Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Passing for normal

I read this from ifob

http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2010/04/14-years-dead-in-week.html

and wrote this (and added some today)

I like meetings aswell, 
unless I am grumpy, 
although I am loving 
making friends in other outside groups. I miss all the London meetings yet know it's my time at the moment to explore outside relations aswell.

I don't want to ever think 
I don't need meetings. 
It's an insult to the first 100 members I think!! 
To get well and turn away entirely.
Would be like forgetting the person who donated an organ 
and the surgeons and crew 
that saved my life, 
I hope it never happens.

Each to their own 
but you have my permission 
to kick my ass if i every become ungrateful or turn away entirely.

I always want to remain grateful, what I have is very precious, 
no matter how dark 
it sometimes appears. 
The dark bits help me 
appreciate the light more :)

I believe aswell that when I left London I had an idea of how to use 'the program' for all problems. 

Yet I have learned 
Am learning how to deal with issues, not that steps don't. 
Steps help me to see what's th problem
realise and accept 
I cannot solve it and dont need to splve it sufficiently alone, 
Need and do seek help, 
Need to write out what's blocking me accepting help or following suggestions then discuss it appropriately.
Then decide if I really want to 
Change, take action, stop doing etcetc
Pray for gods imput, defect removal
Courage, help, Power etc 
If haven't left it too long with my head in the sand, 
dithering on the side
Its unlikely any harm has been done, 
just a bit of time wasting. 
I should then be in a position to move forward, sideways, backwards, upwards, any road up
 armed with the best help, 
Best process available at that moment likely outcomes, obstacles unearthed and prepared for and 
defects etc rightsized.

Other people deal with issues like this.
Other people deal with issues without this, and better :)
There are many also who just haven't got a clue and like untreated alkys, flounder around causing havoc, despairing, frustrated and feeling hopeless.

I am lucky to be involved in a church which takes action and loves people
I feel blessed to see how people deal
With their own problems and others.
It's really giving me an insight in the spiritual toolkit and general tools of life that I really really haven't got!! 
I have to pick them up everyday
They are not naturally part of me
I really would get it very wrong 
Without them!!

It's inspiring just how people do it
Lifes joys and advrsity
Each are challenging
And each can bring on the need to run
Or shut it down 
Instead of experienceing and getting to know it
And at the same time I, like you
Inspire others too

We all help each other
Flounderers and action takers
Step nazi's and fluffys

I feel like I have grown alot
In the last 18months
Become part of a community
Passed for normal
Whatever that is
My neighbours ask for things
I ask for stuff back
We swap keys
I am known around the neighbourhood
And I like it
I have no shame
Making friends on in all walks

Amazing what can happen when 
You pray loads and follow
The dictates of someone elses higher power
And then when you have evidence
He becomes your Loving God too :)

On way to next to last bereavement course. 
Very helpful to me
Am sure It will help
At somepoint someone else :)

 

2 comments:

Joe said...

"I feel blessed to see how people deal
With their own problems and others."

Before the program I always wondered how people dealt with things that I would have a hard time getting through. Still do, but the program has answers I can use...

Syd said...

I don't want to forget all those in meetings and Al-Anon that has helped me either. I know that I won't graduate from this program.

I know that there are those who don't think that they need meetings or the program anymore. There are no musts. But I know that today I need what the program has to offer.