Wednesday, February 25, 2009

.... must believe-that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. Dr's Opinion

Fear and Love do not live in the same moment
Life and death do not live in the same moment
where there is fear there is no love
where there is love there is no fear
where there is life there is no death
where there is death there is no life

I live each day with thoughts of death
more than one a day
I do
I used to think this was a weakness
not working my programme
mental
suicidal
now I see it as a part of me

I live each day with thoughts of good things to come
more than one a day
I do
natural
living
now I see it as a part of me

I also see that they come and they go
the death negative fear thoughts
they come and they go
and they come again and they go
the more I pray when they come
the less time they hang around

the more change and action and progress i make
the more they come and with them fear
the more prayer and doing Gods will I do
the more progress I make the more fear comes
the more I rely on Gods will
the more progress I make
into unknown territory
out of what my mind knows or even had thought about
beyond zebra... past Zee
out of my comfort zone
any lengths

I wonder at the moment
how long I have to live with these great Powers within
and whether at somepoint one will overcome the other
I really hope Love will conquer all
At times its exhausting
At times I really am sick of this
At times I just want to take a pill and zone out
Though really I dont!
Being chronically self centred
I am fascinated by the way I am
and what I am becoming
I am more accepting of who I am
than I have ever been
and more willing to work with god
to become what he wants
because 99% of the time thesedays I KNOW its gonna be good
And I am having a really good time
them thoughts no longer hold me back
take away my humour, humanness
though they damn well try!!

Although what I am experiencing is
its not what I do that makes it go away
its the prayer
its the acceptance
its the turning towards
its accepting Love is the answer
in those Mind Games



This is who I am
In your hands God
to do with me as thou wilt
show me my part
and give me the power
to carry it out!

Anylengths
what? where did YOU come from?
Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.
Its on Page 79
Lots a love

God

7 comments:

steveroni said...

Really thoughtful stuff, and really appreciated. Don't have the slightest idea WHY I have not caught your blog lately?

But, I HAVE been slow in commenting, I'll try to do better, because itis WORTH it for me.

Thanks for being here (there!) and CU.
Steve E.

Lydia said...

Thank you for the honesty you share here. Your vulnerability is one of your strengths.
What a surprise to find the Lennon video at the end....very cool. I've been in Central Park where he was walking and at that outdoor stage. Being there at the IMAGINE circle in his memory is a profound experience. It's across the street from The Dakota where he and Yoko lived, where he was shot.
A good reminder to live every moment with gratitude.

Syd said...

Thanks Johno. The fear got to me yesterday but thankfully it ebbed back to it's dark place and I'm much better today.

molly said...

i like how syd mentions how the thoughts go back to the 'dark' place. what came to mind is that they go back into hiding. lately i'll 'see' (or hear or feel ?) an old thought/idea and the ones i've worked through, i can either laugh at or let is pass without being identified with it anymore. others still haunt - like the one that says 'there must be something wrong with me'. OLD one but one that has a grip it seems.

the other thing that came to mind was in Anthony De Mello's book where he mentions love and fear and how it is impossible for them both to exist. i love finding new teachers. they all seem to say the same - just a little differently i suppose.

i enjoyed this post. take good care!

GratefulOne said...

Love the blog!

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

re coursework. do not be discouraged. keep on keepin on. think of the film 'Touching the Void' as that just about sums the process up :0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7zadH1ZqAE

good luck! and whatever you do, do NOT believe the doomsday scenarios your head invents, no matter how black. this to shall pass. ask for help when you need it. study is very humbling. it takes away all your 'security'.

molly said...

i really enjoyed this post.. not sure how i missed it. but glad to read it now. i related to all of what you wrote. i was JUST thinking about the fear of death - the physical one, that is and how i've been in such a hurry most of life - afraid to run out of time or something. just yesterday i googled 'what happens when we die'. embarrassing to admit! but since there was many articles and such written about it, at least i knew i wasn't the only one. there was one book entitled that i believe. i even want to control death! like I actually COULD or something. nuts huh?! i suppose that is the ultimate thing we want power over perhaps. ah well, just random thoughts. enjoyed the post!