Sunday, June 29, 2008

When you really want something, want it with all your might and the Universe will conspire with you.... The Alchemist

I have spent the last 30 hours
in the place where my heart suggested
where I have never been before
and all I can descrive it as is

I have been on the beach
watching kite surfing
looking at houses...
I am housed out!
I have walked and walked
tested stuff out
been to another place
a little nearer
just to see whether I was sure
and I missed the place

the planets all lined up
thus weekend
and the sun shone gloriously
yeh a good weekend to go
house hunting
seen it at its best

Will let it all sink in
and have a look at rush hour
when it raining
and again for good measure
I am going to enjoy this summer
the worst that can happen
is that I dont get to sell mine this year
and I get to spend lots of weekends
by the sea!!

Went to a meeting
which I found was 10mins from
where i stayed
really friendly welcome
stayed after and they gave me
some tips! on the area
still nothing atall
has been said
or I have seen
which leads me to think
this is not Gods will for me
collected a newcomers number
why not? :)

cool cool
win win
I love it!
I want it!
It seems this is Gods will????
i'll keep on givins it anylengths
til He tells me not to

find out whats Gods will
follow it
and it all seems to work out
over and over

God wants us happy joyeus and free
I am evidence of this

be careful what you pray for
it may just come true

Its NOT about JUST stopping drinking
but its been imperative
to get to this stage
a lightness
which returns
and freedom

Dreams were created
and remained in my head for years
when I was drinking
In Alcoholics Anonymous
They are ALL coming true!
and more!

I am soooooo grateful
you'se never gave up on me
Loved me until
I could learn to love myself

ps I made the call
and we are talking
a little!
You probably noticed
I dont do fast straight away!

lovin it!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Embracing change - And having fun - At the same time

Change is
going to happen
part of the process
happening al the time
to be embraced
to be fought
will happen regardless
run fromable
but not hide fromable
but bloody ! damn worth it!
once its done !!!

It'll getcha in the end

I'm in it
the hands of the Gods
trying to hard! as usual
creating fear
lighten up

Having fun too
saw Sex and the City last night
Ten Pin Bowling the night before
Hilarious!! Both!

Stalling on the phone call
its just coffee!

Monday, June 23, 2008

It's time - to move - on

I have had this calling for a while
to somewhere I have never been
and for some reason
when i try and look elsewhere
my mind returns to this place

Its time
to let go of another area of the past
a long term relationship
that I have still have ties
purely financial
it seems there is never a good time
to "cash" in the chips
so I have decided to just do it
and pay off the ex
its time
no one is making me
no one has asked
and no one is expecting it
infact I dont even know if this person
is still alive!!

I had the most amazing time on holiday
the most peaceful and beautiful
place I have ever been
I lived outside for 2 weeks
in sunshine and sea air
clear sea and swimming with fish
which I can only describe as perfect
perfect for post exam head knackered
it quieted me right down

Also took up windsurfing again
after a 25 year gap
I always wanted to do it in warm water and winds
well I just did
and I suprised myself at HOW GOOD I AM!
UK water is much colder
but apparantly
this place thats calling me
has a good windsurf scene
coincidence? Nah!

I also came to a decision
I am ready and I want a relationship
a loving one
I feel ready to do make an attempt
and anylengths attempt
at a day at a time
I also came to one that
its time to let go absolutely
from the last one
even though
on the surface I have
financial ties are not cut
to move on I need to let go absolutely
I am open
I have to just start asking
living in fanstasy
and the inevitable crushes
are now a tad boring!
at times

The seaside
the ocean
has been calling me for a while
posts looking back
have been about
there are no coincidences
I have no idea why this particular place
is calling me
but this weeken I am going to take a look

