Bread of Life

Baking bread
has always been something
someone else did
complicated
hit and miss
a faff with ingredients
need a breadmaker
why bother
I don't eat that  much bread
The other week
I ate soda bread made with love
made with sharing in mind
it was so tasty
so easy she said
I went home
had a go
and it was strange
and I almost gave up hope
But then instead of trying
it with different flour
which she had also given me instructions for
I bought the same flour
which she had used
and a different make of buttermilk
and the result was astonishing
added raisins and sultanas
tasted yummy
and I ate it all over a period of a week
no after effects as with bought bread
no matter how 'posh'
always after effects
Something new to learn
and get excited about
I shared it this week
and they said it was tasty
I have the ingredients to give it a go again
different extras this time
Rosemary and Olives
So easy
no proving required !!
Bread of Life

Todays lighter - even laughed!

I really try to lighten up!
yesterday was a complete struggle
restraint of tongue gave in at about 4.30
and me and boss both through overdoing it
and neither of us sleeping
barked at each other...
she stated the bleeding obvious!
and I just wanted to punch her...

This morning I apologised for barking
I could see she was just trying to help
me I havent accepted still that I am human
and no-one else I or she or anyone else I know
does what I do... thats because we are not clones
I am unique haha

We spent the day friends
and hugged at the end arrr... seriously this is how it is
I am blessed really
Like she says its swings and roundabouts
except I am not usually the one
barking, crying and needing some slack for long periods!

She's still well impressed with me
even if I am not
see my standards are far too high
hers are fine as they are

I have heard far to often in the last 3 months
do you think your being to hard on yourself?
Take it easy
You have a lot on
you have a LOT on
I couldnt do all what you do
I dont know how you do it all
Go home and have an early night

Now I see its not all possible
long term
and I actually dont want to be like that
i'm changing and being changed

I have been trying to hard
and trying too hard to slow down
and now I have stopped
my diary wiped off my phone a week ago
and I lost my outlook
thats 3 years emails and calender and contacts
EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE
and I just smiled and accepted
either that or i'm in shock and dont know it
you could call it operator error
I prefer to call it
A VERY BIG sign from God and his Special agents

That if you arent gonna listen AND QUIT everything
and trust me
I am gonna do it for you
God does for me what I wont do for myself!

A couple of offers to retrieve the outlook
But I feel its just another thing I have become attached too
Like the phone diary
Its made me now, or is that enabled me now to
Live in the day
each day
TODAY

I even wrote, thats hand wrote
a couple of letters in cards to people
stuck stamps on and posted them
now thats far cooler than email!

If I forget birthdays and other stuff
well so be it
I have to let go absolutely
I have cancelled everything I can remember until June 14th
Thats everything

Except
Work
Uni
1 service commitment (every 8 weeks)
Home group
12 step calls (which are God sent)

I will sleep when I am tired
and work when I am awake
I never thought of taking a nap after work
and getting up again and studying
before bed
until today

Nutrition
two Special agents in the workplace in a week have said
"you eat more sweet stuff since you started the veggie thing"
and "course your going to be off, you changed your diet"
letting go of the meat or should I say KFC's was needed
With the fish it was a choice and I have learned alot since January 1st
3 months off meat and fish
I had some fish last night and today
doesnt feel a failure
it feels like the right thing to do
my diet was not that bad
I have felt hungry lots and lots recently
and ate more sugary stuff compensating

I am less hungry today
less time spent trying to work out what to
eat and get a balance
its tiring, energy I need elsewhere at the moment
Eating sustainable farmed fish
which is in keeping with how I feel about
the way its killed
until I am able to maintain a healthy
vegetarian lifestyle I will continue with fish

KFC's chicken and meat... are off limits
I have no desire and after 3-4 months off
I am now aware of what drives the need to KFC
its lack of regular meals and being hungry H.A.L.T
and sloth!

Listening - Doing the next right thing
see i'm listening and taking steps
letting go and then bringing back in whats Good
and then letting go again

made calls about teachers..
will call til I get through
continuing to listen for the moment
no more commitments until after june 14th
yes exams/assessments yes two this week!
yes looney tunes, premental, examental
yes yes YES!!!!!!
flippin' old timers! ;)
God bless fellow students!

oceans and waves
waves are part of the ocean
they come and go from the ocean and back to the ocean
leaving on the beach whats not required
at the right time
I read that in this book I think?!

awareness is cool
letting go - feeling lighter
had my eyelashes tinted on the way home
eyes feeling alive again
laughing muscles working well today

I love you guys
x

ps. that diary note to keep an eye on my pmt...
it disappeared 2 a couple of week ends ago didnt it!
powerless DOH!

