keeping on

Its all abit different these days
A new freedom has come upon me
In the last month or so
another layer off the onion

God has led me into the desert
And the temptations have been upon me
The Spiritual Tool kit works
in extreme's

I've been to the edge
and there was no drink to be seen
no drink to get drunk on
just the edge and two choices

which is the most dangerous
at the edge with no drink
or at the edge with a drink to get drunk on
three choices

unfamiliar territory
in God land
had now become familiar
time to enjoy

relationships
its all about
relationships
communication
understanding

and hills
which hills to climb
which hills to climb and knowingly be slain on
which to climb in search of the promised land

Sober and grateful
time to find and maintain
the gratitude
smile and enjoy life

I can not be as serious as
2014/2015
bring back the uncontrollable laughter
in amongst lifes challenges

Half alive is not an option any more
Right size the fire extinguishers
Keep on asking, waiting, listening and doing
Just 'kin do it

... Honesty .... Honestly

its not just newcomers
Its old timers aswell
Destroyed without picking up a drink
AA is not a dating agency
AA is not a cure
12 steps are not just something to
Read and understand
This way of life is not a theory
We have to live it

Watching and listening
How co dependency
Or the belief that human power
Can relieve alcoholism
And the breaking of anonimity
And sexual obsession
weaves its threads
And eats away at whats been built

Sadly it reflects the importance
Of continue to be honest
Maintain
And grow
Change
In all our life areas
Dont just stop when alcohol
Obsession stops
We can be better in all areas

Why is it good for me to change and be changed ?

Self awareness? 
Knowing flaws and assets?
Working on current areas of life
..... where i fall short. 
Seeing and enjoying Where i fly.
Being honest.
Seeing self in... in my opinion
undignified, uncovered, unjustified,
undenied, stripped bare. 
Whats comfortable, what isnt?
What am i putting up with?
What am i slothfully loafing on...
....getting away with? 
What progress have i made?
What has become effortless? 

Why is that good for me to sit and answer these questions?
Walk into things which challenge
And scare me.... Not dangerously
Just things that create inside work on me... Work in progress

The truth sets me free...

Step 1 is about accepting powerless over my dependency....
And unmanageability ....

Ask for honesty around my condition... Whatever that condition/dependency/progress
 is today.

Ask to accept things 
i cannot change today
Enjoy the things 
i dont need to change
Ask for courage 
to change things i can 
Ask for wisdom to know 
the difference

Ask for power to carry out Loving Higher Powers will in area most needing to be addressed

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, 
and not tackle all my problems at once. 
I can do something for twelve hours that would 
appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Know i will not be given anything today i cannot handle
Know that i will be given exactly what i need today

Fear is simply a part of growing out of who i am into the person i am becoming... Part of a process

Letting go of People, places, things, actions, thoughts, behaviours, beliefs, opinions ... That hold us capture us 
Yet feel uncomfortable

Takes courage and effort

Ask for help from proven guide
Do whats suggested
Give time time
Dont quit before the miracle

Each small victory creates
A feeling of Wholeness :-)

It'll make my head spin
And
It'll makes my heart leap

Trust Loving God/Higher Power/programme/Spirit of the Universe that is good

Spiritual High's rock !!

Then repeat 

:-)

If i had a formula to create
A certain spiritual high when i wanted,
i am sure someone would sell it and
i would buy it over and over and
become greedy and dependent
Then would it be spiritual?
Or something else?
By nature spiritual high is spirit led,
good feeling, driven by love,
not created by humans
or in human timings yet
when we are willing to align ourselves
with the spirit of the universe,
let the spiritual surgery take place...
amazing things happen :-)

Well thats my experience anyway :-)

Feel better for getting that out
Tnx

Working with others... Quietens obsessions...

Take out the word sex
Replace with whatever
Yer obsession is at the moment...
Whatever requires self restraint against
And Power from something greater
Than my yourself

To sum up about sex:
We earnestly pray for the right ideal,
for guidance in each questionable situation,
for sanity, and for the strength
to do the right thing.
If sex is very troublesome,
we throw ourselves the harder
into helping others.
We think of their needs
and work for them.
This takes us out of ourselves.
It quiets the imperious urge,
when to yield would mean heartache.

