I have NEVER seen so much FREE
beer, wine all kinds of booze
lying around in BUCKETS of ice
its true... NEVER!
arrived at 6
was ready to go by 6.30 haha
yeh its true the alcohol hadnt started working on THEM
they were still talking work
its dark, everyones tall
and no-one really knows whats going on
except that they know there is free booze
and its everywhere
I went out for some air and called an AA friend
who incidently is now pregnant with her AA husband
and it is Gods will they have children IVF finally worked!
Went back in, humour was appearing
talkied with a few people
caught up with some more
very small talk with others
went nuts with some more
playing chinese whispers
had a laugh or three
and went out for some more air
this time I prayed
it was around 8.15 time to go...
yeh its early, the fun people
were now drunk and the drunker people
the rest were discussing managment politics
and small talking their way through
after a mad photo, gawd knows what its gonna be
and a hundred I love you's and kisses
and sad farewells to some thats leaving
I departed the building
Its time when there are approx 30 ice cold beers
and 15ish bottles of wine
scattered that I get jealous
why do I get jealous?
Because I cant drink like normal drinkers
I also accept it and know
especially at the moment
my sobriety is much more imprtant
than the 10 free shots I was offered...
So I am now home
wondering what it would have been like to be drunk
would it have been different this time
and knowing at the same time
the answer is
and listening to the question
am I sure?
MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new onesP31
Once an alcoholic
always an alcoholic
And Acceptance is the answer... P417/418