Back on it

Planned the next two recipes
Another go at the yummy veggie chilli
and another chestnut something, I forgot
anyway
I burnt a pan last time I cooked up brown rice
something to do with... mind on my email instead of the cooker!
so I will be more careful this time

I noticed the last few weeks
How when I dont plan my food
It all gets abit patchy
I dont mean..
well yes I do mean patchy
all meals beome hit and miss
and hard work
energy wasting even

Now I have spent some hours cooking
Listening to the radio
and thats my meals coooked for the next week
breakfast is already sorted

3rd meal still hanging
oh well, progress
eating brakfast before 10am
lunch/dinner before 1pm
and dinner/tea before 7pm
really helps

Also stopped with the Mylo in the evening
I didnt realise how much sugar it was
I havent had more than 5 since december

I have lost 2 kg's without really trying
Like I said before
change of diet NOT an attempt to lose weight
I just leaned up without trying
excersize and yoga
drinking water, not excessive
it all happens
not sure the no meat really played a part in the weight loss
but overall, I do feel better with no eating it
I feel lighter, less saturated even

I still eat biscuits and chocolate
But you know
Like one of the trainers I know says
he doesnt do all the excersize and fitness
so he cant enjoy a bag of jelly babies
I agree

I enjoy my fitness
I enjoy my biscuits
I enjoy balance
I enjoy feeling physically lighter

Back on it

Planned the next two recipes
Another go at the yummy veggie chilli
and another chestnut something, I forgot
anyway
I burnt a pan last time I cooked up brown rice
something to do with... mind on my email instead of the cooker!
so I will be more careful this time

I noticed the last few weeks
How when I dont plan my food
It all gets abit patchy
I dont mean..
well yes I do mean patchy
all meals beome hit and miss
and hard work
energy wasting even

Now I have spent some hours cooking
Listening to the radio
and thats my meals coooked for the next week
breakfast is already sorted

3rd meal still hanging
oh well, progress
eating brakfast before 10am
lunch/dinner before 1pm
and dinner/tea before 7pm
really helps

Also stopped with the Mylo in the evening
I didnt realise how much sugar it was
I havent had more than 5 since december

I have lost 2 kg's without really trying
Like I said before
change of diet NOT an attempt to lose weight
I just leaned up without trying
excersize and yoga
drinking water, not excessive
it all happens
not sure the no meat really played a part in the weight loss
but overall, I do feel better with no eating it
I feel lighter, less saturated even

I still eat biscuits and chocolate
But you know
Like one of the trainers I know says
he doesnt do all the excersize and fitness
so he cant enjoy a bag of jelly babies
I agree

I enjoy my fitness
I enjoy my biscuits
I enjoy balance
I enjoy feeling physically lighter

Physical stuff, Study, Keep Coming Back

It all seems to be the physical stuff at the moment
No poor me's, just observations
I need to keep an eye on
see how long I drop into avoiding the GP
this is a way of keeping an eye on myself!!
The old injury in my shoulder
is now affecting my excersize
will rest it a while longer
if still persisting in a week
will see the GP
yoga 4 times a week
much shoulder and arm rotation
is bound to do something
my shoulders need rotating and working on
but pain of this kind is not good
so I am told
more rest of a different kind
even leaning on my arms does not help
better posture
suprisingly eases the pain!!
FUNNY THAT!?

Study group tonight
small turn out of 2
people are interested
and agree its a good idea
but few take action
its early days
I get alot from it
even with 2 of us
like I said tonight
even if no-one turned up
I would stay and study for that time
so I win win whatever happens
reminds me of turning up at my homegroup
week after week, willing, for the newcomer
regardless of who else came
see how important "KEEPING COMING BACK"
which used to be the regular thing
said to me, when
I didnt get what was going on in recovery
or why I came to a meeting?
or just why bother getting up?
or whats the point in doing step4 and 5?
I still dont think it will ever work..
or just how longs it gonna take?
Keep coming back is now imprinted in my head
IT WORKS
it is for me now is now being transferred to
practiced in another area of my life/my affairs
its effortless for me to turn up week after week
easier than setting the time aside at home
to do it alone...
I know I will benefit
this discipline does not let me down
some weeks it will be better than others
some weeks I will wonder why I bothered
its inevitable
but thats exactly how life is!
KEEP COMING BACK!

food blog

I am getting a little
mischeivous and starting scheming
in my head... this means a couple of things
either I need to do work with more AA newcomers
AND OR I need to read more of what I am studying
or I need to focus at work and ask for more stuff
either way... I have too much thinking time on my hands
to think and make up irrevelent and unhelpful... dishonest
things to do... and it WILL get me in trouble
in some shape or form!

It Takes Discipline and effort

to continue with a reformed
consciuos disciplined good food
dare I say it regime
but its true
my dad came down the other weekend
and my usual day for shopping
for my recipe of the week
went out the window
I have still not got nack in the swing
I have food left over which I can eat
but the reserves are about over

I have noticed
no matter what I eat
if i dont eat breakfast
the whole mood of the day doesnt get with it
all is affected

Breakfast is an important meal
it kickstarts it all
a cuppa tea is not enough
for me

I have changed my mind on eating chicken - how has it spent its life?

Its no longer health reasons
Its in support for the love of chickens
and I do not support cruelty
Its a I care for the chicken decision

Its not about suggesting you dont eat anymore chicken either
its about having a think
about the chicken you eat and its welfare
eating a chicken raised cruely
or eating a chicken thats been raised with its welfare in mind

I have been all of these
organic only
free range
KFC
Chicken cottage

We even considered owning our own
chickens in the small freeholding
we nearly bought in our organic age
to grow our own produce and rear
owr own chicken and eggs
and have a better way of living
for ourselves
It sounds perfect to me even writing it now
How did I veer so far off the path?
I seem so far away from all of that at the moment

This year
I haven't eaten any
not because of
Hugh and Jamie
but I have been watching a few
of their programmes
about the way Britain
farms and eats chickens and eggs
and to be honest
I am appalled!
And completely F'CKED off
that the basic intensively farmed
is allowed to happen
I didnt know
95% of UK chicken sold are
battery grown
Any I have been supporting this!
What the hell happened to me
I fell asleep!

I strongly urge
anyone who buys a chicken
NOT to buy the cheapest
but to think about
how its spent its welfare during its life
I support Jamie and the RSPCA
if WE eat chicken
£1 extra is all it costs apparantly
to grow up a chicken more humanly
in a manner supported by the RSPCA
Check out the Freedom Foods labels

Standard intensive factory farming
Birth to slaughter in 36-39days
with amonia burns on its legs
through walking around in its own waste all its life
and staggering around cos its body has grown
too big for its legs to support it
because its been fast grown
and not being able to have light
because light could confuse it and its fellows
enough to turn some of them to cannabalism!
I've had enough
and for the £2.50 bird sold 2 for 1 in the shop
the farmer makes £0.03p
outrageous or what!

Find out what Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
and Jamie Oliver are saying about chicken welfare.

Breatfast & Main Meal sorted

practically enthusing about
this new food thing
I seem to be enjoying the
shopping making and eating
Its a great distraction
and time out whilst studying

and I eat healthier as a result
win win win

the vegetarian chilli went down
well in the office
smells delicious!!

so thats breakfast and main meal sorted
I am still abit lost on the last one
see I want instant perfection
as usual

Right i'm off for a bath!
and then more study

Nutrition and growth in this area - a track of my progress

I am eating well nowadays
I light of this new passion
which I am enjoying
I started this to track it

I am not sure how long it will last
the blogging i mean
but just for today

its all about the nutrition
and my new attitude to it

may integrate it into my main blog
I dunno yet
see how much stuff I write

It may end up more interesting!!!
to me anyway

ps. seems like a couple of you found it
a few days ago... cool! great feedback ladies thanks!

at last serious studying Hoo "frikkin" rah - the vinegar question, cooking, eating, yoga and of course playing around!!

learning this is a good distraction
this weekend

Donovan Leitch this is lovely :)


enjoy

Yoga today, I am impressed
she took blocks away from me today
which means I have improved
on an asana that I struggled with for ages!
and even left out
it just shows to keep on with everything else
and eventually an area I struggle with
will start to become easier
keep on and eventually progress
will be made, even if its just an inch
or a little less of a grimace whilst attempting it!
instead of giving up because I cant do it all 1st time
this asana I started trying a year ago
Give time time as they say!
its true

Gods time not mine

The Vinegar debate is over for now
thank you for your comments
I am glad I asked
I'll let you know how I get on


back to my notes! big sigh

Go with God and Fear at the same time...

