Saturday, March 19, 2011

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound saved a soul like me

step 5
We admitted to ourselves, God
And another human being

All my
Self pity
Self centredness
Etc etc
In detail

Nothing missed
In return
No judgement
Unconditional love

In a further annual houseclean
More recent resentments and fears
Further layers peeled
Revealing deeper and remaining
Huge self will
Etc etc
In great detail
Nothing missed again
More grace
No judgement
Uncondititional love

A few years later
Further layers peeled
Further stuff
Is revealed
Or same stuff
At a deeper level
Again grace
No judgement

This week
My past stuff
My fears of rejection because
Of my past stuff
became Unbearable
Prolonging the rejection
Became sloth
And so, out of choice!?
Not because they asked me
As part of my application
For my future position
In ministry it became
Essential for me to
Let go absolutely
And reveal stuff i did
Lived and breathed
As part of my experience
Strength and hope
And all i want to do
Is carry message
Give hope
Reach out to the unloveable
Whatever that means
And for my own growth
Continue to be a part of
Church family
Be a part of
Take my coat off and stay
Perhaps when someone
Who comes in with bag of stuff
Which they too feel excludes
Them from church
Can offer them a cuppa tea
And warm welcome
Be responsible
Not anonymously

It is gods will i go into ministry
I am afraid of not being able to
Communicate whats needed
I am afraid of being misunderstood
I am afraid of rejection

Like my sponsor said
Its just stuff

Yeh i opened right up this week
Gave them my bag of stuff
In greater details
All stuff i done
No holding back
Yet honesty that i dont do
This stuff now
And have no wish to go back to it
Human acceptance is lovely
They understood and still
Gave me the application to fill in
Anyway !!!

Complete honesty
Is essential in certain circumstances
Not everyone can deal with it
Not everyone needs to hear it
But in this instance
Wisdom to know the difference
Came to me with clarity

Stop being so nice to me!!!!!!!!

Seems my calling is evident
I am a messenger
I love people
Peoples suffering makes me cry
I cant fix people
But i dont run off
Walking alongside is such a gift
And being walked next to
At the same time is priceless

God is amazing
AA is awesome
Fellowship rocks !!



No comments: