Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Maybe good Maybe bad

I went for Physio yesterday
feeling yet again that this will never end
more exersizes
no real end insight
slight improvement
I have been here before
and wondering again
whats the plan in store for me
accepting and trusting
even though i don't like
this slowness that I am forced
to take as the result of
physical disability
with no real resolution ahead

I sat on the beach after
and counted a few blessings
watching the kitesurfers
reflecting on how much I wanted to
learn this and still do
yet I wonder how different this last
12 months is likely to have been
had my physical health been
sufficient to give me the confidence
and strength to undertake this
strenuous, and very exciting extreme sport?

I watched them out there
at one with the wind and the water
slightly envious yet seeing the
isolation of the sport
you and the elements nature
whilst you are out there with others
its not a team or socially interactive
except probably off piste!

I know that although God brought me
away from all that I know
he didnt want me alone
he showed me the Salvation Army
and gave me a church family

Had I had my way from the start
I would have learned Kitesurfing
and spent most weekends and energy
learning and surfing
all summer I THINK! nah I KNOW!
I believe that if I had pushed myself
I could have still learned
yet through prayers
Thy will not mine
I have been led around a different path
and I am glad that I have

Its likely that I wouldnt have
developed the friendships I have at church
started and lead a hobby group
build a relationship with my pastor
get involved with volunteering in the kitchen
go regularly on Sundays
be present in mind when I attend and take part
be willing to be led in where God wants of me
try new things
read the bible in a disciplined fashion
develop my relationship with jesus
help develop others relationship with Jesus
lead a weekly bible study
be willing to listen to what others see in me
consider a role within church
consider Christianity this seriously
physically I have spent more time locally
at home with cat
being a neighbour
slowing down
acting - my age!
listening to the silence
listening for that still small yet very firm voice
that I hear so often

self will
I could have done all of the above
but most would have been on a superficial level
it would have got in the way
its un likely I would be this involved at church
and enjoying it (mostly!!)
like i am
if i have taken up kitesurfing
I would have got what I wanted
who knows I may still get it

See Gods plan I can see its not ruled out
its just a not yet

A physical handicap
may not get me what I wanted
but I am glad that God gave me what I needed
and I feel blessed

weak yet strong

see so when I say that I doubt
what I know and believe
When I am growing along spiritual lines
I am forced to challenge that which
I know to be true YESTERDAY
and change, let go of ideas
that are not working in the present
forced to look at my motives
beliefs, feelings, everything
over and over again
and let go of the deadwood
i learned this in step 5

God wants me back to my purest state
the way he created us in Genesis
how can I rebel and follow my own will
self seeking, pleasure etc
it will not sustain me long term

the spiritual life is about
growing up
letting go of instant gratification
works first
and whatever comes after

At times however
because there seems so much work to do
on myslef and for/with others
I have to work at lightening up!

Tuesday, October 06, 2009


And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is You

Monday, October 05, 2009

Am I wasting the Grace I have been given?

you know these emails we get
most of them ditch
well I get one last week
with a picture of a child with stitches
all down her face...

Today I receive a
social transformation newsletter
from HTB
with details that the Eden network
are coming to london

I watched this blog vid Breathing Life
You can pause the mini commentary
which auto starts in the top left corner
(if you prefer)

I was sitting at work today
commuted on the train
sat in the office
what am I doing here?
Why am I here?
I AM wasting time
I am wasting Grace

On Saturday I was at a welcome
party for new Salvation Army Officers
William Booth training college
it was awesome.

A question asked was

If you have been given Grace
are you wasting it?

am I wasting the Grace
that I have been given?

Its time to change
I have been given everything and more
than I could ever have wished for

I love by the sea
I have my own place
I have a garden
I have a pet
I have friends
I have good neighbours
I have a church
I have freedom
I have no desire to drink or self harm

yes I can come up with some dark stuff

I want do do something
people matter

Its not about making money
God provides...