I am finding that there is a process
of surrender I am going through in my studies

i HAVE TO TRUST THIS PROCESS
ITS JUST LIKE ANY OTHER

this is exactlu how its meant to be for me
at the moment

Its all slightly different
but at the same time its similar

I am in a period at the mo of
self will... needing to be in line with Gods will
and I am just about nearly there

not sure how
something to do with
accepting I am in fear
and just going through the motions
at the same time

Fear of failure
fear of not being able to remember anything
when I sit down on thursday
fear of regret

All this is blocking out God
EGO edging God out

i am not special or different
I am watching and listening to and reading
about other students
and their head stuff
and their physical stuff
and their mental anquish
and their methods
of getting through

and its all abit weird
and comforting at the same time

I am feeling quiet
Like I have said it all, ready to shut up
enough of the analysis and doubts
Doubts, lack of faith, EGO
I like feeling quiet
Hopefully am ready to listen now
I have eaten
vegetarian chilli and brown rice
the best tasting yet from Gilliam McKeith's cookbook
did some yoga today at home
and been on my knees again
washed my mouth out again with myrrh
it was good enough for Jesus! it's good enough for me
though I am not sure he was given it as
a cure for a gummmm infection
at the time, though as he was a baby...
... perhaps they teethed early in those days?

Back to the studying

The vinegar debate - use water instead

I have debated this one in my head for
quite a while now

Cooking with anything containing
alcohol is always a personal thing

So I ask the "audience" about vinegar

Cooking tonight is
vegetarian chilli
(bizarrely Gillian McKeith doesnt put say to
put any chilli in it!)
whatever, who am I to question the ninja

mostly vinegar is only 1 teaspoon which is a very small amount

so should I worry?
yeh I guess its not about worry
its whether I spend time thinking on it
have I decided ?
yeh I missed it out
used water as an alternative

Vinegar ? Whats your experience? Help please

I am still confused with vinegar
and I accept its all about personal choice
and alcohol gets cooked off often
I've stayed away from it for years now
because I a don't understand the stuff
the ingredients are not clear (for me)

The obvious ones
White wine vinegar
redwine vinegar
cider vinegar
I choose to stay away from

I really dont understand
what the distillation and fermentation process
means for me

malt, balsamic, rice all vinegars

At the end of the day
the amount of vinegar
I would put on or use
in recipes is small, almost non existant
1 teaspoon !?
but I would know its there

So I ask whats you experience?
Those who cook
what do you use?
what process have you gone through to
choose your vinegar?

Is there an alternative?

Even though you tell me
I may still be left in confusion
and continue just to miss it out
but I do value your experiences

thanks

Warrior of Light - More Paulo Coehlo, and some of my truth today

The Warrior of Light and the new year Issue nº 163

Knowing how to wait
The Warrior of Light needs time to himself. And he uses this time to rest and contemplate and contact the Soul of the World. He manages to meditate even in the middle of a combat.

On some occasions the warrior sits down, relaxes and lets everything that is happening around him go on happening. He looks around him as if he were a spectator, does not try to grow or diminish, just commits himself unresistingly to the movement of life.

Little by little everything that seemed so complicated becomes simple. And the warrior becomes happy.

Discovering the objective
When we want something, the whole Universe conspires in our favor. The Warrior of Light knows this.

That is why he takes great care with his thoughts. Hiding under a bunch of good intentions are desires that no-one dares confess to themselves: vengeance, self-destruction, guilt, fear of victory, macabre happiness at the tragedy of others.

The Universe does not judge: it conspires in favor of what we want. That is why the warrior is brave enough to look at the shadows of his soul and tries to illuminate them with the light of pardon.

The Warrior of Light is the master of his thoughts.

Understanding routine
There are moments when the warrior’s path goes through periods of routine. Then he applies a lesson given by Nachman of Bratzlav:

"If you can’t manage to concentrate, or if you are bothered about your day, you should repeat just one simple word, because that does the soul good. Don’t say anything else, just repeat that word no end of times without stopping. It will eventually lose its meaning, and then take on new significance. God will open the doors and you will end up using that simple word to express all that you wanted.”