P70

So working with others
Along with praying
For it to be lifted
simply be the
Answer to my current
Obsession
Fancied or real
Which alone i am unable
To resolve
Practice these principles
In all my affairs... Life areas
step 12

Day at a time
Analysis paralysis

Programme of Action

Last week

Went into Meditation
Listening
and Prayer time
speaking
With God a I understand Him

Prompted to write a gratitude list
thats it?

next day
Huge wave of sadness and loss
unclear exactly what

next day
feelings of loss
feelings of change
not sure what still

next day
heart broken
soul unprotected
soul told me what it needed
soul told me what I was/nt doing
I heard what I needed to hear

and did what I needed to do

Its about
honesty
willingness
openminded
humility

raw, naked, vulnerable
and turned up breathing the next day
and started on a new footing
more honest again
this is about me
my actions and motives

Keep on Keeping on
programme of action
not thinking

do not delay

yeh its raw and hurts
and punctures my ego
but nothing like
the continual misery and hopelessness
I used to feel

this recovering emotional cripple
is getting cooked

I still cant quite believe
the chain of events last week
internal shift and external I suppose

The age of miracles is till with us p153

Growing pains
:)

frrrrreeeeezin here

In the Spirit of Service

I was reminded today

When I do chairs - I carry a message
When I write songs - I carry a message
When I do a sermon - I carry a message
When I walk out the door - I carry a message
When I speak to someone - I carry a message

The outcome is none of my business

If I am doing it in the spririt of service
to HP God as I understand Him

The outcome is none of my business

I hear what I need to hear
You hear what you need to hear

Like reading the big book
Like reading the Bible
Like reading someones Blog
Like watching reruns of Friends

Each time you re read - rewatch
I hear something different maybe
On any given day
It speaks differently to me

When you offer me a suggestion
depending on my mood when I hear it
affects the way I receive it

Give it me again tomorrow
I may receive it differently

You give the saem suggestion
to someone else
they may receive it completely differently
they may apply it immediately
they may pass it on to someone else
they may remember it for another time

Carry the message
not the alcoholic

Give it away to keep it
whatever it is you have been freely given
in the spirit of service

then
Let Go and Let God

:)

Prison service rocks !!

I havent done prison service for ages
geographicallly its completely
opposite direction for me to get home!!
Yet i do it !!

Service keeps me sober
step 12
the guys are so grateful
i got excited last night
because i was going
into wandsworth prison

unheard of
not even a glimmer of a thought
7 years ago

God has awesome plans
i am grateful for every opportunity

to go in and feel the prison
right in its heart
you have to do it

AA has taken me places
internally and externally
i could only have imagined

thank you God

Its true

Asked sponsor for help
she knows and I know
This programme works
she wouldnt tell me!
she knows I know!
I know
how do I know
because I have tried over and over
and the transformation in me
is enough evidence
yet
i doubt!
so when I dont get what I want
from a human I trust
I know its time to pray
and trust God who gives me everything I want
and a glimpse into consequences and all
just before I make choices
inventory regularly
is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given
as is prayer
and the willingness to get honest
to self another and God
regardless

pray
take inventory
pray
help newcomers
anylengths
stop self obsession
turn attention to usefulness
ask God to help you if you cant
get out of your head
it took some drastic action
and felt like ripping elastoplast off my whole body
but I feel a sense of freedom from
the bondage of self

Take inventory
pray for the people on it THEY ARE SICK TOO (like me)
pray for the defects to be removed
ask for forgiveness
ask what corrective measures need to be made
pray for the power to carry it out
and go to any lengths

it will stop the scheming
it will stop the self obsession
it will move you into becoming
something unrecognisable at times
but very much better than you were!

you will be amazed before you are half way through
the week

I am

Grateful

I want that complete trust
that restraint
i have to be willing to trust aswell
or it dont work
i am

no steps no change no sober (old timer stuart)
no change no peace
no stillness no peace
no god no peace
know god know peace (someonelses words)

There's more going on than my eye can see...

