Dont listen to your head... when you are full of fear or have defective thinking

But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened.P37

See I have discussed some of my stuff
from Friday with my manager
and she already knows
I am a reflector
and what I said on Friday
will undoubtedly somewhat have changed
by today
and its true
it has
I can see now where the fear wanted me
outer there as far away as possible
but I can see today
the its not necessary to run off
no need to go anywhere infact
until they close the door and tell me so

The next few days
I feel will reveal alot about
the future at work
short term
stuff I am powerless over
and I have a work review on Friday
too
action is done
its time to let go

what I mean by the title is that
before it seemed like a good idea
to take a drink
these stuations were definitely
where I would either be in the bar
or at home replaying stuff over and over
predicting, making plans and schemes
well I cant stop the tape so to speak
but I can take action
so while the tapes playing
I can do, that it do the next right thing
regardless of what The Head tells me

The facts are its ok
good budgetting is essential
luxury is out the window
for the moment
but then its how I want to live anyway
I have what I need
and it is actually what I want

its only my head that tells me otherwise
my heart however... is happy
although it could do with a cuddle
and someone to write my essay!

home is where the heart is.. at its most happiest
yet as I research my essay
I really see ho good I got it
compared to some

John butler Trio - Home is where the heart is


is the destruction that fear from within creates
less than the destruction caused from without?
or is all destruction equal?

HIV "a living death" is not just a Gay or African problem

I was watching Charlie Wilsons War tonight
which I found really
interesting, informative and entertaining
a snap shot into
world politics and stuff
red tape and well how it !? works
Here's more on it

and this UNICEF clip was at the start
it made me think...
about education
is prevention cheaper than "cure/treatment"?
taking of responsibility
take care
take responsibility
because the other person may not have
They have a new attitude,
and they have been saved from a living death.P150
Condoms save lives
as does self restraint

I also wonder whether we are
really meant to stop all this
is it possible?
like is touched on in the film above
on another subject
we find some problem, go in and "fix" it
but what happens next?
what happens for the next 100 years?
will we ever really know what Gods Will is?
whose to say Gods will is to prevent or to cure?
in a world of imperfect humans like me
who have good intentions
and at times fall short
the consequences can be GLOBAL
we can only try and keep our side of the street clean
and help others



Narrated by Gwyneth Paltrow, The Gift is a dramatisation of a new poem by Simon Armitage, to highlight UNICEF UK's Born Free from HIV campaign.

Almost every minute of every day, a baby is born with HIV, passed on by their mother. This is because only one in five mothers with HIV receive the right medicine and care to prevent passing on the virus to their babies.

But it doesn't have to be like this. There is an effective treatment, costing less than £1, which can prevent a mother passing HIV to her baby. With the right medicine and care, more than 98 per cent of mothers with HIV do not pass the virus to their baby.

With your help, the Born Free from HIV campaign aims to ensure that all mothers with HIV receive this medicine and care. We want world leaders to keep their promise, made at the G8 Summit in 2007, to ensure that all babies are born free from HIV.

To find out more, visit:
www.unicef.org.uk/youthvoice and www.unicef.org.uk/thegift.

Intolerence - my opinion

I am becoming very intolerent
towards alcohol
Thankfully, yes thankfully
the resentment is towards alcohol
and not the people who drink it
mostly!

I am REALLY seeing
exactly how destructive
this thing is
how it touches and affects
not only the drinker and the family
also the neighbours

My father has a neighbour
who arrived home at 1am
banging doors
shouting with his mates
the strangest noises
on the phone out in the garden
loud music
which carried on through until
9am
this is not just alcohol
the police have no control
its a council issue
there is an after 11pm by-law
he knows the police cant do anything
they went round at 1am and asked him to turn it down
their description of him was
a zombie, talking to someone who was not all there
no point in even attempting
he just knows the police have no control
when they talk to him sober
he apologises and understands
he is rational!
and then forgets
seems his hearing and all sense
of social skills
disappears
My dad and his fiance
are becoming ill with this
its starting to eat them up
I can see it
can they move house?
not sure if they will get a buyer
as his behaviour is very unpredictable

As a nation
If we effected a complete abstainence policy
for alcohol
other issues would become apparant
we would realise that as a nation
we have many other problems aside from alcohol
no longer would we be able to have news issues
where would our problem then centre?
in our mind?
in our attitudes?
the heart of the nation?
is the head of our nation really a reliable source?
as a nation we need to take action
more action!

Once again
I want to 12 step the UK
not singlehandedly of course
and once again
I see when we have been through the 12 steps
and practice 10, 11, 12 in all our affairs
these principles filter out into the nation
our 12th step is so important

Our name is Britain and we are alcoholic
we havent yet admitted we are powerless
and our life has become unmanageable
we have tried everything
and we still cant sort this issue
infact its getting worse
we are in the grip of a killer illness

Are we willing to go to any lengths?
Do we try anything, do we really? really?
Do we really accept our shortcomings
and humbly ask a power greater to help?
Do we sing off the same hymn sheet?
Do we really want to solve anything?
or have we become so completely sick
that the unacceptable has now become acceptable
untreated alcoholism?
are we spiritially sick?
as a nation are we a victim
I have an opinion
but its NOT a dig
at any political party
or person
its just an opinion
and observation today

Whats it like in other countries?
the problem is still there
the effects, health, crime are just two examples
but do they have more of a success rate?
do the police and authorities join forces?
I have no idea

All I see is what I see hear
when they said
Keep coming back
more will be revealed
I had no idea what they meant!

I am finding a voice
RaRaRaaaaaaaaaaar :)
Resentments - can lead to solutions
if a process is followed through
not necessarily now!

Patience Johno
Keep coming back
keep talking
honour your truth
dont be scared
be considerate
this is Any Lengths

Recovery Archive found The Last Thing
have you had a look?

Heres another
Recovery is Sexy

And I may start reading this
Buddhism for Dummies!