When the warrior is forced to perform the same task over and over again, he uses this tactic and turns his work into prayer.

Celebrating the year that is ending
The warrior has lived each and every day of the year that has gone by, and even though he has lost some great battles, he has survived and here he is. This is a victory. This victory has cost many difficult moments, nights of doubts, endless days of waiting. Since ancient times, celebrating a triumph has been part of the ritual of life itself.

Commemorating is a rite of passage.

His companions look at the happiness of the Warrior of Light and think to themselves: “why does he do this? He could be beaten in his next combat. He may provoke the enemy’s fury.”

But the warrior knows the reason for his gesture. He gains strength from the best present that victory can offer: confidence.

The warrior celebrates the year that has come to an end so he can be stronger for tomorrow’s battles.

Johno's notes to self
Yesterdays history
tomorrows a mystery
todays a gift
thats why they call it the present
There is no fear in the present moment
unless you are being persued by a preditor
You can start your day/year/month any time you like
it doesnt have to be ruled by the "gregorian" calender

More notes
I am afraid today
God please remove my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be
Thoughts passing through...
1. I want to feel alive
2. What can I take?
3. How can I get out of it (exam)
4. what if I fail?
5. Pull the duvet up more
6. Dont go to work!

Yeh I didnt go to work
woke up sick and afraid
resentment affects me physically
even when mentally and spiritually am on track
the physical... gives up
whatever!!
I needed the rest
Boss said... you need to be fit for youre xam!!
(I said yeh but, I need to be fit for work!)
Boss said, no worries, just so long as your fit for the xam!

See its true
When my motives are (on the whole) good...
The whole universe conspires to help me
it seems
I dont know why am sick, in the mouth
its not teeth its gummmms

Am off now, swill some salt
no more blogging till I have attempted
some writing!! PLEASE

It COULD just be one of them bugs going around!
I am a human after all... at times

I dont want to take ANYTHING
I don't do pills or potions atall
prescribed or over the counter
its just NOT my thing
Vitamin C slow release
is about as far as it goes
every now and then, when the onset of a cold starts
headaches and general pains, lethergy are usually down to
not doing step 10's and too many biscuits
dehydration, tiredness and hunger, and exhaustion
which I havent dealt with over a few days
resting on laurels around inventory and H.A.L.T
I find

Perhaps as I get older I will be forced to change
I dunno, again, wait and see
Perhaps I am the only one in the world that doesnt
do herbal remedies
well I do in away, but I make them up myself
fresh, ginger, lemon... ingredients like that
And I may be missing out
But well, I feel ok about it really
Having said all that
All suggestions are appreciated
keep the coming
I dont know when I may need them :)

Thanks for the encouragement friends :D

Aduki Bean Stew & Millet Mash

Loads of good ingredients
but not really that tastey when it was all done

I can see how
I can improve on it next time
less water in the mash

I have to say
the food is filling
and I dont want to snack straight after
but its not delicious and grabbing me
Sorry Gillian!

I will keep on
another bout of the above today

then find another couple of
recipes for next week

Didnt eat breakfast today
Had a starbucks chai latte
and some pringles...
and a boaght cheese and pickle sandwich
not for breakfast i m,ight add... all that in the early evening

Its the bread and sugar I need to watch
I get really tired after
REALLY tired

Also need to find something to eat
on the move thats not bread

Haricot Bean Loaf

yeh I tried a new recipe
theres something about spending time with my brother
a chef, with a passion for food
you should have seen the LIGHT chocolate cakes
we had over christmas
he makes then SO EFFORTLESSLY... so flippin yummy
if fact all his cooking is done efforlessly
he is planning 3 or four days before
what we are going to have...
frustrating at times, BUT its his life
he is, food is, preparation is, in him

So i who also love cooking
always come back with some inspiration
and motivation
and change in the food, culinary, nutrition dept
he has everything to keep it simple
yet not mountains of electrical items
simple utensils and baking stuff
that I had no idea how they worked

I just chucked out yet more stuff from home
charity shop etc
am really clearing out since coming home
and as Gillian McKeith said
clear out the clutter in the kitchen
I have stuff I have been given
bought with someone else
etc etc, an have no idea
whats in half my cupboards at the back
So I am being ruthless
and at the same time
went an bought in the sales
some new things which will inspire
and make me feel good to be using them
and want to use them
only some pans, a bamboo chopping board
some scales and baking trays
but me... i got excited!