Tried a new meeting
locally
it was freezing
I went to find the venue
was 90 minutes early
no where to have a coffee
went back towards the town
and had that ...
"well i could just go home now
its freezing fog
no-one would know
it wouldnt matter
can go another week" feeling
and then I remembered my primary purpose
for going to a meeting
not that I think I am God
but Tradition 5 and Step 12... reasons to not go home!
its not about me...
but in return... I get karma points right :)
for some reason!
I went and had a coffee
read a newspaper
and went back to meeting...

and met the secretary
who i find out
lives close by me than
you can imagine!
I could throw a ball in their garden
from my garden!
yeh I am pretty good at throwing
but still

neither of us know anyone else
in the vicinity
thats in the fellowship

God! your hand is at work
your plan is unfolding
and your incidences
are simply
delightful

I got a lift home
and a loan of a heater!

I have been reading scriptures lately
and listening to more
talks by Menlo Park ministers
John Ortbergs colleagues
and one just blew me away
I have listening to it over and over
again!

On Beyond Zebra Kim Englemann
based upon the beginning of the book
On Beyond Zebra by Dr Seuss
i'll post more on its significance
when I can put it into words
what I can say is that
I only listened to John Ortberg
I have loved this man for around 3 years now
his tone, his humour and love for us and God
and I thought no-one else could match
and then I listened to Kim Engleman
her voice, tone I dont really like
but her humour and love and care for people and God
I love the message
I have listened to this mp3 over and over
why? I love it! I want to go beyond Zee!
I know there is more and I am doing it
in it right now
letting go of perfection
engaging with pride and having to let go of it
more and more
show and accept my imperfect self
my sloth and its consequences
my lust and its consequences
my self will and its consequences
my greed and its consequences
my love for God and its consequences
my willingness to change and be changed and its consequences
my courage to accept all its consequences

Good and bad!! see

This journey I am having
getting to know this Jesus man
and God is getting more and more interesting
Luke 12:16-21
I have no idea when my expiry date is
whether I will be made redundant
and whether anything else bad is going to happen
so I have to trust and have more faith
monday and tuesday
my heating is getting an overhaul!
otherwise I could die a "rich" cold fool!!

off to do more study
tomorrow I become a member of the church
locally I have been going to
making friends
Am I a Christian yet?
I dont flippin' know!
no one seems to care!!!!!!!!!!!
they just say keep coming back! and read Luke...
so I am :)

Grateful for the little things
I have no control over
for now life is good
and for my facebook buddies
Poke!

Especially grateful
that once again its proven
that Gods alphabet starts
where my alphabet ends!!

Faith is the most important
feature in my life
its constant
heat or no heat
alone or with
rich or poor
joyful or sad
faith is there

and i went to a carol service

spent time in home group
got honest with a human (sponsor) and God
knowing there is more I need to say
Sick as your secrets
and resentments ARE the number 1 offender
fear being the corroding thread...

Dont worry seems to be the 2 words
I most need to hear at the moment
as they are being said over and over
I must look and appear worried
I am fearful
its the same!

I went to a meeting last night
then across the road to a AA function
live band
noisy, too noisy for me
am i really quieter all over
is this how its going to be?
a random woman stoppped and asked me
if i had read the power of now
and said she would ring me later meaning after 10.30pm!
I said no...I'd rather she didnt
is she crazy or am i

went to a carol service today
it was so lovely
the church I am considering joining
makes mistakes
the song sheets are in the wrong order
the minister gets his words wrong
stuff is spelled wrong
but you know
I love it
and it loves me!
children singing
and the nativity... little shepherds!
and angels
soooo cute!
and different bands and musicians
i like it
its real, imperfect and lovely
i think I could grow old with this fellowship
I asked a really old lady how long
she had been coming, she said since she was born
thats a really long time!
every night they used to come and do things
a long time ago
I wish it could be like that now

I was saying to my sponsor
that nothing seems to make any sense
and all material seems purposeless at the minute
all I want to do is go to church
and learn about God
yes go to work
but not study
just do simple stuff
i dont know whats going on
I left her yesterday
strengthened by her belief

its like everythings going round me
at a million miles an hour
and I am standing in the middle
nothings touching me
skimming the surface
nothing has any depth
and I have no will to try
i just want stillness
and to learn about my creator
that I want
is this a distraction a short term thing
will this fulfill
will God fill the God shaped hole?

