its not just newcomers
Its old timers aswell
Destroyed without picking up a drink
AA is not a dating agency
AA is not a cure
12 steps are not just something to
Read and understand
This way of life is not a theory
We have to live it
Watching and listening
How co dependency
Or the belief that human power
Can relieve alcoholism
And the breaking of anonimity
And sexual obsession
weaves its threads
And eats away at whats been built
Sadly it reflects the importance
Of continue to be honest
Maintain
And grow
Change
In all our life areas
Dont just stop when alcohol
Obsession stops
We can be better in all areas
Showing posts with label Self Restraint. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self Restraint. Show all posts
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Working with others... Quietens obsessions...
Take out the word sex
Replace with whatever
Yer obsession is at the moment...
Whatever requires self restraint against
And Power from something greater
Than my yourself
To sum up about sex:
We earnestly pray for the right ideal,
for guidance in each questionable situation,
for sanity, and for the strength
to do the right thing.
If sex is very troublesome,
we throw ourselves the harder
into helping others.
We think of their needs
and work for them.
This takes us out of ourselves.
It quiets the imperious urge,
when to yield would mean heartache.
P70
So working with others
Along with praying
For it to be lifted
simply be the
Answer to my current
Obsession
Fancied or real
Which alone i am unable
To resolve
Practice these principles
In all my affairs... Life areas
step 12
Day at a time
Analysis paralysis
Replace with whatever
Yer obsession is at the moment...
Whatever requires self restraint against
And Power from something greater
Than my yourself
To sum up about sex:
We earnestly pray for the right ideal,
for guidance in each questionable situation,
for sanity, and for the strength
to do the right thing.
If sex is very troublesome,
we throw ourselves the harder
into helping others.
We think of their needs
and work for them.
This takes us out of ourselves.
It quiets the imperious urge,
when to yield would mean heartache.
P70
So working with others
Along with praying
For it to be lifted
simply be the
Answer to my current
Obsession
Fancied or real
Which alone i am unable
To resolve
Practice these principles
In all my affairs... Life areas
step 12
Day at a time
Analysis paralysis
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Just for today.... Restraint of tongue and pen
Just for Today
Pick one and try and practice it
Just for today
I will exercise my soul in three ways.
I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out;
if anybody knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just recently
I have been noticing
that I am leaning on approval seeking
with someone at work
and almost pushing boundaries again
like a child
old behaviour
and seeing what reaction I get
and there is none!
so my cunning plan doesnt work
disease
dis-ease in me schemes
my feelings have been hurt
my ambition
my financial security
my personal relations
have all been threatened
or so my self centred fear tells me
So my focus for the 24 hours or so is
just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
restraint of tongue and pen and email
Think Think Think
before speaking... ask myself
does it need to be said now?
does it need to be said by me?
Is it helpful to the situation?
it all takes practice
and I need to be reminded to practice it :)
Pick one and try and practice it
Just for today
I will exercise my soul in three ways.
I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out;
if anybody knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just recently
I have been noticing
that I am leaning on approval seeking
with someone at work
and almost pushing boundaries again
like a child
old behaviour
and seeing what reaction I get
and there is none!
so my cunning plan doesnt work
disease
dis-ease in me schemes
my feelings have been hurt
my ambition
my financial security
my personal relations
have all been threatened
or so my self centred fear tells me
So my focus for the 24 hours or so is
just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
restraint of tongue and pen and email
Think Think Think
before speaking... ask myself
does it need to be said now?
does it need to be said by me?
Is it helpful to the situation?
it all takes practice
and I need to be reminded to practice it :)
Monday, December 15, 2008
ordinary living
not sure
where I am at
So I am not saying very much at the moment
just doing the actions
in all areas
not really thinking
much
back to prayer
and learning who God is!
and how he lived and died
part of me is feeling peaceful
and part of me is standing with the challenge
faith is huge
I know that I can make it (with You)
though theyre doing me wrong
something inside is strong
and prayer is keeping me strong inside
keeping the light shining brightly
though it flickers and almost snuffs out (it feels)
even when though outside seems hard and emotionless
yet really it is burning steadily
even when I dont think it is
something inside so strong
IT IS
is this for real? yes
in whose name?
faith and prayer
allows me to do things with dignity
i have no idea why I am being asked
to do these things
gonna do it anyway
where I am at
So I am not saying very much at the moment
just doing the actions
in all areas
not really thinking
much
back to prayer
and learning who God is!