and then out 3 trips
to get the ingredients to make
Haricot Bean Loaf
i forgot the list
then couldnt carry all my shoppping
but it didnt matter
I was making progress
No-one had any ginger until 7pm i found some
and then later got down to make it and
I couldnt find oat bran
so used some old porridge oats in the cupboard
and picked enough bran out of my brakfast cereal!
I have no idea, do I care? NO cooking needs to be fun
I didnt add any thing crazy did I!
then I read, Place ...... in a feood processor...
oh well... i havent got one!
yeh I wanted to just give up
but I didnt
I know from experience, my own
it doesnt have to be perfect
to taste good
I mushed it all by hand as IMPROVISE!
ended up eating around 9pm... oh well
I made a serious attempt!
the ingredients are all there
I improvised and God It tasted yummy and there
is plenty for today and tomorrow
It tastes yummy how it is
imagine how it would be if I has ALL the right equip?

Good for the brain
Good for studying
Good for the emotional, physical, spiritual
Soul Food!

How hard to find ginger, yoga and bed sheets... and studying

yeh I tried a new recipe
theres something about spending time with my brother
a chef, with a passion for food
you should have seen the LIGHT chocolate cakes
we had over christmas
he makes then SO EFFORTLESSLY... so flippin yummy
if fact all his cooking is done efforlessly
he is planning 3 or four days before
what we are going to have...
frustrating at times, BUT its his life
he is, food is, preparation is, in him

So i who also love cooking
always come back with some inspiration
and motivation
and change in the food, culinary, nutrition dept
he has everything to keep it simple
yet not mountains of electrical items
simple utensils and baking stuff
that I had no idea how they worked

I just chucked out yet more stuff from home
charity shop etc
am really clearing out since coming home
and as Gillian McKeith said
clear out the clutter in the kitchen
I have stuff I have been given
bought with someone else
etc etc, an have no idea
whats in half my cupboards at the back
So I am being ruthless
and at the same time
went an bought in the sales
some new things which will inspire
and make me feel good to be using them
and want to use them
only some pans, a bamboo chopping board
some scales and baking trays
but me... i got excited!

and then out 3 trips
to get the ingredients to make
Haricot Bean Loaf
i forgot the list
then couldnt carry all my shoppping
but it didnt matter
I was making progress
No-one had any ginger until 7pm i found some
and then later got down to make it and
I couldnt find oat bran
so used some old porridge oats in the cupboard
and picked enough bran out of my brakfast cereal!
I have no idea, do I care? NO cooking needs to be fun
I didnt add any thing crazy did I!
then I read, Place ...... in a feood processor...
oh well... i havent got one!
yeh I wanted to just give up
but I didnt
I know from experience, my own
it doesnt have to be perfect
to taste good
I mushed it all by hand as IMPROVISE!
ended up eating around 9pm... oh well
I made a serious attempt!
the ingredients are all there
I improvised and God It tasted yummy and there
is plenty for today and tomorrow
It tastes yummy how it is
imagine how it would be if I has ALL the right equip?

Good for the brain
Good for studying
Good for the emotional, physical, spiritual
Soul Food!

I treated myself to some 400 count sheets
a holiday gift to me
and spent time yesterday evening ironing them!
along with duvet
my bed is so luxurious
it was a pleasure to get in! and out of
I am looking for 600 count in the sales

Tried yoga at the gym this morning
Hatha yoga, I am used to Iyengar
and obviously the teacher was different
change is good, I have to re-learn
trust, listening and self awareness
in a different environment
but it came easier, I feel easier

All this is good progress
whats missing?

STUDYING!! I must study
I am putting blogging, and thinking before
studying, So I must try and change this a little
Exam on the 17th, I must prepare
Back to basics

Have a good sunday
The sun is shining here

A new years decision - I am what I eat

I am not one for new years resolutions
So instead, I have made a decision
Its not really out of the blue
I have been thinking for a while to change my
eating habits again
allways improvements can be made

A new blog to track what happens
I have no idea whats going to happen
but seems like a good idea today

I've been down the gyn today
So am off now
to buy some food
start this thing

The idea is to stay off meat
Why? it feels the right thing to do
I am very lethargic when I eat meat
red meat that is
I eat red meat about 6 times a year
so am not really afflicted
BUT I can a KFC habit 1-2 times a week
late at night
which I want to kick into touch
moving flats isnt really
what I want to do to avoid the KFC!!

ok
i'm off to the charity shop
I found a copy of the book
Eat Right for your type
So i'm off to pick it up!