I stood outside last night
and looked at all the stars
I enjoyed the sunshine today
I like the freshness and the warmth

I loved the love in the carol service
yet... afterwards I felt apart

How long will

Johno
Be still and know that I am God

what?

Be still and dont worry...

and then 2 - 12 steps calls came through...
from the phone office
there are suffering alkies out there
drinking & dying



Time to let go absolutely
Have a safe and funfilled Christmas and 2009!

First Things First

Everything I put in front
of my recovery
I will Lose
Fact

Everything I put ahead
of God
I will lose
Fact

Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job-wife or no wife-we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. p98

I am at a critical point yet again
I have made choices
some I am not sure are will lead me
to heaven
although who am I to predict what heaven is
on this earth plane

I have taken some risks this week
opened myself up
and cried quite alot more
than I ever imagined I would
or could

I am not sure when all this will stop
and I am not sure
whether I am doing any of this right
my true self appears
without me realising
and I have no idea
whether its helping or not helping
I have no idea
what the heck is happening at the moment
I seem to be doing
just doing
when I think
it gets me in trouble

My step 10's showed me tonight
That at the moment
I am thinking and beleiving
I am nothing without my job
I will not be able to survive
So death will occur
metaphorically speaking!
or is it!!

I went and stood by the sea tonight
it was very dark
the air was clear
night birds were around and about
it was still
there were lighthouses dotted
along the estuary
I asked my Creater to show me
what I need to do next
because I am really stuck
and afraid and need to know!
I felt a sense of
I didnt feel alone
nor lonely
nor cold
nor afraid
came over me

First things First
Put your recovery First
Step 10 and 11 are no good without 12
Long term

How long to sing this song?
I wanna run I wanna hide

U2 40 and bounce bounce bounce!


Stand tall
turn up til they tell you not to
and keep it in the frikkin day!
self will run riot
gets me absolutely No Where!

Solution?
Step 3
and work with another alcoholic!
God is with us... if we are with Them
Them the great them
Service

Grateful
that I have this opportunity
to pray by the Great Ocean
Thank you

My conscience is telling me...

I need to go to a meeting
with the intention of being useful...

Give freely of what you have been given...

It doesnt say
reap the rewards
and then enjoy it all selfishly

It doesnt say
Having has a spiritual awakening
as the result of these steps
we forget about the still suffering alky
because we are feeling well
all the promises have come true
you know how to work it now
in all you affairs
and know you make your own misery
when you dont
it doesnt say
forget about the newcomer

does it?

Unity
Service
Recovery

Repeat until you stop breathing

A look at the alcoholic in your organization is many times illuminating. Is he not usually brilliant, fast-thinking, imaginative and likable? p139

A look at the alcoholic in your organization is many times illuminating. Is he not usually brilliant, fast-thinking, imaginative and likable? When sober, does he not work hard and have a knack of getting things done? P139 P140

I am sure the reading one night
P417-P418 Big Book 4th edition
And acceptance is the answer...
absolutely was a turning point.. my admission
of powerlessness and unmanageabilityP59
at the beginning was the start of my recovery
is still a key tool in my daily living today