and how he lived and died
part of me is feeling peaceful
and part of me is standing with the challenge
faith is huge
I know that I can make it (with You)
though theyre doing me wrong
something inside is strong
and prayer is keeping me strong inside
keeping the light shining brightly
though it flickers and almost snuffs out (it feels)
even when though outside seems hard and emotionless
yet really it is burning steadily
even when I dont think it is
something inside so strong
IT IS
is this for real? yes
in whose name?
faith and prayer
allows me to do things with dignity
i have no idea why I am being asked
to do these things
gonna do it anyway
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Self Restraint - Daily Reflection
Daily reflections Blog
Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint.TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91
My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for self-examination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting.
I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to live the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my work station, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day.
AA Daily Reflections Book
Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint.TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91
My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for self-examination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting.
I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to live the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my work station, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day.
AA Daily Reflections Book
Monday, August 25, 2008
Humbled by the extraordinariness that my life is - compared to what it was
my efforts - willingness
and its/his Power
combined
create the extraordinary
I feel humble
and grateful to be
within the realm of the King of Goodliness
Matt Redman - Facedown
Someone once said to me
God wants his family back
like a father
today my Dad
offered to come and help with my house move
this is extraordinary!
and yet to many it will not appear that way
See God had created what to
many will seem ordinary
ordinary life
ordinary experiences
but to me
it feels very special
its worked for
with good motives
a few days ago
I said marriage and kids
may make my life perfect
I think
having my dad in my life
is more important today
I had accepted that the distant
and muted life we share.. was it
and I pray for them both often
restraint and tolerence and patience
and love
and see... what happens
perhaps they just didnt like where I live
and have been wishing for
me in the same way for not changing
and they having to accept my ways...
excersizing their own restraint
tolerence patience and love
somehow without argument...
excersizing live and let live
and giving time time
we may have finally found some middle ground
geographically speaking
6 out of the last 7 working days
I have arrived early
at work...
I dropped off the early meetings
wed/thursday/friday last week
wed/thurs still got in early
but it was a struggle
Friday, I was well late!!
proves to me yet again
I cant do this on my own
I revert back...
today I did some shopping
in between the meeting and work
and still arrived early
now thats what I call
a flippin miracle!
and its/his Power
combined
create the extraordinary
I feel humble
and grateful to be
within the realm of the King of Goodliness
Matt Redman - Facedown
Someone once said to me
God wants his family back
like a father
today my Dad
offered to come and help with my house move
this is extraordinary!
and yet to many it will not appear that way
See God had created what to
many will seem ordinary
ordinary life
ordinary experiences
but to me
it feels very special
its worked for
with good motives
a few days ago
I said marriage and kids
may make my life perfect
I think
having my dad in my life
is more important today
I had accepted that the distant
and muted life we share.. was it
and I pray for them both often
restraint and tolerence and patience
and love
and see... what happens
perhaps they just didnt like where I live
and have been wishing for
me in the same way for not changing
and they having to accept my ways...
excersizing their own restraint
tolerence patience and love
somehow without argument...
excersizing live and let live
and giving time time
we may have finally found some middle ground
geographically speaking
6 out of the last 7 working days
I have arrived early
at work...
I dropped off the early meetings
wed/thursday/friday last week
wed/thurs still got in early
but it was a struggle
Friday, I was well late!!
proves to me yet again
I cant do this on my own
I revert back...
today I did some shopping
in between the meeting and work
and still arrived early
now thats what I call
a flippin miracle!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
HIV "a living death" is not just a Gay or African problem
I was watching Charlie Wilsons War tonight
which I found really
interesting, informative and entertaining
a snap shot into
world politics and stuff
red tape and well how it !? works
Here's more on it
and this UNICEF clip was at the start
it made me think...
about education
is prevention cheaper than "cure/treatment"?
taking of responsibility
take care
take responsibility
because the other person may not have
They have a new attitude,
and they have been saved from a living death.P150
Condoms save lives
as does self restraint
I also wonder whether we are
really meant to stop all this
is it possible?
like is touched on in the film above
on another subject
we find some problem, go in and "fix" it
but what happens next?
what happens for the next 100 years?
will we ever really know what Gods Will is?
whose to say Gods will is to prevent or to cure?
in a world of imperfect humans like me
who have good intentions
and at times fall short
the consequences can be GLOBAL
we can only try and keep our side of the street clean
and help others
Narrated by Gwyneth Paltrow, The Gift is a dramatisation of a new poem by Simon Armitage, to highlight UNICEF UK's Born Free from HIV campaign.
