Monday, June 23, 2008

It's time - to move - on

I have had this calling for a while
to somewhere I have never been
and for some reason
when i try and look elsewhere
my mind returns to this place

Its time
to let go of another area of the past
a long term relationship
that I have still have ties
purely financial
it seems there is never a good time
to "cash" in the chips
so I have decided to just do it
and pay off the ex
its time
no one is making me
no one has asked
and no one is expecting it
infact I dont even know if this person
is still alive!!

I had the most amazing time on holiday
the most peaceful and beautiful
place I have ever been
I lived outside for 2 weeks
in sunshine and sea air
clear sea and swimming with fish
which I can only describe as perfect
perfect for post exam head knackered
it quieted me right down

Also took up windsurfing again
after a 25 year gap
I always wanted to do it in warm water and winds
well I just did
and I suprised myself at HOW GOOD I AM!
UK water is much colder
but apparantly
this place thats calling me
has a good windsurf scene
coincidence? Nah!

I also came to a decision
I am ready and I want a relationship
a loving one
I feel ready to do make an attempt
and anylengths attempt
at a day at a time
I also came to one that
its time to let go absolutely
from the last one
even though
on the surface I have
financial ties are not cut
to move on I need to let go absolutely
I am open
I have to just start asking
living in fanstasy
and the inevitable crushes
are now a tad boring!
at times

The seaside
the ocean
has been calling me for a while
posts looking back
have been about
there are no coincidences
I have no idea why this particular place
is calling me
but this weeken I am going to take a look

I have been researching for a little while
I have decluttered my place
and put the thing on the market
which in a falling market is in itself
a leap of faith... some may say insane
but as I am after peace of mind and long term
so I do no feel insane
its a calculated risk
no need for me to go into all the options
just trust me on that there will ALWAYS be a risk
even in the most stable of markets
one can buy a perfect place and find out
the neighbour plays music till all hours
no knowledge of money markets could forcast that
so its not about the MONEY
its not about the size of PROPERTY
its not about PRESTIGE
its about looking for Gods Will
and in that I will find peace of mind
and fun
and a garden to grow things
to hang my washing out in
God I have missed that stuff

Today I woke up
really with no interest in my job
or anything they were talking about
at the conference I was at
I had very little sleep last night
and have spent the last 7 days
painting decorating and decluttering
aswell as working, going to the gym
meetings and phoning newcomers
shopping and eating
its kind of no wonder
I am knackered!
Got home from work and slept
in my uncluttered flat!

Well thats me for now
Going to do some step 10's
and pray

ps. All this moving, and calling
and relationship
could just be absurd ideas...
Step 3 is about trying
being willing and openminded
if its Gods will
the doors will open
if its self will
the doors will snap shut!

I think my mum would be really happy
that I spend some of the money she left me
on helping me in the next 12 months


Shadow said...

ooooh, the holiday did you good. follow your heart!

Syd said...

There's nothing like the beach and water to get things going again. It sounds as if there were stirrings of good feelings coming to the surface. I hope that it all works out.

Kathy Lynne said...

You sound good.....

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

I have experienced 'callings' for things that turned out to be deluded rationalizations, which would have caused massive havoc had I not been kept on the straight and narrow by people that (incredibly luckily) knew better than me, so I cannot possibly tell you what is a 'good' calling and what is a 'bad' calling.
Generally, if a life choice on the surface is life enhancing and life expanding and involves no harmful act then it is probably a good one. This one sounds harmless enough as people move all the time. Im sure you know your employment options better than me so you are in a better position to know what choices are available than I do. I distrust most of my feelings these days so Im not much good on the 'calling' front. Generally things seem to work out for people that do their lousy best so I'm sure you will be fine, whatever happens. Life involves risks so why not. I am still risk averse but I make myself take risks when needed. Good luck!