponsee making progress
I am making progress
its all happening like inch by inch
(feels like am moving a great big heavy tanker along with my little finger
and at the same time I just noticed its like its moving slowly on its own
even if I dont push it, am starting to feel this is God doing it not me)
having a laugh with my Dad tonight
getting my work done today
Laughing at work
dressing becomingly
someone doing my work yesterday when I was laid up
Seeing how irresponsible overdoing it can be
Seeing how doing too much even when I THINK its ok
has led me to take a day off sick
this doesnt feel comfortable
I feel wired
Grateful to know how I feel & know that I can change
Evenings in, step 11, quiet time
I have these often and so enjoy them
Doing the opposite for the last 2 weeks
AND experiencing the consequences of NOT taking time out
has made me appreciate today
a) how how essential it is
b) that I can actually do this quiet time nowadays
c) that it is part of recovery
d) its God Will (not always mine)
Stop running round like a teenager
progress not perfection
cinch by the inch hard by the yard
Going to take inventory
Pray
Let God
Good night
God thank you keeping me sober, safe & healthy today
I got up and went to work instead of listening to me
I call up & went to GP today to see whats up with me
That I dont have something serious wrong with me (quelle suprise)
I Just have a virus
Am not infectious
That he told me to take it easy!!
I could still go to my home group with knowledge I wasnt contagious
sponsor that tells me to take inventory
sponsor that tells me there is no perfect sponsor
sponsor that tells me am full of fear
that I will take inventory, even though I THINK my sponsor is wrong!!
(dont you know who I am!?*)
Deep down I KNOW my sponsor is right (rarely wrong)
sponsee making progress
I am making progress
its all happening like inch by inch
(feels like am moving a great big heavy tanker along with my little finger
and at the same time I just noticed its like its moving slowly on its own
even if I dont push it, am starting to feel this is God doing it not me)
having a laugh with my Dad tonight
getting my work done today
Laughing at work
dressing becomingly
someone doing my work yesterday when I was laid up
Seeing how irresponsible overdoing it can be
Seeing how doing too much even when I THINK its ok
has led me to take a day off sick
this doesnt feel comfortable
I feel wired
Grateful to know how I feel & know that I can change
Evenings in, step 11, quiet time
I have these often and so enjoy them
Doing the opposite for the last 2 weeks
AND experiencing the consequences of NOT taking time out
has made me appreciate today
a) how how essential it is
b) that I can actually do this quiet time nowadays
c) that it is part of recovery
d) its God Will (not always mine)
Stop running round like a teenager
progress not perfection
cinch by the inch hard by the yard
Going to take inventory
Pray
Let God
Good night
God thank you keeping me sober, safe & healthy today
Saturday, May 12, 2007
I really believed it would never work for me...
and yet
last night my sponsor said...
I think its about time you looked at sponsoring!!!!
Oh my God
Its a miracle
I love being wrong
Even last year trudging through a step 5
of the previous year
I had thoughts of a conspiracy theory
that I would never get to this point
that something else would happen
and i would have to start again
or i would drink or something!?!?
Now I am very grateful
I keep welling up, tears of gratitude
I feel responsible
I also feel that I have a responsibility
I also also feel willing
God has never given me more than I can handle
Ps Going to an AA dance tonight,
one of those growth things
doing something I dont want to do
........just for excersize (see Just for today card)
and for fun!! no-one said I have to dance
just turn up and see what happens
Social life in and out of AA is maxed out
THIS IS A GIFT, NOT A PROBLEM
having to say no to stuff is essential
hectic is not something that feels comfortable
and its not what was passed on to me
watching the clock prevents me staying in the moment
learning to let go of social opportunities
and trust that more will come along
Step 3 stuff
so am looking at balance
and learning how to say, I have to leave now
... and then leaving
Also TRYING to bed early more regularly
YES THAT OLD CHESTNUT
result is, am waking up a little earlier
(this doesnt mean that I get out of bed
just means i wake earlier)
even getting cuppa tea and breakfast before leaving home
instead of when i get to work!!
some progress being made
am happy with that
ps. just had a thought, which could be mistaken as quite innocent
"i need to eat before i go out" (dancing Saturday night)
or its just proof that my old thinking
crops up at the strangest of moments haha
I will eat anyway :-) and pray
last night my sponsor said...
I think its about time you looked at sponsoring!!!!
Oh my God
Its a miracle
I love being wrong
Even last year trudging through a step 5
of the previous year
I had thoughts of a conspiracy theory
that I would never get to this point
that something else would happen
and i would have to start again
or i would drink or something!?!?