Almost every minute of every day, a baby is born with HIV, passed on by their mother. This is because only one in five mothers with HIV receive the right medicine and care to prevent passing on the virus to their babies.
But it doesn't have to be like this. There is an effective treatment, costing less than £1, which can prevent a mother passing HIV to her baby. With the right medicine and care, more than 98 per cent of mothers with HIV do not pass the virus to their baby.
With your help, the Born Free from HIV campaign aims to ensure that all mothers with HIV receive this medicine and care. We want world leaders to keep their promise, made at the G8 Summit in 2007, to ensure that all babies are born free from HIV.
To find out more, visit:
www.unicef.org.uk/youthvoice and www.unicef.org.uk/thegift.
which I found really
interesting, informative and entertaining
a snap shot into
world politics and stuff
red tape and well how it !? works
Here's more on it
and this UNICEF clip was at the start
it made me think...
about education
is prevention cheaper than "cure/treatment"?
taking of responsibility
take care
take responsibility
because the other person may not have
They have a new attitude,
and they have been saved from a living death.P150
Condoms save lives
as does self restraint
I also wonder whether we are
really meant to stop all this
is it possible?
like is touched on in the film above
on another subject
we find some problem, go in and "fix" it
but what happens next?
what happens for the next 100 years?
will we ever really know what Gods Will is?
whose to say Gods will is to prevent or to cure?
in a world of imperfect humans like me
who have good intentions
and at times fall short
the consequences can be GLOBAL
we can only try and keep our side of the street clean
and help others
Narrated by Gwyneth Paltrow, The Gift is a dramatisation of a new poem by Simon Armitage, to highlight UNICEF UK's Born Free from HIV campaign.
Almost every minute of every day, a baby is born with HIV, passed on by their mother. This is because only one in five mothers with HIV receive the right medicine and care to prevent passing on the virus to their babies.
But it doesn't have to be like this. There is an effective treatment, costing less than £1, which can prevent a mother passing HIV to her baby. With the right medicine and care, more than 98 per cent of mothers with HIV do not pass the virus to their baby.
With your help, the Born Free from HIV campaign aims to ensure that all mothers with HIV receive this medicine and care. We want world leaders to keep their promise, made at the G8 Summit in 2007, to ensure that all babies are born free from HIV.
To find out more, visit:
www.unicef.org.uk/youthvoice and www.unicef.org.uk/thegift.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Self Restraint & Practicing these Principles - A fearless & faithful way of life
The Warrior of Light Issue no. 174
The Warrior of Light and renunciation
“In any activity, we have to know what to expect, the means to reach our objective, and the capacity we possess for the proposed task.”
“The only one who can say that he has renounced the fruits is he who, being thus equipped, feels no desire for the results of the conquest, and remains absorbed in combat.”
"You can renounce the fruit, but this renunciation does not mean indifference towards the result.”
This strategy belongs to Mahatma Gandhi. The Warrior of Light listens with respect and does not allow himself to be confused by people who are incapable of reaching any result and always preach renunciation.
I love Paulo Coehlo
Renouncing vengeance
The Warrior of Light holds the sword in his hands. He is the one who decides what he is going to do, and what he will not do in any circumstances. There are moments when life leads him to a crisis: he is forced to divorce himself from things he has always loved.
Then the Warrior reflects. He assesses whether he is fulfilling God’s will or if he is acting through egoism. If separation is really the path he must follow, he accepts it without complaining.
However, if this separation is provoked by the perversity of others, then he implacable in his answer.
The Warrior possesses the art of the blow and the art of pardon. He knows how to use both with equal skill.
Renouncing provocation
The experienced fighter endures insults; he knows the strength of his fist and the efficacy of his blows. In front of the ill-prepared opponent, he merely contemplates and shows his strength through his look. He wins without needing to take the fight to the physical level.
As the Warrior of Light learns from his spiritual master, the light of faith also shines in his eyes and he does not need to prove anything to anyone. The aggressive arguments presented by the opponent - saying that God is superstition, that miracles are tricks, that believing in angels is fleeing from reality – are of no importance.
Like the fighter, the Warrior of Light is aware of his immense strength, and will never fight with anyone who does not deserve the honor of combat.