Also I got bought
Gillian McKeiths's book too
So am in for an interesting time of it!

A new years decision - You are what you eat... H.A.L.T.

the last 12 weeks
I have really seen how
DIET thats diet generally, not the slimming kind
really affects me positively
mental, physical and ultimately spiritually

I have made a decision
and accept it will be progress not perfection
to make a serious effort in changing
and improving what I eat

I have to say, I do eat better than most
however there are improvements which can be made

I used to eat 90% organic
convincing myself it really did balance out
all excessive vodka and wine
even organic... natural ? wines P31
well it did balance it... didnt it?

Pre recovery, I ended up malnourished
with no diet really
just eating barely enough
not unlike many practicing alkys

Early recovery
I was afraid to go in supermarkets
the booze aisle shouting out COME AND GET IT
I relied on takeaways KFC's and sandwiches
anythings better than nothing

When I did get my enthusiasm for cooking
resentment set in
I couldnt add redwine or alcohol to anything
even though some say it cook out
(its my choice... I have to live with my head)
so I didnt do anything

A couple of years ago
I realised... one of those God moments
that I didnt have to change everything
Just try with breakast
So I set out on a hunt to find a breakfast
I like which is "healthy"
And I still eat tat breakfast today
Its £4 a box
But to me, its pretty worth it
I like it, I eat it and its good for me
I have to warm the soya milk up
cos I am ? whatever it dont matter
whetver gets me eating healthy
Just 'uckin do it!
Cold milk is not attrcative to me first thing in the morning
So why FORCE myself
I have to make eating enjoyable to me
or I dont do it! its true

Do I eat a healthy breakfast every day?
No but I do eat breakfast everyday
either before I leave
at work
or grabbing something unhealthy before 10am
mostly its the healthy option
as I have more time and take more time
on being good to me
and I do say no to the unhealthy option more
Am blessed at work to have
fridges and cupboards micro's and dishwashers
so there is no excuse really
but I accept progress not perfection
so I blame no-one if H.A.L.T.
HUNGRY leads to brainfuzz
or easily distracted or self pity
or oversensitiveness

Where am I going with this?
less meat
more veg or the like
I definitely feel better

I spent the last 2 weeks
with carnivores to the extreme
holiday season in Sth Africa
is Braai's big style meat meat meat
thankfully there was a vegetarian
in amonsgt us so I got balance

But it made me think
I don't want to randomly hit and miss
the other 2 meals or the other stuff I eat
I need and would like more structure

The eating right for your type
depending on your blood type
diet keeps popping up
so am looking into this at the moment
and will let you know how I get on

Did I go to any meetings out there
None
Did I miss it ?
I dont think so
Yeh I could have gone to do service
But I realise service doesnt just happen in meetings
I help the newcomer plenty and will continue to
I feel no guilt. Do I?

step 10's and prayers
a heap of tools, like
restaint of tongue and prayer
praying for people
letting go of defects
an attitude of service
obviously the essential mental defence
which has and is in place
BUT NEEDS MAINTAINING


Usually I gag to get back to a meeting
post holiday
a feeling I have to
but not this time
Am I cured ? no definitely not
but the need for a meeting to get me back
in... in to what? am note sure of that either
on track, into routine, grounded I suppose
am not sure I havent been grounded all the way
through these few weeks
practicing with the tools I had
and trusting God at all times
Not taking risks
and trying to be of maximum helpfulness
at all times
even if that meant stepping away from a situation
and washing up and a unearthly hour
I returened with a different head
and there were was clean dishes in the morning
I love the win win actions

I definitely think being reminded
I am powerless over alcohol
Not sick anymore
has changed my thinking yet again
mobile phones and text/sms's
means the fellowship is always near

Anyway enough for me
I'm off to roast some veg
its cold and wintery here
I have been back and took a bag of
clothes to the charity shop
thrown out a few things
and stocked up my fridge
and thrown out a few old ideas

So the decision has been made
Step 3 on this area of my life
Turned it over and willing to improve
2008 a year of being good to me
Cos i'm worth it

Turn it up loud
and enjoy
Recovery rocks!!
So does Tina ... Go Girl
Better be good to me