I have accepted
a) I am "at risk" of redundancy
b) That I am actually useful and effective in the workplace P139/140
c) Many people agree & like me P139/140 I am a text book case!
d) I have a better than average chance of staying
e) I am to continue to do what I do until I know
f) Our business has taken its own inventory P64 its not personal
g) Its about me being pro active not reactive
h) There is no place for loafers in a credit crunch
i) I have to be selfish
h) I must also be selfless
j) They used the words
"for some this will be a turning point"P59
in the bad news speak "especially for me" haha
h) praying works
i) restraint of tongue and pen is essential (12x12)
f) honesty is essential P13
g) willingness P13 & flexibility is essential
h) openmindedness is essential (Faith) P13
i) I am now properly armed with the facts about myselfP18 (in the workplace)
and my evidence if valuable assets/skills
which I HAVE learned/gained/worked for
over the last 25 years, though previously brought
any "success" crashing down P123 on top of me whilst drinking
unable to manage maintaining and growing any position
j) I could keep quiet and not blog til its over just incase
I get ousted and then I wouldnt have to tell you I could just
say I was let go, BUT I cant! its slothful
so i will try to show you
how it works in my life whichever way it goes..., and at the same
time evidence to myself (and you)
that it is a design for living
even in rough going P15
h) I went into shock Monday, mixed with all of the above
i) my body is reacting though my mind and spirit are strong
j) 6-10pm Monday night phone service
followed by no sleep, so I went to the
6am big book meeting (It was up to page 8 Bills Story
you know where it talks of disater in the finacial areas
and people jumping from skyscrapers...
there are no coincidences!!
followed immediately
by the 7.30am city meeting Tuesday morning
and was at work by 8.40am...
yes I slept really well Tuesday night!
k) I have to be gentle with myself H.A.L.T.
though keep on at the same time
awareness of physical needs are essential
l) I have been praying for his Words not mine
and His Will and the Power to carry it out
m) Its my responsibility to pick up the tools and use them
n) Working with others (suffering/floundering with the news)
is essential (it helps me!)
o) God provides me with all the answers I need in his time
p) I have quit the debating society infact I didnt join (12x12)
q) Praying for people works P67
r) AA meetings are a huge rock and a cuddly oak tree P152
s) 2.5 hours yoga was exactly what I needed tonight
t) I am negotiating a sale and a purchase and will be
moving to the seaside in the next 6 weeks P164
u) My job will change in the next 4 weeks P164
w) I am starting Uni 3 evening a week in 4 weeks P164
x) I am pre-mentual for a bit longer
y) I have not wanted to drink or die
z) God doesnt give me more than I can handle EVER
Our Big Book rocks doesnt it!!

I forgot there was a word verification thing on my comments
its now off!

and I am still amazed that a brief conversation with my
sponsor about by frustration at work
resulted in me praying lots sunday evening
I didnt know about Monday then... not being a psychic yet!
things could have been very different
I had not made that call to her
or those prayers!
and NOT restrained my tongue!
until God had given me the go ahead when he was ready

Why dont i talk to her more often? I still ask myself
because the tools work on everything
She does not know everything and she doesnt have power
pride and arrogance at times cause me to delay
Self will

Oh well... its a complete turnaround
from how it used to be
no longer over reliant and needy :)

And the government increased the stamp duty threshold today! hoorah
right i'm off to bed

Knowing Gods will is not enough - action is required to carry it out

First Step
We tend to see things not as they are but as we are.
Becoming quiet and simple inside is a first step to seeing things truly.

From Inner Space

yes the bus outside has squeaky brakes and its annoying me
no the bus outside has squeaky brakes regardless
of whether I am here or not
its not doing it to annoy me
everyone in the vicinity can also hear it
its not personal

yes The forms I am filling in
are really tedious and hard to sit and do
no the forms are standard forms
they are not tedious and hard
because they are not a familiar activity to me
they are just forms
silent pieces of paper with printing on them
not dangerous or emotionally disturbing
everyone fills them going through this process
its not personal

yes people will judge me
question me
say things which I see to be untrue
in relation to me which I take as critic
not accepting
not encouraging

regarding the bus
well ear plugs
or just tune out like i do mostly

regarding the forms
start at the beginning and fill them
in step by step
then send them off
its part of the process

regarding people
its not personal!
its just their perception
of how I appear to them
I do it too
judge others
not react enthusiastic
sometimes, while things get processed
in my head
I must do... I am human
like you

self will... self centredness
I dont want things to be how they are
these things a deliberatly meant/sent
to try me
its all too hard...
I dont want to...
I cant..
all dishonest

see I dont have to do any of this!
we make our own misery
or we can see it as the character building stuff
that following things through
being responsible carries
which ultimately leads to the joys
and freedom