Renouncing time
The Warrior of Light listens to Lao Tzu when he says that we must detach ourselves from the idea of days and hours and pay more and more attention to the minutes.
Only in this way will he manage to resolve certain problems before they happen. By paying attention to the small things, he manages to protect himself from the great calamities.
But to think about the small things does not mean to think small. The Warrior knows that a great dream is made of many different things, just as the light of the sun is the sum of its millions of beams.
Renouncing comfort
The Warrior of Light contemplates the two columns beside the door he plans to open. One is called Fear, the other Desire.
The Warrior looks at the column of Fear, where he reads: "you are about to enter an unknown and dangerous world where all that you have learned up to now will be of no use whatsoever.”
The Warrior of Light looks at the column of Desire, where he reads: "you are about to leave a known world where all the things you always wanted and all that you have fought so hard for are kept.”
The Warrior smiles, because nothing can frighten him and nothing can hold him. With the confidence of those who know what they want, he opens the door.
The Warrior of Light and renunciation
“In any activity, we have to know what to expect, the means to reach our objective, and the capacity we possess for the proposed task.”
“The only one who can say that he has renounced the fruits is he who, being thus equipped, feels no desire for the results of the conquest, and remains absorbed in combat.”
"You can renounce the fruit, but this renunciation does not mean indifference towards the result.”
This strategy belongs to Mahatma Gandhi. The Warrior of Light listens with respect and does not allow himself to be confused by people who are incapable of reaching any result and always preach renunciation.
I love Paulo Coehlo
Renouncing vengeance
The Warrior of Light holds the sword in his hands. He is the one who decides what he is going to do, and what he will not do in any circumstances. There are moments when life leads him to a crisis: he is forced to divorce himself from things he has always loved.
Then the Warrior reflects. He assesses whether he is fulfilling God’s will or if he is acting through egoism. If separation is really the path he must follow, he accepts it without complaining.
However, if this separation is provoked by the perversity of others, then he implacable in his answer.
The Warrior possesses the art of the blow and the art of pardon. He knows how to use both with equal skill.
Renouncing provocation
The experienced fighter endures insults; he knows the strength of his fist and the efficacy of his blows. In front of the ill-prepared opponent, he merely contemplates and shows his strength through his look. He wins without needing to take the fight to the physical level.
As the Warrior of Light learns from his spiritual master, the light of faith also shines in his eyes and he does not need to prove anything to anyone. The aggressive arguments presented by the opponent - saying that God is superstition, that miracles are tricks, that believing in angels is fleeing from reality – are of no importance.
Like the fighter, the Warrior of Light is aware of his immense strength, and will never fight with anyone who does not deserve the honor of combat.
Renouncing time
The Warrior of Light listens to Lao Tzu when he says that we must detach ourselves from the idea of days and hours and pay more and more attention to the minutes.
Only in this way will he manage to resolve certain problems before they happen. By paying attention to the small things, he manages to protect himself from the great calamities.
But to think about the small things does not mean to think small. The Warrior knows that a great dream is made of many different things, just as the light of the sun is the sum of its millions of beams.
Renouncing comfort
The Warrior of Light contemplates the two columns beside the door he plans to open. One is called Fear, the other Desire.
The Warrior looks at the column of Fear, where he reads: "you are about to enter an unknown and dangerous world where all that you have learned up to now will be of no use whatsoever.”
The Warrior of Light looks at the column of Desire, where he reads: "you are about to leave a known world where all the things you always wanted and all that you have fought so hard for are kept.”
The Warrior smiles, because nothing can frighten him and nothing can hold him. With the confidence of those who know what they want, he opens the door.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I am feeling afraid
I am feeling afraid
of people
places
and things
this is not rational fear?
Fear of the credit crunch
Fear that I am being sexually harassed
Fear of looking for a new job
Fear of what people think of me
Fear of the unknown
Fear that I have this aversion to looking at my study books forever!
Notice that the word 'fear' is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. P67
God please remove my fear
and direct my attention to
what YOU would have me be.. P68
I am pre menstrual
I am tired
I am trying self restraint
I have an amend to make tomorrow
From something I said today
Stems from me being a hypocrite
and being oversensitive today
I am looking forward to seeing my dad
I haven't seen him since January
and I just found out
my brother and his family
may be coming to europe!
I am quietly very happy
and at the same times
not counting chickens...