I have gone through a process of
letting go and understanding
what Grace is
and improving my conscious contact
with God Jesus Holy Spirit
and it seems more than enough
It is holding my gaze
it isnt an approval seeking
excersize to ease my loneliness
although it does!
It is a real feeling
that is going deeper and deeper
into my soul

Freely am I making contact with this spirit
I am becoming at one withy my creator
and all that it means

I cannot sit here
by the sea and enjoy
without doing something
It makes me happy being here
but it will NOT sustain my soul
the sea and fresh air and safe surroundings
is not enough

I wanted to study Law
I was given the chance
Its not for me long term
I learned so much along the journey

I wanted to live by the sea
I am, I love it
I do not need it permanently

I have fresh air
I love it

I feel that all that I have
is a gift
I get so much and yet
I dont feel as though
I will ever be able to
repay back what I have been given

A purpose
A reason to be here
meaningful existance
tools to make a difference

Out of hopeless state of body and mind
I have become a disciple
You made a difference
and now so do I

No time to waste
Grace is a precious commodity
freely given to all
I feel it

Its Gold, Pure Gold
(I just cried)

My soul is at One
and is crying out
so much that I feel sick

Have you felt like that?

I am at a turning point
We asken his protection
and care with complete abandon?

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon. p59

We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" p63

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done.” These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. p.85

Gratitude in Action
Belief in Action

God grant me the courage
to accept the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I cant
and wisdom to know the difference

Faith without works is dead p.76

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Prayer - Pray as you can - NOT as you can't

I have noticed much of my prayers
are around changing me
so that I am better around others/situations
less judgemental

I have noticed that many Christians
Practiced and new
pray for others

I beat myself up because
I became aware of how selfish
my prayers are even though ultimately
I pray to be changed for the Greater Good

I discussed this with my Sponsor
she suggested I begin the next few days
in praying for people
start simple and specifically
at least I have become aware
Accept the things I cannot change
I cant change whats happened
change the things I can
start now
Wisdom to know the difference
let go now and start praying
as I can not as I cant!
I wont be an expert overnight :)

So this week I have begun praying for
a work colleague to he healed after her operation
for a boy in the newspaper with E-coli to be healed
and for the boys family to be looked after
I prayed for our pastor to be strengthened
I prayed for our church to grow

this feels lovely
its egoless because they dont know
at the same time it hard because there is no reward
no pat on the back
Its an essential discipline I am told

Day at a time
Pray as you can, not as you can't
change the things you can :)

Thursday, August 20, 2009

6 years today

so grateful
keep coming back

grateful to enjoy
the joys and challenges
life brings

suns hot again already and its only 9am
2 days left of holiday
in this credit crunch time
I am glad I live by the sea :)

I am for the first time
in 42 years
losing some weight
I have never had to do this
just toning before
somehow its crept on
BMI says "prone to health issues"
which would be about right...
body parts have started playing up
and there is no apparant reason...

now I know
I have to do something...

the spiritual path gets narrower
when you know better
you then have a responsibility
to do better (or at least try)

If I don't
then I suffer the consequences
towing the line
fitting myself in (or wedging myself in)
surrender to win
Let Go and Let God
Into Action
are the keys

Grateful to AA
given me a life I never had .. only dreamed

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Strawberry Swing

Cold Play

Strawberry Swing

enjoy the ... chalk drawing!!

i love the sneaking in in tip toes bit
and the giant squirrel firing arrows!!


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Just for today - accepting powerlessness

Just for today

Just for today
I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.
I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

yet again
a moment of clarity
a realisation that I am powerless
over everything really
yet at the same time
not in a victim like way
walking through
what seems to be a war zone
when everythings comin' atcha
and evertything seems to be changing
and everything is
i must be the centre of the universe!! hehe
head spinning
old behaviours comin at me
old thoughts
new thoughts
new actions
new opportunities
see what the comfortzone
I once knoew disappreared
a few years ago
and I have not felt it since
although I have felt peace and serenity
and perfection at times
I am not sure I have felt in a comfort zone
for a while now
is this a problem?
well I only just write it
and no it dont feel a problem
just an observation really
at times its all very exhausting
and I suppose thats probably self will
trying to controll the uncontrollable
trying willpower on what I am powerless over
everything changes
my job is to fit myself to be of maximum helpfulness p102
whatever happens

I realised aswell in the last 24 hours
I am powerless over my father smoking
and when he dies
no matter what happens to him
nothing can make him stop
not that really I have tried
this recent treatment will cost him money
will that stop him?
maybe only death with stop him
like drinking
smoking is addition/illnes/disease
smoking is a family illness too
I am not sure that he has any idea
how his recent heart attack has affected
his close family and friends
perhaps when he returns to the UK
he will?
usually I say nothing about his smoking
and gave up talking about it years ago
who am I to judge
and his and his significant other's attitude towards it
is simply none of anyones business
continuing to smoke
after his triple bypass a while back
restraint of tongue and pen does not apply here!
its my stream of consciousness
and i'll cry if I want to :)

i noticed my father carried guilt burdens
which he shared when I made amends
he does not have a program
he does not have a God
to ask for forgiveness from
and thats sad

I read this about building our soul today by Paolo Coelho

Four Forces issue 203

First Force: Love

Rabbi Iaakov’s wife was always looking for an excuse to argue with her husband. Iaakov never answered her provocations.

Until one night when, during a dinner with some friends, the rabbi had a ferocious argument with his wife to the surprise of all at table.

“What happened?” they asked. “Why did you break your habit of never answering?”

“Because I realized that what bothered my wife most was the fact that I remained silent. Acting in this way, I remained far from her emotions. My reaction was an act of love, and I managed to make her understand that I heard her words."

which has changed my attitude
that restraint of tongue and pen
minding my own business
and live and let live
is not always the loving thing
this does not mean
ranting, telling, ordering, ultimatums, sulking is

what i see today
is that I need to pray for the words
ask God to give me the words
to say to my Dad
to express how I do not want him to die
and early death
that seeing him smoking really upsets me
seeing my mum in the last stages
of lung cancer was a frightening
and the memories of what she physically looked
like I do not think I will ever erase
from my mind
I do not think all this is to be said
agai I am expressing
my stream of consciousness
yet at the same time
As with Rabbi Isaakov
If I stay silent he will not know that
I love him and value him being around

My father said to me
twice in two overseas phone calls
from his intensive care bed
"I love you"
I dont remember
him EVER saying me loves me
I know he does
he just doesnt say it

At the same time
I am accepting that he may continue smoking
no matter what I say
and die very soon
or live for a lot longer
or his arteries could collapse on the plane home
or like my mum
he may pack up smoking and be dead within 6 months!

see am powerless
and accepting
and full of fecking wisdom
sometimes i wonder if
ignorance is really bliss
i'm off to denial
smoking doesnt kill right!?

ok, aside from this
I am enjoying friends
making music
local AA
I started a new group at my church
being me
theres a battle going on
which leaves me very lonely
and at times
i really dont want to play anymore
although i accept
more and more
I am so blessed
to be more understanding and compassionate
towards myself
to have some very understanding
humans around me
who overlook my shortcomings
and focus on my strengths
and so when stop in fear
pause longer
I turn towards and continue

keep coming back
saw a rainbow yesterday :)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Just for today.... Restraint of tongue and pen

Just for Today
Pick one and try and practice it

Just for today
I will exercise my soul in three ways.
I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out;
if anybody knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just recently
I have been noticing
that I am leaning on approval seeking
with someone at work
and almost pushing boundaries again
like a child
old behaviour
and seeing what reaction I get
and there is none!
so my cunning plan doesnt work
dis-ease in me schemes
my feelings have been hurt
my ambition
my financial security
my personal relations
have all been threatened
or so my self centred fear tells me

So my focus for the 24 hours or so is
just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

restraint of tongue and pen and email
Think Think Think

before speaking... ask myself
does it need to be said now?
does it need to be said by me?
Is it helpful to the situation?

it all takes practice
and I need to be reminded to practice it :)

Saturday, June 27, 2009

To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. p96

Its for people that want it
there are plenty that need it
infact many of us have thought/said
12 steps should be taught at school!

Change is essential for growth
and how we deal with change
everything changes
the seasons
our blood cells
our skin

the moment we choose not to
is the moment
we need begin to need help
is the moment
we turn away

work with newcomers

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Tradition 3 - The only requirement for membership

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Step 11 - Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer. p87

I "was too judgemental
scared and self willed
to really be open minded"

since going through the steps
I have come to believe in a Loving God
who wants the best for me
which really turned things around

however living as a human
living in the world
not in a bubble/meetings/convent/own head
long term
I need more than a Spirit

I need a role model
which is where I let go of old ideas
let go of judgment
let go of self will
became openminded
and no longer afraid
of turning my life over
and my will
becoming part of
showing all of me
standing up