And Acceptance is the answer
This is where will power is required
inorder to follow through to Gods will
it doesnt say
get the promises and then
keep taking inventory
keep praying for forgiveness
and intuition
and then do nothing with it
does it?
nah once you know
its more action!
step 12 action inside and outside the room

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done.” These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.

Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action.P85

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.p86

We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. But this is not all. There is action and more action. “Faith without works is dead.” P88

Listen to the old timers and pass it on to the newcomers & chordie.com

especially listen to
the REALLY OLD ones that
keep coming back
passing it on
and on
and on
and on
and kick us up the ass
and tell the truth
and throw the duvet over at times
help us laugh
and cry
and grow... away from alcohol
and then grow up

gifts of sobriety
gifts from God

they ARE priceless
though NOT flawless!!

God bless the VERY OLD timers
who remain new AND young at heart
and show us how it works

I am VERY grateful :)

There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all. I suppose some would be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity. But just underneath there is deadly earnestness. Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish. P16

LISTEN TO THE OLD TIMERS
AND PASS IT ON TO THE NEWCOMERS

Gratitude in Action

ps. to be clear
there is humour
in this post
though no sarcasm
trust me I am grateful

ps Syd if you are still guitarring
I found this great site Chordie.com
songs... hard and easy versions

Self Restraint & Practicing these Principles - A fearless & faithful way of life

The Warrior of Light Issue no. 174

The Warrior of Light and renunciation

“In any activity, we have to know what to expect, the means to reach our objective, and the capacity we possess for the proposed task.”

“The only one who can say that he has renounced the fruits is he who, being thus equipped, feels no desire for the results of the conquest, and remains absorbed in combat.”

"You can renounce the fruit, but this renunciation does not mean indifference towards the result.”

This strategy belongs to Mahatma Gandhi. The Warrior of Light listens with respect and does not allow himself to be confused by people who are incapable of reaching any result and always preach renunciation.

I love Paulo Coehlo

Renouncing vengeance

The Warrior of Light holds the sword in his hands. He is the one who decides what he is going to do, and what he will not do in any circumstances. There are moments when life leads him to a crisis: he is forced to divorce himself from things he has always loved.

Then the Warrior reflects. He assesses whether he is fulfilling God’s will or if he is acting through egoism. If separation is really the path he must follow, he accepts it without complaining.

However, if this separation is provoked by the perversity of others, then he implacable in his answer.

The Warrior possesses the art of the blow and the art of pardon. He knows how to use both with equal skill.



Renouncing provocation

The experienced fighter endures insults; he knows the strength of his fist and the efficacy of his blows. In front of the ill-prepared opponent, he merely contemplates and shows his strength through his look. He wins without needing to take the fight to the physical level.

As the Warrior of Light learns from his spiritual master, the light of faith also shines in his eyes and he does not need to prove anything to anyone. The aggressive arguments presented by the opponent - saying that God is superstition, that miracles are tricks, that believing in angels is fleeing from reality – are of no importance.

Like the fighter, the Warrior of Light is aware of his immense strength, and will never fight with anyone who does not deserve the honor of combat.



Renouncing time

The Warrior of Light listens to Lao Tzu when he says that we must detach ourselves from the idea of days and hours and pay more and more attention to the minutes.

Only in this way will he manage to resolve certain problems before they happen. By paying attention to the small things, he manages to protect himself from the great calamities.

But to think about the small things does not mean to think small. The Warrior knows that a great dream is made of many different things, just as the light of the sun is the sum of its millions of beams.



Renouncing comfort

The Warrior of Light contemplates the two columns beside the door he plans to open. One is called Fear, the other Desire.