I have been researching for a little while
I have decluttered my place
and put the thing on the market
which in a falling market is in itself
a leap of faith... some may say insane
but as I am after peace of mind and long term
so I do no feel insane
its a calculated risk
no need for me to go into all the options
just trust me on that there will ALWAYS be a risk
even in the most stable of markets
one can buy a perfect place and find out
the neighbour plays music till all hours
no knowledge of money markets could forcast that
so its not about the MONEY
its not about the size of PROPERTY
its not about PRESTIGE
its about looking for Gods Will
and in that I will find peace of mind
and fun
and a garden to grow things
to hang my washing out in
God I have missed that stuff

Today I woke up
really with no interest in my job
or anything they were talking about
at the conference I was at
I had very little sleep last night
and have spent the last 7 days
painting decorating and decluttering
aswell as working, going to the gym
meetings and phoning newcomers
shopping and eating
its kind of no wonder
I am knackered!
Got home from work and slept
in my uncluttered flat!

Well thats me for now
Going to do some step 10's
and pray

ps. All this moving, and calling
and relationship
could just be absurd ideas...
Step 3 is about trying
being willing and openminded
if its Gods will
the doors will open
if its self will
the doors will snap shut!

I think my mum would be really happy
that I spend some of the money she left me
on helping me in the next 12 months

Friday, June 20, 2008

Self Restraint & Practicing these Principles - A fearless & faithful way of life

The Warrior of Light Issue no. 174

The Warrior of Light and renunciation

“In any activity, we have to know what to expect, the means to reach our objective, and the capacity we possess for the proposed task.”

“The only one who can say that he has renounced the fruits is he who, being thus equipped, feels no desire for the results of the conquest, and remains absorbed in combat.”

"You can renounce the fruit, but this renunciation does not mean indifference towards the result.”

This strategy belongs to Mahatma Gandhi. The Warrior of Light listens with respect and does not allow himself to be confused by people who are incapable of reaching any result and always preach renunciation.

I love Paulo Coehlo

Renouncing vengeance

The Warrior of Light holds the sword in his hands. He is the one who decides what he is going to do, and what he will not do in any circumstances. There are moments when life leads him to a crisis: he is forced to divorce himself from things he has always loved.

Then the Warrior reflects. He assesses whether he is fulfilling God’s will or if he is acting through egoism. If separation is really the path he must follow, he accepts it without complaining.

However, if this separation is provoked by the perversity of others, then he implacable in his answer.

The Warrior possesses the art of the blow and the art of pardon. He knows how to use both with equal skill.

Renouncing provocation

The experienced fighter endures insults; he knows the strength of his fist and the efficacy of his blows. In front of the ill-prepared opponent, he merely contemplates and shows his strength through his look. He wins without needing to take the fight to the physical level.

As the Warrior of Light learns from his spiritual master, the light of faith also shines in his eyes and he does not need to prove anything to anyone. The aggressive arguments presented by the opponent - saying that God is superstition, that miracles are tricks, that believing in angels is fleeing from reality – are of no importance.

Like the fighter, the Warrior of Light is aware of his immense strength, and will never fight with anyone who does not deserve the honor of combat.

Renouncing time

The Warrior of Light listens to Lao Tzu when he says that we must detach ourselves from the idea of days and hours and pay more and more attention to the minutes.

Only in this way will he manage to resolve certain problems before they happen. By paying attention to the small things, he manages to protect himself from the great calamities.

But to think about the small things does not mean to think small. The Warrior knows that a great dream is made of many different things, just as the light of the sun is the sum of its millions of beams.

Renouncing comfort

The Warrior of Light contemplates the two columns beside the door he plans to open. One is called Fear, the other Desire.

The Warrior looks at the column of Fear, where he reads: "you are about to enter an unknown and dangerous world where all that you have learned up to now will be of no use whatsoever.”

The Warrior of Light looks at the column of Desire, where he reads: "you are about to leave a known world where all the things you always wanted and all that you have fought so hard for are kept.”

The Warrior smiles, because nothing can frighten him and nothing can hold him. With the confidence of those who know what they want, he opens the door.