I have grown to love him so much :)
Trying to sort out a straggle of
mums estate
which will come in handy for both of us
I have been praying for what
she and God would like me
to spend her money on
and an answer keeps coming up
I will keep praying
for guidance
Inspite of this turbulence
keeping on
been to the gym again
and feeling ok
doing the new programme
arm feels NOT BAD!!
Thank you
This all too shall pass!
No human power can change the way I feel
This is a time of recovery
Assume the position!
The recovery position
Its prayer we need
have a good weekend all!!
of people
places
and things
this is not rational fear?
Fear of the credit crunch
Fear that I am being sexually harassed
Fear of looking for a new job
Fear of what people think of me
Fear of the unknown
Fear that I have this aversion to looking at my study books forever!
Notice that the word 'fear' is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. P67
God please remove my fear
and direct my attention to
what YOU would have me be.. P68
I am pre menstrual
I am tired
I am trying self restraint
I have an amend to make tomorrow
From something I said today
Stems from me being a hypocrite
and being oversensitive today
I am looking forward to seeing my dad
I haven't seen him since January
and I just found out
my brother and his family
may be coming to europe!
I am quietly very happy
and at the same times
not counting chickens...
I have grown to love him so much :)
Trying to sort out a straggle of
mums estate
which will come in handy for both of us
I have been praying for what
she and God would like me
to spend her money on
and an answer keeps coming up
I will keep praying
for guidance
Inspite of this turbulence
keeping on
been to the gym again
and feeling ok
doing the new programme
arm feels NOT BAD!!
Thank you
This all too shall pass!
No human power can change the way I feel
This is a time of recovery
Assume the position!
The recovery position
Its prayer we need
have a good weekend all!!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Like clockwork - set your clock Johno - take responsibility from today
28 days ago
tuesday 28 days previous
3 months evidence is enough!
I have managed to get someones back up
amends have been made
I am not perfect at restraint of tongue and pen
though I do try
BUT I have not kept a check on my pmt
therefore I take a certain amount of reponsibility
even though I am aware of how destructive
my tongue and pen and keyboard
can be during this time
Flippin 'eck
the road gets narrower
when I know better
I really do have a responsibility
to do better!!!
The innocent deserve to be protected!
how much longer do I want to spend
taking my own inventory on this same old same old?
not much!!
then Do Not delay!
ok, enough analysis - THERE IS A SOLUTION!
Do I have a desire to stop all this
this randomness and lashing my keyboard/tongue/attitude
when I know damn well what causing it?
Yes I have a desire!
Take steps & hand it over to a power greater than me!
1. pmt screwing my thinking & my tongue & keyboard became unmanageable
2. do i believe it will make a diference if I diarise ? yes
3. Am I willing to diarise it and take responsibility
now I know what the solution is? yes
4. what is the root cause of all this? sloth and self will
I havent bothered & I think I can remember
5. I've told you & god
6. Am I willing to hand it over to the diary and do the right thing? or continue in the way I have been? yeh I want to change the things I can
7. Will I hand over all of me including my sloth and self will to God? yes
8. have I harmed anyone? yes
9. am I willing to make amends? yes I did already
10. will I continue to do this and if I dont, admit it? yeh ok!!
11. will I continue to seek out gods will in all areas and the power to carry it out? yes
12. Now I know how it works, will I pass it on, and practice these principles on all my difficulties in all my affairs? yes
I still have no desire... hmm when i was writing that I suddenly realised I am starting to have the desire to get in to work for 9am, cos I am theres abit of me that is wanting it and its growing. I am still praying twice a day for the willingness to change my attitude to 9am starts by the way. Both Monday and Today 9am starts!
There is no way anyone is going to convince me that praying doesnt work or there is no God!
The gifts of sobriety
progress not perfection
tuesday 28 days previous
3 months evidence is enough!
I have managed to get someones back up
amends have been made
I am not perfect at restraint of tongue and pen
though I do try
BUT I have not kept a check on my pmt
therefore I take a certain amount of reponsibility
even though I am aware of how destructive
my tongue and pen and keyboard
can be during this time
Flippin 'eck
the road gets narrower
when I know better
I really do have a responsibility
to do better!!!
The innocent deserve to be protected!
how much longer do I want to spend
taking my own inventory on this same old same old?
not much!!
then Do Not delay!
ok, enough analysis - THERE IS A SOLUTION!
Do I have a desire to stop all this
this randomness and lashing my keyboard/tongue/attitude
when I know damn well what causing it?