Now I am very grateful
I keep welling up, tears of gratitude
I feel responsible
I also feel that I have a responsibility
I also also feel willing
God has never given me more than I can handle
Ps Going to an AA dance tonight,
one of those growth things
doing something I dont want to do
........just for excersize (see Just for today card)
and for fun!! no-one said I have to dance
just turn up and see what happens
Social life in and out of AA is maxed out
THIS IS A GIFT, NOT A PROBLEM
having to say no to stuff is essential
hectic is not something that feels comfortable
and its not what was passed on to me
watching the clock prevents me staying in the moment
learning to let go of social opportunities
and trust that more will come along
Step 3 stuff
so am looking at balance
and learning how to say, I have to leave now
... and then leaving
Also TRYING to bed early more regularly
YES THAT OLD CHESTNUT
result is, am waking up a little earlier
(this doesnt mean that I get out of bed
just means i wake earlier)
even getting cuppa tea and breakfast before leaving home
instead of when i get to work!!
some progress being made
am happy with that
ps. just had a thought, which could be mistaken as quite innocent
"i need to eat before i go out" (dancing Saturday night)
or its just proof that my old thinking
crops up at the strangest of moments haha
I will eat anyway :-) and pray
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Grateful for "Live and Let Live" in the workplace
So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness.
P132
Yesterday at work we had such a laugh
we also got so much work done
How often now does at least one person every few day who sits
on our bank of desks say "this dont feel like work" or
"when do we have to do the real work?" we have a very profitable
group of people on here, yet we have lots of time to laugh
childlike, not childish
laugh at ourselves
laugh with each other
All with defects, no-one is perfect
each of us experiences, excited, hysterical,
stroppy, happy, sad, confused, focussed, flirty, restless, calm,
irritable, irritating, discontented, contented, playful, high, low,
hot, cold, hungry, full up..... I could GO ON.
And its all ok
No-one gets hurt.
We are just spiritually sick
We also try to do the right thing at the same time
Different Defects playing up on different days
Different defects playing up in different people
Lots of love, acceptance, forgiveness, honesty, integrity,
openness, sharing experience, patience, tolerence, service around
Live and Let Live
Am learning the meaning of this
It works, it really does
A loving God watches over us
Just for Today "I won't find fault with anything, nor try to
improve or regulate anybody but myself"
Yesterday one of us was sad, lots of tears
We all felt it
We just felt it
Sometimes there is strength in doing nothing, not trying to
regulate anyone continuing to be ourselves and
do whats in front of us - our jobs
Let their sadness come, accept it was part of "their" processing
Let it come and let it go.
This too shall pass, it did, today no sadness, laughter returns
A few years ago was threatened with disciplinery for poor
performance, I was not profitable to the business, & could
show no evidence that I would change. i couldnt do my job &
was paralysed with fear most of my working day trying to
get away with doing very little, because I couldnt manage to
do anything & too afraid to do give up or ask for help.
Tears and laughter all around me in the same day
Useful and profitable, not just in financial terms
Work that feels like play
Free Gym at work with classes...
At last I restarted yoga this lunch time
Lovin the downwards facing dog & cobra
Home group tonight aswell
Theres more but I need to go and read step 9 again
"until i get a handle on it"
I am so freekin blessed
Recovery Rocks!!! Bring it On Dudes!!
Thank you God!!
P132 Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous
P132
Yesterday at work we had such a laugh
we also got so much work done
How often now does at least one person every few day who sits
on our bank of desks say "this dont feel like work" or
"when do we have to do the real work?" we have a very profitable
group of people on here, yet we have lots of time to laugh
childlike, not childish
laugh at ourselves
laugh with each other
All with defects, no-one is perfect
each of us experiences, excited, hysterical,
stroppy, happy, sad, confused, focussed, flirty, restless, calm,
irritable, irritating, discontented, contented, playful, high, low,
hot, cold, hungry, full up..... I could GO ON.
And its all ok
No-one gets hurt.
We are just spiritually sick
We also try to do the right thing at the same time
Different Defects playing up on different days
Different defects playing up in different people
Lots of love, acceptance, forgiveness, honesty, integrity,
openness, sharing experience, patience, tolerence, service around
Live and Let Live
Am learning the meaning of this
It works, it really does
A loving God watches over us
Just for Today "I won't find fault with anything, nor try to
improve or regulate anybody but myself"
Yesterday one of us was sad, lots of tears
We all felt it
We just felt it
Sometimes there is strength in doing nothing, not trying to
regulate anyone continuing to be ourselves and
do whats in front of us - our jobs
Let their sadness come, accept it was part of "their" processing
Let it come and let it go.
This too shall pass, it did, today no sadness, laughter returns
A few years ago was threatened with disciplinery for poor
performance, I was not profitable to the business, & could
show no evidence that I would change. i couldnt do my job &
was paralysed with fear most of my working day trying to
get away with doing very little, because I couldnt manage to
do anything & too afraid to do give up or ask for help.
Tears and laughter all around me in the same day
Useful and profitable, not just in financial terms
Work that feels like play
Free Gym at work with classes...
At last I restarted yoga this lunch time
Lovin the downwards facing dog & cobra
Home group tonight aswell
Theres more but I need to go and read step 9 again
"until i get a handle on it"
I am so freekin blessed
Recovery Rocks!!! Bring it On Dudes!!
Thank you God!!
P132 Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous
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