I have a role model
and I am building a relationship
with Him
apparantly it can last forever
and I will never be let down

so I am giving Him ago
testing Him

Reading praying and in fellowship
having fun, playing guitar
beach antics
BBQs and bacon butties!
at the same time

its new
yet I need something
thats everlasting
and proven to help many
and there is no reason
why He shouldnt work for me aswell
as I am working for Him

where i found Him
on the edge of the world
in an on the edge church
worldwide known for social action
welcomes alkys and addicts

my kind a Home
my kind of family
my kind of imperfect
loving friends
with a Loving God
as we understand him

Keep coming back
til it stops working :)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Step 11 - Grace

Moving away, health
meant a change in lifestyle
letting go of self will
in the guise of
"this is how I always did it
and it worked before, so i just
do it somehwre else and it will work too.."
wrong, this time
it wouldnt work

I have spent the last 6 months
improving my conscious contact
with God as I would like to understand Him
growing a personal relationship
and really was too judgemental
scared and self willed
to really be open minded

I am sober/serene/at peace to whatever degree
and at this point
by the grace of God
not because of my service in AA
in the last 6 months

Letting go absolutely
Its in dying that we are born...

Monday, June 22, 2009

At Risk of Redundancy again!!

3rd time in 9 months
there's a pattern!

Step 3
take inventory
kep mouth shut
and pray!

the outcome is not in my hands
and Gods plan
has not been revealed yet

I have no idea
and its all abit strange
infact its mind blowing!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

.... must believe-that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. Dr's Opinion

Fear and Love do not live in the same moment
Life and death do not live in the same moment
where there is fear there is no love
where there is love there is no fear
where there is life there is no death
where there is death there is no life

I live each day with thoughts of death
more than one a day
I do
I used to think this was a weakness
not working my programme
now I see it as a part of me

I live each day with thoughts of good things to come
more than one a day
I do
now I see it as a part of me

I also see that they come and they go
the death negative fear thoughts
they come and they go
and they come again and they go
the more I pray when they come
the less time they hang around

the more change and action and progress i make
the more they come and with them fear
the more prayer and doing Gods will I do
the more progress I make the more fear comes
the more I rely on Gods will
the more progress I make
into unknown territory
out of what my mind knows or even had thought about
beyond zebra... past Zee
out of my comfort zone
any lengths

I wonder at the moment
how long I have to live with these great Powers within
and whether at somepoint one will overcome the other
I really hope Love will conquer all
At times its exhausting
At times I really am sick of this
At times I just want to take a pill and zone out
Though really I dont!
Being chronically self centred
I am fascinated by the way I am
and what I am becoming
I am more accepting of who I am
than I have ever been
and more willing to work with god
to become what he wants
because 99% of the time thesedays I KNOW its gonna be good
And I am having a really good time
them thoughts no longer hold me back
take away my humour, humanness
though they damn well try!!

Although what I am experiencing is
its not what I do that makes it go away
its the prayer
its the acceptance
its the turning towards
its accepting Love is the answer
in those Mind Games

This is who I am
In your hands God
to do with me as thou wilt
show me my part
and give me the power
to carry it out!

what? where did YOU come from?
Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.
Its on Page 79
Lots a love


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Its true

Asked sponsor for help
she knows and I know
This programme works
she wouldnt tell me!
she knows I know!
I know
how do I know
because I have tried over and over
and the transformation in me
is enough evidence
i doubt!
so when I dont get what I want
from a human I trust
I know its time to pray
and trust God who gives me everything I want
and a glimpse into consequences and all
just before I make choices
inventory regularly
is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given
as is prayer
and the willingness to get honest
to self another and God

take inventory
help newcomers
stop self obsession
turn attention to usefulness
ask God to help you if you cant
get out of your head
it took some drastic action
and felt like ripping elastoplast off my whole body
but I feel a sense of freedom from
the bondage of self

Take inventory
pray for the people on it THEY ARE SICK TOO (like me)
pray for the defects to be removed
ask for forgiveness
ask what corrective measures need to be made
pray for the power to carry it out
and go to any lengths

it will stop the scheming
it will stop the self obsession
it will move you into becoming
something unrecognisable at times
but very much better than you were!

you will be amazed before you are half way through
the week

I am


I want that complete trust
that restraint
i have to be willing to trust aswell
or it dont work
i am

no steps no change no sober (old timer stuart)
no change no peace
no stillness no peace
no god no peace
know god know peace (someonelses words)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Hand in Hand with Fear and Pride

Aswell as getting on with it
I have been very absorbed in my own thoughts
about my self obviously
and many others
so much so that time ticks by
I am doing things productive
but not really doing them
my auto pilot did them
do I didnt really take part fully!