Yes I have a desire!
Take steps & hand it over to a power greater than me!
1. pmt screwing my thinking & my tongue & keyboard became unmanageable
2. do i believe it will make a diference if I diarise ? yes
3. Am I willing to diarise it and take responsibility
now I know what the solution is? yes
4. what is the root cause of all this? sloth and self will
I havent bothered & I think I can remember
5. I've told you & god
6. Am I willing to hand it over to the diary and do the right thing? or continue in the way I have been? yeh I want to change the things I can
7. Will I hand over all of me including my sloth and self will to God? yes
8. have I harmed anyone? yes
9. am I willing to make amends? yes I did already
10. will I continue to do this and if I dont, admit it? yeh ok!!
11. will I continue to seek out gods will in all areas and the power to carry it out? yes
12. Now I know how it works, will I pass it on, and practice these principles on all my difficulties in all my affairs? yes
I still have no desire... hmm when i was writing that I suddenly realised I am starting to have the desire to get in to work for 9am, cos I am theres abit of me that is wanting it and its growing. I am still praying twice a day for the willingness to change my attitude to 9am starts by the way. Both Monday and Today 9am starts!
There is no way anyone is going to convince me that praying doesnt work or there is no God!
The gifts of sobriety
progress not perfection
Thursday, January 03, 2008
The truth is now out
When the line goes
I spent Christmas at xxxx's mums
TRUTH just came up to my face and looked me in the eye
or jumped off the page
The truth hurts at times but I prefer to know
Its getting easier to find out sooner than later
My Interest has a significant other (groan)
So I have to let go (more groaning)
Well that is what God tells me
Hand it over
self wills creaking under the strain
I predict a riot!
So before it happend
I have to remind myself of the deal
I made to do the right thing
do anything as long as its not destructive
I added on the end of the
... to myself or others
I chose to try to walk the path of righteousness
Hand in Hand with the spirit of the Universe
not veer off into a dishonest
wrestling with a herd of pigs
when I can blatently see it ahead or next to me
I choose not to live infant..asy
old thinking
hanging on to what is not IN THE HERE AND NOW
there is no room for me
when there is someone else
and so I must not hang around
wishing and hoping or nudging along
there is no point and thats self will
I have done enough of this in the past
Self will run riot P62
Time to read Step 3 again and again and again
another desicion on yet another area of my life
First thought
Well have to cease all contact
Stop going where we both go
(which is where we met)
and sulk
There has been nothing going on
no flirting, I dont think so anyway
its just been simple really
and more friendly as times gone on
But I dont want to do any of that
First thought stuff ANYMORE
If I cease and avoid ALL people I get feelings for
I would have to live in Greenland
and even then the eskimo's would not be safe
So for now
I choose to keep on keeping on
grow this friendship
accept it as a friendship
and pray for my interest and
significant other, and wish them well
grit teeth initially, I know the praying
will get easier and it works
its true
No fantasy
no hanging around
If you love someone you have to let them go
if they are meant to come back... they will
its none of my business
I have no idea how cupid works... do you?
I know what the relationship is, boundaries are set
and its ok for it to stay that way
the friendship is growing and its lovely
If I can't handle it
or should I say my head cant handle it
then I have to be honest and walk away
Its worked in the past
It has to be done
again and again
It is the easier softer way
I have spent too long
hanging around waiting
or getting involved with
people in relationships
who think the grass is greener
or who I think there grass will be greener
and it isnt
Its a lie
I cant deal with the head 'uck
of a double life
or with someone else's double life
and its not what I agreed with God
when I did Step 4
I don't want to be like that anymore
being single
has its moments of self pity
but generally its far better and richer
being single and honest
than half measures in or out of dishonest fantasy
I cant do half measures
they avail me nothing!
Let Go and let God
ok, I have to pray for them for the next 2 weeks
twice a day or more if required
and see what happens
ultimately I am prepared after
going to anylengths
to walk down a different street
Is this what they mean by
the road gets narrower
and it gets more difficult
to NOT do the right thing?
More Growing up pains, I am feeling
I'm off down t'gym show off my tan
and good looks
see y'all
desperado... this is how I use to be
I am coming to my senses
These things that pleased me, hurt me
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can’t get
There's someone out here
I just haven't found 'em yet
or did I just let someone go a while back?