The Warrior looks at the column of Fear, where he reads: "you are about to enter an unknown and dangerous world where all that you have learned up to now will be of no use whatsoever.”

The Warrior of Light looks at the column of Desire, where he reads: "you are about to leave a known world where all the things you always wanted and all that you have fought so hard for are kept.”

The Warrior smiles, because nothing can frighten him and nothing can hold him. With the confidence of those who know what they want, he opens the door.

Intolerence - my opinion

I am becoming very intolerent
towards alcohol
Thankfully, yes thankfully
the resentment is towards alcohol
and not the people who drink it
mostly!

I am REALLY seeing
exactly how destructive
this thing is
how it touches and affects
not only the drinker and the family
also the neighbours

My father has a neighbour
who arrived home at 1am
banging doors
shouting with his mates
the strangest noises
on the phone out in the garden
loud music
which carried on through until
9am
this is not just alcohol
the police have no control
its a council issue
there is an after 11pm by-law
he knows the police cant do anything
they went round at 1am and asked him to turn it down
their description of him was
a zombie, talking to someone who was not all there
no point in even attempting
he just knows the police have no control
when they talk to him sober
he apologises and understands
he is rational!
and then forgets
seems his hearing and all sense
of social skills
disappears
My dad and his fiance
are becoming ill with this
its starting to eat them up
I can see it
can they move house?
not sure if they will get a buyer
as his behaviour is very unpredictable

As a nation
If we effected a complete abstainence policy
for alcohol
other issues would become apparant
we would realise that as a nation
we have many other problems aside from alcohol
no longer would we be able to have news issues
where would our problem then centre?
in our mind?
in our attitudes?
the heart of the nation?
is the head of our nation really a reliable source?
as a nation we need to take action
more action!

Once again
I want to 12 step the UK
not singlehandedly of course
and once again
I see when we have been through the 12 steps
and practice 10, 11, 12 in all our affairs
these principles filter out into the nation
our 12th step is so important

Our name is Britain and we are alcoholic
we havent yet admitted we are powerless
and our life has become unmanageable
we have tried everything
and we still cant sort this issue
infact its getting worse
we are in the grip of a killer illness

Are we willing to go to any lengths?
Do we try anything, do we really? really?
Do we really accept our shortcomings
and humbly ask a power greater to help?
Do we sing off the same hymn sheet?
Do we really want to solve anything?
or have we become so completely sick
that the unacceptable has now become acceptable
untreated alcoholism?
are we spiritially sick?
as a nation are we a victim
I have an opinion
but its NOT a dig
at any political party
or person
its just an opinion
and observation today

Whats it like in other countries?
the problem is still there
the effects, health, crime are just two examples
but do they have more of a success rate?
do the police and authorities join forces?
I have no idea

All I see is what I see hear
when they said
Keep coming back
more will be revealed
I had no idea what they meant!

I am finding a voice
RaRaRaaaaaaaaaaar :)
Resentments - can lead to solutions
if a process is followed through
not necessarily now!

Patience Johno
Keep coming back
keep talking
honour your truth
dont be scared
be considerate
this is Any Lengths

Recovery Archive found The Last Thing
have you had a look?

Heres another
Recovery is Sexy

And I may start reading this
Buddhism for Dummies!

Like clockwork - set your clock Johno - take responsibility from today

28 days ago

tuesday 28 days previous

3 months evidence is enough!

I have managed to get someones back up
amends have been made

I am not perfect at restraint of tongue and pen
though I do try

BUT I have not kept a check on my pmt
therefore I take a certain amount of reponsibility

even though I am aware of how destructive
my tongue and pen and keyboard
can be during this time

Flippin 'eck
the road gets narrower

when I know better
I really do have a responsibility
to do better!!!

The innocent deserve to be protected!
how much longer do I want to spend
taking my own inventory on this same old same old?
not much!!
then Do Not delay!

ok, enough analysis - THERE IS A SOLUTION!
Do I have a desire to stop all this
this randomness and lashing my keyboard/tongue/attitude
when I know damn well what causing it?
Yes I have a desire!

