well I am just holding back feeling sorry for myself

and I realised I have PMT
so I am forgiven!
RAAR!
and i'm NOT going to inflict you
with fake self pity
brought on by hornmones
a freudian slip i am going to leave in! :)
restraint of tonge and groove
not shouting my head off
wanting to cry
I am tired
restless
discontented
oh yeh i wrote a cheque for a
rather large sum
so I am no longer as richer fool as I was
yet my greed is still clinging on I can feel it
I have had workmen in my house
last 2 days
found another fault
and another created itself!?
all fixable another time
but I HAVE HEAT right now... late evening
not just up until mid morning!

Exam yesterday... glad we have resits
essay to finish
work tomorrow
away 2 evenings conference starting tomorrow night!
and I have to dress up
this is where you grin!
this is where i have to show myself
the just for today card in my face!
and REALLY dress becomingly for work
for one evening a year!
I know it will be good fun
but this is the bit I have to force myself
once its on and i'm there
i'll be fine! infact i'll have a "ball"!
experience tells me so
so shaddup head!
or i'll grow my mullet hair back
like the sax player
on here!!


I forgot I had a label for PMT
should use it more
it will probably be very well used!
see ya!

There's more going on than my eye can see...

Tried a new meeting
locally
it was freezing
I went to find the venue
was 90 minutes early
no where to have a coffee
went back towards the town
and had that ...
"well i could just go home now
its freezing fog
no-one would know
it wouldnt matter
can go another week" feeling
and then I remembered my primary purpose
for going to a meeting
not that I think I am God
but Tradition 5 and Step 12... reasons to not go home!
its not about me...
but in return... I get karma points right :)
for some reason!
I went and had a coffee
read a newspaper
and went back to meeting...

and met the secretary
who i find out
lives close by me than
you can imagine!
I could throw a ball in their garden
from my garden!
yeh I am pretty good at throwing
but still

neither of us know anyone else
in the vicinity
thats in the fellowship

God! your hand is at work
your plan is unfolding
and your incidences
are simply
delightful

I got a lift home
and a loan of a heater!

I have been reading scriptures lately
and listening to more
talks by Menlo Park ministers
John Ortbergs colleagues
and one just blew me away
I have listening to it over and over
again!

On Beyond Zebra Kim Englemann
based upon the beginning of the book
On Beyond Zebra by Dr Seuss
i'll post more on its significance
when I can put it into words
what I can say is that
I only listened to John Ortberg
I have loved this man for around 3 years now
his tone, his humour and love for us and God
and I thought no-one else could match
and then I listened to Kim Engleman
her voice, tone I dont really like
but her humour and love and care for people and God
I love the message
I have listened to this mp3 over and over
why? I love it! I want to go beyond Zee!
I know there is more and I am doing it
in it right now
letting go of perfection
engaging with pride and having to let go of it
more and more
show and accept my imperfect self
my sloth and its consequences
my lust and its consequences
my self will and its consequences
my greed and its consequences
my love for God and its consequences
my willingness to change and be changed and its consequences
my courage to accept all its consequences

Good and bad!! see

This journey I am having
getting to know this Jesus man
and God is getting more and more interesting
Luke 12:16-21
I have no idea when my expiry date is
whether I will be made redundant
and whether anything else bad is going to happen
so I have to trust and have more faith
monday and tuesday
my heating is getting an overhaul!
otherwise I could die a "rich" cold fool!!

off to do more study
tomorrow I become a member of the church
locally I have been going to
making friends
Am I a Christian yet?
I dont flippin' know!
no one seems to care!!!!!!!!!!!
they just say keep coming back! and read Luke...
so I am :)

Grateful for the little things
I have no control over
for now life is good
and for my facebook buddies
Poke!

Especially grateful
that once again its proven
that Gods alphabet starts
where my alphabet ends!!

Faith is the most important
feature in my life
its constant
heat or no heat
alone or with
rich or poor
joyful or sad
faith is there

Happy Birthday - Elvis Presley - Gods chief choirboy

a little less conversation
a little more action

tools of the recovery

studying at last!!!!!!!
after spending
many days
flying round
facebook
and other distractions
managing to burn myself
on hot water
NOT PAYING ATTENTION!

Get honest with God (as you understand God)

He always listens
always forgives
pray honestly
ask for anything you want in a childlike way
and God will give you what you need
in a Parental way

Talk to Him like no other
because He is like no other

Pray, talk, whisper,
mumble, yell
outloud, in silence
in a crowd, alone
on a beach, in the city

Do it often
like someone you want a relationship with
build it, grow it
learn to listen
and listen to learn
you will get to know
how God communicates with you
he really does

that voice
hear that voice again
you will recognise it
it will come often
and sometimes seemingly random

Heaven stands still
everytime you pray

God allows us to have what we want
if we really want it
and he also allows us the consequences
comfortable and uncomfortable
he has a plan, a good plan

I have everything I need already
I am tired
my motives have changed
my dream became reality
and I saw what the future holds
by following that dream
and I dont like what I see
greed and fear
in a "world" I dont understand
speaking a language I dont grasp
involving thinking I do too much of
longer hours enclosed
wearing clothes I feel uncomfortable in
I feel a door is closing
I feel like I am closing a door
willingly with love
letting go
And Acceptance is the answer... P417

Do I want to be right or happy?
Happy!

I'm off, more prayers on the beach
with the Great Ocean

Happy, joyful, funfilled healthy new year!
May you feel real love in the home
that you live in
channel ALL that life you have
running through your veins
into becoming usefully whole