Cos I was just to scared to say what I wanted
and too sick at the time anyway
to have any hope of anything
but a hostage situation
I can see now
that its possible
to let someone in
and let them out again
God help me please
while i'm at the gym
help me process this stuff
I spent Christmas at xxxx's mums
TRUTH just came up to my face and looked me in the eye
or jumped off the page
The truth hurts at times but I prefer to know
Its getting easier to find out sooner than later
My Interest has a significant other (groan)
So I have to let go (more groaning)
Well that is what God tells me
Hand it over
self wills creaking under the strain
I predict a riot!
So before it happend
I have to remind myself of the deal
I made to do the right thing
do anything as long as its not destructive
I added on the end of the
... to myself or others
I chose to try to walk the path of righteousness
Hand in Hand with the spirit of the Universe
not veer off into a dishonest
wrestling with a herd of pigs
when I can blatently see it ahead or next to me
I choose not to live infant..asy
old thinking
hanging on to what is not IN THE HERE AND NOW
there is no room for me
when there is someone else
and so I must not hang around
wishing and hoping or nudging along
there is no point and thats self will
I have done enough of this in the past
Self will run riot P62
Time to read Step 3 again and again and again
another desicion on yet another area of my life
First thought
Well have to cease all contact
Stop going where we both go
(which is where we met)
and sulk
There has been nothing going on
no flirting, I dont think so anyway
its just been simple really
and more friendly as times gone on
But I dont want to do any of that
First thought stuff ANYMORE
If I cease and avoid ALL people I get feelings for
I would have to live in Greenland
and even then the eskimo's would not be safe
So for now
I choose to keep on keeping on
grow this friendship
accept it as a friendship
and pray for my interest and
significant other, and wish them well
grit teeth initially, I know the praying
will get easier and it works
its true
No fantasy
no hanging around
If you love someone you have to let them go
if they are meant to come back... they will
its none of my business
I have no idea how cupid works... do you?
I know what the relationship is, boundaries are set
and its ok for it to stay that way
the friendship is growing and its lovely
If I can't handle it
or should I say my head cant handle it
then I have to be honest and walk away
Its worked in the past
It has to be done
again and again
It is the easier softer way
I have spent too long
hanging around waiting
or getting involved with
people in relationships
who think the grass is greener
or who I think there grass will be greener
and it isnt
Its a lie
I cant deal with the head 'uck
of a double life
or with someone else's double life
and its not what I agreed with God
when I did Step 4
I don't want to be like that anymore
being single
has its moments of self pity
but generally its far better and richer
being single and honest
than half measures in or out of dishonest fantasy
I cant do half measures
they avail me nothing!
Let Go and let God
ok, I have to pray for them for the next 2 weeks
twice a day or more if required
and see what happens
ultimately I am prepared after
going to anylengths
to walk down a different street
Is this what they mean by
the road gets narrower
and it gets more difficult
to NOT do the right thing?
More Growing up pains, I am feeling
I'm off down t'gym show off my tan
and good looks
see y'all
desperado... this is how I use to be
I am coming to my senses
These things that pleased me, hurt me
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can’t get
There's someone out here
I just haven't found 'em yet
or did I just let someone go a while back?
Cos I was just to scared to say what I wanted
and too sick at the time anyway
to have any hope of anything
but a hostage situation
I can see now
that its possible
to let someone in
and let them out again
God help me please
while i'm at the gym
help me process this stuff
Sunday, October 14, 2007
A Taste of Honey, Tasting much Sweeter than Wine....
Been down the gym
then spent most of the day
writing an essay, in silence
tis done YAY
Silence, yeh, i couldnt find anything
to have on in the background
Today Silence was Golden
Tonights different
Theres been a load of programmes on TV
about Bob Dylan and folk music
for some reason, its been perfect background
for me tonight, another assignment done
Its not been an easy week
Abit like self knowledge is not enough...
I have all this new information
and no idea how to set it on paper LOL
Thankfully someone volunteered to show me
a method yesterday which I have followed today
structuring an argument and supporting it
Phew! not perfect I am sure
But for a first attempt, I am pleased
will read it again tomorrow
before handing it in Tuesday
Great weekend really
Homegroup Friday a late one!
Out with friends last night
feeling really ok
it seems ages since I drank alcohol
it seems alien that I drank alcohol
seems normal now to order water etc
got home and made a start on the essay
this is the freedom from bondage
to get home nearly midnight
and willingly make a start
just putting about 800words of
whatever was in there on paper
It made today so much easier
some of it was irrelevant
some was suprisingly ok!