Take steps & hand it over to a power greater than me!
1. pmt screwing my thinking & my tongue & keyboard became unmanageable
2. do i believe it will make a diference if I diarise ? yes
3. Am I willing to diarise it and take responsibility
now I know what the solution is? yes
4. what is the root cause of all this? sloth and self will
I havent bothered & I think I can remember
5. I've told you & god
6. Am I willing to hand it over to the diary and do the right thing? or continue in the way I have been? yeh I want to change the things I can
7. Will I hand over all of me including my sloth and self will to God? yes
8. have I harmed anyone? yes
9. am I willing to make amends? yes I did already
10. will I continue to do this and if I dont, admit it? yeh ok!!
11. will I continue to seek out gods will in all areas and the power to carry it out? yes
12. Now I know how it works, will I pass it on, and practice these principles on all my difficulties in all my affairs? yes

I still have no desire... hmm when i was writing that I suddenly realised I am starting to have the desire to get in to work for 9am, cos I am theres abit of me that is wanting it and its growing. I am still praying twice a day for the willingness to change my attitude to 9am starts by the way. Both Monday and Today 9am starts!

There is no way anyone is going to convince me that praying doesnt work or there is no God!

The gifts of sobriety
progress not perfection

I wish I had self restraint on blogging

when I get the cahnce I do it
when I dont have it
it isnt so bad

Finally had a chat with guy at work
regarding AA
simple chat
gave him newcomer pack and meeting directory

said my boss who is also his boss
is very supportive and understanding
when I told her about AA and alcoholism
as I understand it in me

said I would be happy to with him
to a meeting if he needed
and would recommend some if needed to

Also made it clear that the decision
now is his
I will not push it
not because I dont care
simply because its now up to him

said to AA is not the only resource
for alcoholism, but its the only one
which I have found made sense
and made any lasting difference to me

also suggested he try a few meetings
and not judge AA on one meeting
and go perhaps not thinking he is an alky
simply to speak with those who
know they are and see what happens
after a reasonable period of time
he may find he is or may find he isnt

either way he will have made a few friends
and have a found a resource he may end up
recommending to some one else
even if he doesnt find us useful himself

he seemed ok with all that
even looked in the directory
and pointed out to me a local meeting to him

Time to let go now
and
remember my primary purpose at work
is to support the people I am paid to support
I am no-ones pysch, trainer, manager or life coach...
keep it simple

I still have no desire to arrive on time at 9am to work
I did arrive at work at 8.55am today
I will continue to pray for
the willingness to have my
attitude towards 9am starts changed

Football may be off
some ladies dropped out
not sure yet
its all getting a bit political!?

Studying is really hard
I have no confidence in my understanding
I feel like I haven't got this semester atall
and am feeling really odd
and afraid, though not terrified
I am willing to accept a fail
though I am afraid of how I will react
more faith
less projecting
get on with studying in the present
its really random dude!

study as you can
not as you cant!

Friend who is sick
Thinking of her often
not sure what i am to do
carry on as I am
and wait and let go
not in a victim or defeatest way
without thinking the worst or full of hope
just let go and remain balanced
neutral, in the middle ground
as much as possible
and get on with whats in front of me
instead of what isnt
this is not entirely what I want to do
but it seems its what I need to do
I dont know what I dont know
this is a new experience
and it seems there are no rules
Its all unfamiliar
whatever
She has that Jesus fella
Sponsor, a heap of experts
lots of experience
in life
all i know to do is
wait patiently
not easy though
Love her in my thoughts and prayers
and on my blog
so I am
and thanks to you, I refuse to ever watch
walking with dinosaurs again
I have been traumatised for life!!
and no I wont pray for them!
But this is for you...

I am Lovin' the spring warmth
we are being graced with
Thank you God

Some things I heard in meetings - Pass it on

Nothing changes if nothing changes

The desire to drink has been lifted
I still have the desire to change the way I feel

It works if you work it
It doesn't if you don't

Keep coming back

Give it away to keep it