Out of my comfort zone at work
learning lots of new stuff
taking my feet off the ground
and the stabilisers off
is abit scary to say the least
I want to keep running back
to comfort
even though the comfort zone
doesnt really exist anymore
because its all changed
there is no going back..
it makes sense to me anyway

yet I have faith
I need to pray for my defects to be removed
why? not just because its in the steps
but because I know it works
fear and pride
I am struggling to accept that I dont know
how to do all this new stuff NOW
and its been a few weeks
so I HSOULD know it all??? wrong!
the new stuff keeps coming and coming
so yet still this fear and pride
keeps coming and coming!! its true
sitting in conscious incompetent
and exactly how its meant to be..

step 10's

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Final 2008 performance review at work

Highly effective
including a hiccup...
took action to resolve them
overall result...

highly effective
maintained ALL year!!

Programme works!

5 years ago...
i was on a manage me out
programme for poor performance..

In Gods time
with Gods help
practicing the principles
good sponsorship
and willingness


Monday, February 02, 2009

At times I have no idea how to behave

and today was one of them...
living where I am living out of town
I am really feeling the season
and how long it goes on for
and its twists and suprises
and joys and scares

today was too trecherous to cycle
a neighbour gave me a lift to the station
early train got me to work early...
dilemma came
when only two of us arrived...
why am i here?
because I work here...
i travelled the furthest..
well actually the train brought me here
I didnt actually walk it!

snow fell faster
trains started being cancelled
and I didnt know when to leave
I have no idea...
most people didnt even turn up
yet I have a problem leaving
rather than being stranded
to scared to be stranded at work
to scared to leave work
rather strange! but thats how it was

its a first...
first time I have left work early
because of weather
I took some work home
see whilst others snowballed
I couldnt! and didnt
through choice and ignorance
ignorance of whats appropriate

see am used to going to any lengths
turn up at the station until they tell you
the trains arent running
stay at work til they tell you to go home
even at the station going home
they said they are not shutting the stations
yet the snow fell more and more
when he said some trains were breaking down
thats when I stepped on the train...
and tonight went and asked the same neighbour
for a lift tomorrow to station
that was hard...

came home
did some work
just took inventory
I am afraid of this
new situation I have experienced
and afraid of how I reacted/behaved
and what people will think of me

restless, irritable and discontented
because my routine and comfort zone has been
altered by snow
and forced me to go beyond zee
see God picked up the chalk and drew one letter more

pride, self will, self centredness
self centred fear

please remove all my defects of character
and grant me acceptance, courage and wisdom
love and tolerence towards self and others

and grateful

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

well I am just holding back feeling sorry for myself

and I realised I have PMT
so I am forgiven!
and i'm NOT going to inflict you
with fake self pity
brought on by hornmones
a freudian slip i am going to leave in! :)
restraint of tonge and groove
not shouting my head off
wanting to cry
I am tired
oh yeh i wrote a cheque for a
rather large sum
so I am no longer as richer fool as I was
yet my greed is still clinging on I can feel it
I have had workmen in my house
last 2 days
found another fault
and another created itself!?
all fixable another time
but I HAVE HEAT right now... late evening
not just up until mid morning!

Exam yesterday... glad we have resits
essay to finish
work tomorrow
away 2 evenings conference starting tomorrow night!
and I have to dress up
this is where you grin!
this is where i have to show myself
the just for today card in my face!
and REALLY dress becomingly for work
for one evening a year!
I know it will be good fun
but this is the bit I have to force myself
once its on and i'm there
i'll be fine! infact i'll have a "ball"!
experience tells me so
so shaddup head!
or i'll grow my mullet hair back
like the sax player
on here!!

I forgot I had a label for PMT
should use it more
it will probably be very well used!
see ya!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

There's more going on than my eye can see...

