Monday, October 05, 2009

Am I wasting the Grace I have been given?

you know these emails we get
most of them ditch
well I get one last week
with a picture of a child with stitches
all down her face...

Today I receive a
social transformation newsletter
from HTB
with details that the Eden network
are coming to london

I watched this blog vid Breathing Life
You can pause the mini commentary
which auto starts in the top left corner
(if you prefer)

I was sitting at work today
commuted on the train
sat in the office
what am I doing here?
Why am I here?
I AM wasting time
I am wasting Grace

On Saturday I was at a welcome
party for new Salvation Army Officers
William Booth training college
it was awesome.

A question asked was

If you have been given Grace
are you wasting it?

am I wasting the Grace
that I have been given?

Its time to change
I have been given everything and more
than I could ever have wished for

I love by the sea
I have my own place
I have a garden
I have a pet
I have friends
I have good neighbours
I have a church
I have freedom
I have no desire to drink or self harm

yes I can come up with some dark stuff

I want do do something
people matter

Its not about making money
God provides...

I have gone through a process of
letting go and understanding
what Grace is
and improving my conscious contact
with God Jesus Holy Spirit
and it seems more than enough
It is holding my gaze
it isnt an approval seeking
excersize to ease my loneliness
although it does!
It is a real feeling
that is going deeper and deeper
into my soul

Freely am I making contact with this spirit
I am becoming at one withy my creator
and all that it means

I cannot sit here
by the sea and enjoy
without doing something
It makes me happy being here
but it will NOT sustain my soul
the sea and fresh air and safe surroundings
is not enough

I wanted to study Law
I was given the chance
Its not for me long term
I learned so much along the journey

I wanted to live by the sea
I am, I love it
I do not need it permanently

I have fresh air
I love it

I feel that all that I have
is a gift
I get so much and yet
I dont feel as though
I will ever be able to
repay back what I have been given

A purpose
A reason to be here
meaningful existance
tools to make a difference

Out of hopeless state of body and mind
I have become a disciple
You made a difference
and now so do I

No time to waste
Grace is a precious commodity
freely given to all
I feel it

Its Gold, Pure Gold
(I just cried)

My soul is at One
and is crying out
so much that I feel sick

Have you felt like that?

I am at a turning point
We asken his protection
and care with complete abandon?

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon. p59

We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" p63

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done.” These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. p.85

Gratitude in Action
Belief in Action

God grant me the courage
to accept the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I cant
and wisdom to know the difference

Faith without works is dead p.76


An Irish Friend of Bill said...

"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water
After elightenment, chop wood, carry water."

sometimes its not what you do but how you do it

step 11 taught me there are many ways to be of service. non action is a refined state which benefits others but has the outward appearance of 'nothing happening'
so 'wasting it' does not HAVE to mean doing or not doing.
besides we have plenty of opportunity for service in aa. to fit any more service in on top of that and or work and family commitments would be very hard.

but by all means look for new ways if you want. i think the 12 step work in aa is hard to beat because we can save many people from death which is pretty cool.

lana said...

Not too long ago someone introduced me to Pamela Wilson ( and she speaks of Grace in a way I hadn't heard before. For me, if I felt anger or frustration or fear or confusion - i (like most humans!) would push it away - say no no! go away. In one of her interviews (not sure which one I was listening to - it may be one on conscioustv ??) she said 'there is a grace in frustration, grace in fear'.. grace in all of it. My thought while reading your post was 'it is impossible to lose grace, you ARE IT. that Grace is what you are'. Not sure how true that is but that was what my mind was saying :)

anyhoo - i had never heard grace put in a way Pamela speaks of.. that there is grace in EVERYTHING, even when it appears 'bad'. She seems to be saying to all of it 'come hear, come hear'.. there is plenty of space and capacity for love for all of it. This bit here you may like:

you may find her interesting perhaps, i hope.

love ya deary and enjoyed the heartfelt post.

Syd said...

I know it was a typo but I couldn't help but smile at:
"Courage to change the things I can't"
That was me for so long.
Living by the sea is awesome and inspiring though.
And yes, I have felt sick with frustration but that usually is because my soul isn't at One. It's because I'm afraid or stuck in self-pity. It's only when I give up my will that I feel better. Just trust in God.