Thursday, November 13, 2008

First Things First

Everything I put in front
of my recovery
I will Lose

Everything I put ahead
of God
I will lose

Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job-wife or no wife-we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. p98

I am at a critical point yet again
I have made choices
some I am not sure are will lead me
to heaven
although who am I to predict what heaven is
on this earth plane

I have taken some risks this week
opened myself up
and cried quite alot more
than I ever imagined I would
or could

I am not sure when all this will stop
and I am not sure
whether I am doing any of this right
my true self appears
without me realising
and I have no idea
whether its helping or not helping
I have no idea
what the heck is happening at the moment
I seem to be doing
just doing
when I think
it gets me in trouble

My step 10's showed me tonight
That at the moment
I am thinking and beleiving
I am nothing without my job
I will not be able to survive
So death will occur
metaphorically speaking!
or is it!!

I went and stood by the sea tonight
it was very dark
the air was clear
night birds were around and about
it was still
there were lighthouses dotted
along the estuary
I asked my Creater to show me
what I need to do next
because I am really stuck
and afraid and need to know!
I felt a sense of
I didnt feel alone
nor lonely
nor cold
nor afraid
came over me

First things First
Put your recovery First
Step 10 and 11 are no good without 12
Long term

How long to sing this song?
I wanna run I wanna hide

U2 40 and bounce bounce bounce!

Stand tall
turn up til they tell you not to
and keep it in the frikkin day!
self will run riot
gets me absolutely No Where!

Step 3
and work with another alcoholic!
God is with us... if we are with Them
Them the great them

that I have this opportunity
to pray by the Great Ocean
Thank you


Syd said...

Your words paint a beautiful picture of the coast there. Where else to find God and be close but by the sea? It is my favorite place.

AlkySeltzer said...

Ohhh, I pray that you have a sponsor, with whom you can talk this all out (if I read the first part correctly?)

And you PRAYED by the great water!
Also I get to pray by the great Gulf of Mexico. Yesterday, I suggested that my sponsee and I meet there. We talked a bit now and then, but often sat in silence. How wonderful to be silent, not expecting that we need to be always Blah, blah, blahing.