Gym this morning
and then back on it
Course became my higher power earlier this week
or was it my primary purpose for living...
those days were very hard
gladly the hair shirt is off for the time being
and am wearing life a little more like a loose garment
I also became aware of a relatively new non AA person
who has been more in my thoughts and in front of me this week
more than usual i mean, i have known for a while now though
since being sober
The old habits, old ideas, reappeared
thankfully I see them coming, and how destructive they are
I didnt question, I am trying to live my ideals
not be ruled by my defects
so a new healthy relationship is happening
(no assumptions, no fantasy, no predictions, no mind reading)
a relationship which means talking to someone and listening LOL
friendship, intimacy, taking a risk
see how it goes
whatever happens, I will still breathe
A Taste of Honey popped into my head tonight
and it reminded me of a summer
when I was well into self harm
isolating and being an all round
miserable f*cked up teenager
I stayed at a friends grandparents in Heage
a village in Derbyshire for a weekend
All I remember is the sun shining all weekend
they have a really big lawn
and an old victorian house
massive greenhouse not quite as big as those pictured in the link!
and a croquet lawn
we went down to the village fete or something
I enjoyed it and also remember feeling disconnected
not present, numb
the garden, the green and the sunshine, feeling warm
really sticks out
and it was the year I first encounted
the Venus Flytrap!
An I only just as I got to the end of the post realised
whet the 2nd line of the song is!
so I added it in the title
THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES
Anyway thats enough tonight
One last assignment before bed
I will leave you with
the song that I first heard that weekend
played on an old 45rpm vinyl!
A Taste Of Honey - The Beatles
sadly its abit jumpy am afraid
then spent most of the day
writing an essay, in silence
tis done YAY
Silence, yeh, i couldnt find anything
to have on in the background
Today Silence was Golden
Tonights different
Theres been a load of programmes on TV
about Bob Dylan and folk music
for some reason, its been perfect background
for me tonight, another assignment done
Its not been an easy week
Abit like self knowledge is not enough...
I have all this new information
and no idea how to set it on paper LOL
Thankfully someone volunteered to show me
a method yesterday which I have followed today
structuring an argument and supporting it
Phew! not perfect I am sure
But for a first attempt, I am pleased
will read it again tomorrow
before handing it in Tuesday
Great weekend really
Homegroup Friday a late one!
Out with friends last night
feeling really ok
it seems ages since I drank alcohol
it seems alien that I drank alcohol
seems normal now to order water etc
got home and made a start on the essay
this is the freedom from bondage
to get home nearly midnight
and willingly make a start
just putting about 800words of
whatever was in there on paper
It made today so much easier
some of it was irrelevant
some was suprisingly ok!
Gym this morning
and then back on it
Course became my higher power earlier this week
or was it my primary purpose for living...
those days were very hard
gladly the hair shirt is off for the time being
and am wearing life a little more like a loose garment
I also became aware of a relatively new non AA person
who has been more in my thoughts and in front of me this week
more than usual i mean, i have known for a while now though
since being sober
The old habits, old ideas, reappeared
thankfully I see them coming, and how destructive they are
I didnt question, I am trying to live my ideals
not be ruled by my defects
so a new healthy relationship is happening
(no assumptions, no fantasy, no predictions, no mind reading)
a relationship which means talking to someone and listening LOL
friendship, intimacy, taking a risk
see how it goes
whatever happens, I will still breathe
A Taste of Honey popped into my head tonight
and it reminded me of a summer
when I was well into self harm
isolating and being an all round
miserable f*cked up teenager
I stayed at a friends grandparents in Heage
a village in Derbyshire for a weekend
All I remember is the sun shining all weekend
they have a really big lawn
and an old victorian house
massive greenhouse not quite as big as those pictured in the link!
and a croquet lawn
we went down to the village fete or something
I enjoyed it and also remember feeling disconnected
not present, numb
the garden, the green and the sunshine, feeling warm
really sticks out
and it was the year I first encounted
the Venus Flytrap!
An I only just as I got to the end of the post realised
whet the 2nd line of the song is!
so I added it in the title
THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES
Anyway thats enough tonight
One last assignment before bed
I will leave you with
the song that I first heard that weekend
played on an old 45rpm vinyl!
A Taste Of Honey - The Beatles
sadly its abit jumpy am afraid
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