Sunday, July 03, 2011

Self will is insufficient, build a mental defence And maintain it !!

Like A sea wall, stops the sea drowning a village, it doesnt stop the sea from coming at it, and it has no idea what the waves will be like... The humans who built the village, at somepoint built the wall as a defence & i suppose have a duty of care to maintain and strengthen the sea wall, and those who move there know there is a sea wall and why its essential (if they care) if no sea wall or not maintained... The villagers drown and we all feel sad. Yet no one says i told u so.

Its interesting (to me) how its impossible to stop the thoughts coming, they just come, in all shapes and sizes. Years dont stop the thoughts either.. A mental defence kicks (if now i have one) when the destructive thoughts or even simple negativity come and protects me. It doesnt instantly make me joyful!! Just defends from what sits behind the negative waiting patiently. If i don't maintain the defence, well the negative and all its rubbish that follows through just beat me down... My job was to a) acknowledge i needed mental help and b) try and get one c) maintain it now i have it

Longwinded way of saying left to ny own thoughts alone i will self destruct. With a mental defence built by first 9 steps and maintained by 10, 11, 12 no days off, rarely perfect and somedays are full of grace and other people forgiving me when i really fall short. Im still here. Had one amazing day :-)