Monday, April 12, 2010

You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbour as thy self" p153

To thine own self be true
be youself, not what other people want, expect you to be
Be a realist 
not am optimist or a pesimist. 
Everyday... 
Accept what you can't change, 
chnage what you can 
And pray for what you need
Needs not wants will be satisfied. 
Ask for what you want if you like, 
if you don't get it
it's not because you are being punished
God (as I understand Him)doesn't punish
It's either because you aren't meant to have, now, never or because something better is on it's way :) 
I needed a relationship with God first
I would not have been ready for a man before I have right relationship wi God. I also really had No idea 
what an ideal relationship was
Not up close like i see them now
This last 18 months I have hung around many loving relationships 
that have what I want. 
It is possible & I have an idea how now. I also know the wives 
I will be able to talk to when I need to talk about my husband or 
check I am on the right track!! 
Abit like old timers in AA
it's hard to be patient.. 
When you have no idea whether
A partner mate is on the horizon
Or not!!
It's the character building stuff
12x12 talks about
For about the first 5 years 
I have been getting well within AA
No way did I have capacity ability
Mental physical spiritual stability
To offer equal or any semblance
Of how it really is to commit to
A long term relationship 24/7
I really had no idea
The 13 year relationship I had before
Was based on fear, desparation
Guilt, shame, loneliness
A feeling if freakiness
This is all I deserved
This is all I was capable was
And perhaps.... The last statement
Was true

It's taken hard work but it's only in the last 18months or so
That I feel like I have passed for normal whatever that is
That I could do a relationship
And still I choose to make friends
My intuition and what I see an want
Is someone that I find within
My own community
Who knows it may e where I am now
It may be an aa, it may be in my
Church network
I believe it will be the best when it comes :)
And I am still changeing
Getting better all the time
Never perfect yet at times
Feeling part of perfect moments

In AA I have been encouraged to
Go for Gold
The best
Aim for prefection
Settle for exellence/brilliance
Etc etc

The homegroup I am at
I consider the best
Otherwise why am I going? 
The friends I have in my life
Thesedays are the best
(best because they are themselves
Let me be myself, all imperfect)
Work colleage relationships are
Best because I am learning to let the be just that, work colleagues
My church is the best
My cat is just brilliant
My sobriety is amazing
The spiritual toolkit is perfect
God is just perfect
Relationships are it

God is Love perfect Love 
not vindictive, punishing or vengeful
He doesn't score points
He always forgives
always wipes the slate clean everytime
he loves us each individually equally he wants the best for us/you 
He will only give us
What we can handle on any given day. He Will not give us anything today that we cannot handle
We just have to accept  
work with god, 
let him work with you

Friendships are relatoonships.
Which need a spiritual toolkit to maintain 
I believe that we have been given fellows at homegriups 
To turn up week after week and love, forgive, tolerate, 
Excersize honest, willing, openmindedness, humility, encourage, share, listen, keep quiet, tell the truth, empathise, love, make mistakes with, make amends to, say sorry, say I love you, laugh with cry with, trust, grow up with. Grow old with. 

We the use the same tools in making friends outside AA
finding community outside is like finding a homegriups, we all have slightly diferent needs. 
Maybe try other peoples homegriups and make it your own or start your own or find another when you find your feet. 
It all takes work
then you get to now your friends
and use the tools learnt previously. 
The difference is that these new friends are not alkys
However they are are undoubtedly
Imperfect just like me/you
And very likely undisciplined
And very likely to be unaware of
What exactly drives them
On a daily basis
Except as I hang around my church more and get involved I see how
When Love true Christian Love
Not the authority, judgemental
Hypocritical power driven pretense
I mean real deep set love for one and other, giving of time, heart, mind 
It is beautiful to be a part of
Not all churches are like that
 
it's imprssive to see exactly how they do it seemingly without effort and with effort. 
Salvation army is full of love
you only have to see some of the comments on facebook
nearly all comments are 
Salvation army friends thesedays :) 

Its no coincidence salvationa army
Was founded by a couple of christians
To church the alcoholics, addicts
Mentally ill, poor, theives, etc
Those not accepted by other churches

I love salvation army as a church people are down to earth
Respectful, Encouraging, fun loving,  everything I am looking for. 
Except for money and status, there is no ego or greed. Is humility and encouragement for the each other an love for those that need. 
Service is key which is why salvation army's slogan is 'belief in action'  :) 

There are the politics, red tape and
Old fashioned traditions which
Some I think came out of the ark...
And I have no idea whether I will get
Rejected at any hurdle
But I may aswell try an see what happens, it will improve me if nothing else :)
The last 14 years in finance
Has had plenty of ego driven rubbish
To sift through, sitting infront of a pc crunching numbers Is not where my future lies I don't think!

I needed a personal relationship with
God
Big book says make use of books and people
My path has gone like this 
If you want to get a personal relationship with God 
get to know Jesus, 
I do
It was suggested to me 
to read The gospel Luke
I did and I have :) 

it was a bit like Reading big book at first, paragraph at a time, 
ReReading it Because it doesn't go in
not getting it, being inspired, 
all the same stuff, dufferent book
it helps sitting in services/meetings hearing the message
brought to life be our pastor
And other sermons I hear
and living in community with my church and seeing them walk the walk.
And those who just talk the talk
Or play in the band
Very like AA except it's not anonymous
I can talk about this amazing love 
I have been given and all the opportuniy and not break any anonymity :) 
see if I didn't know jesus
 then church wouldnt be any different to Aa really god wise
God would just be something that I would have to pray to alone, 
my idea of god, in isolation
In church I can get to know god with others :) the same god, a loving god, who wants us to live each other, communicate, 
live in community, 
be ourselves and be with others.
Love thy neighbour as thy self - big book- vision for you p153
Love you neighbour as yourself - bible Mark 12:31 

4 comments:

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

great post!
all sounds like a very healthy exporting the program to life outside aa. very healthy imo.
I have found that people are much nicer than I thought they were and that there are a lot of kind hearted ppl just milling around in all sorts of places. I think we join the human race in aa, and then that extends to life outside. first in step 11, then in all our affairs. everyone can teach me a very humbling lesson if i am open to it .

Gabriella Moonlight said...

This is a great post and it so reminds me of the manner in which I apply AA to my life...all of it...great list of gratitude built in also!
Thank you!

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Will put a word in :)

johno said...

Thank you for your comments and prayers :)