Tried a new meeting
it was freezing
I went to find the venue
was 90 minutes early
no where to have a coffee
went back towards the town
and had that ...
"well i could just go home now
its freezing fog
no-one would know
it wouldnt matter
can go another week" feeling
and then I remembered my primary purpose
for going to a meeting
not that I think I am God
but Tradition 5 and Step 12... reasons to not go home!
its not about me...
but in return... I get karma points right :)
for some reason!
I went and had a coffee
read a newspaper
and went back to meeting...

and met the secretary
who i find out
lives close by me than
you can imagine!
I could throw a ball in their garden
from my garden!
yeh I am pretty good at throwing
but still

neither of us know anyone else
in the vicinity
thats in the fellowship

God! your hand is at work
your plan is unfolding
and your incidences
are simply

I got a lift home
and a loan of a heater!

I have been reading scriptures lately
and listening to more
talks by Menlo Park ministers
John Ortbergs colleagues
and one just blew me away
I have listening to it over and over

On Beyond Zebra Kim Englemann
based upon the beginning of the book
On Beyond Zebra by Dr Seuss
i'll post more on its significance
when I can put it into words
what I can say is that
I only listened to John Ortberg
I have loved this man for around 3 years now
his tone, his humour and love for us and God
and I thought no-one else could match
and then I listened to Kim Engleman
her voice, tone I dont really like
but her humour and love and care for people and God
I love the message
I have listened to this mp3 over and over
why? I love it! I want to go beyond Zee!
I know there is more and I am doing it
in it right now
letting go of perfection
engaging with pride and having to let go of it
more and more
show and accept my imperfect self
my sloth and its consequences
my lust and its consequences
my self will and its consequences
my greed and its consequences
my love for God and its consequences
my willingness to change and be changed and its consequences
my courage to accept all its consequences

Good and bad!! see

This journey I am having
getting to know this Jesus man
and God is getting more and more interesting
Luke 12:16-21
I have no idea when my expiry date is
whether I will be made redundant
and whether anything else bad is going to happen
so I have to trust and have more faith
monday and tuesday
my heating is getting an overhaul!
otherwise I could die a "rich" cold fool!!

off to do more study
tomorrow I become a member of the church
locally I have been going to
making friends
Am I a Christian yet?
I dont flippin' know!
no one seems to care!!!!!!!!!!!
they just say keep coming back! and read Luke...
so I am :)

Grateful for the little things
I have no control over
for now life is good
and for my facebook buddies

Especially grateful
that once again its proven
that Gods alphabet starts
where my alphabet ends!!

Faith is the most important
feature in my life
its constant
heat or no heat
alone or with
rich or poor
joyful or sad
faith is there

Friday, January 09, 2009

Happy Birthday - Elvis Presley - Gods chief choirboy

a little less conversation
a little more action

tools of the recovery

studying at last!!!!!!!
after spending
many days
flying round
and other distractions
managing to burn myself
on hot water

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Get honest with God (as you understand God)

He always listens
always forgives
pray honestly
ask for anything you want in a childlike way
and God will give you what you need
in a Parental way

Talk to Him like no other
because He is like no other

Pray, talk, whisper,
mumble, yell
outloud, in silence
in a crowd, alone
on a beach, in the city

Do it often
like someone you want a relationship with
build it, grow it
learn to listen
and listen to learn
you will get to know
how God communicates with you
he really does

that voice
hear that voice again
you will recognise it
it will come often
and sometimes seemingly random

Heaven stands still
everytime you pray

God allows us to have what we want
if we really want it
and he also allows us the consequences
comfortable and uncomfortable
he has a plan, a good plan

I have everything I need already
I am tired
my motives have changed
my dream became reality
and I saw what the future holds
by following that dream
and I dont like what I see
greed and fear
in a "world" I dont understand
speaking a language I dont grasp
involving thinking I do too much of
longer hours enclosed
wearing clothes I feel uncomfortable in
I feel a door is closing
I feel like I am closing a door
willingly with love
letting go
And Acceptance is the answer... P417

Do I want to be right or happy?

I'm off, more prayers on the beach
with the Great Ocean

Happy, joyful, funfilled healthy new year!
May you feel real love in the home
that you live in
channel ALL that life you have
running through your veins
into becoming usefully whole