Monday, March 14, 2011


Without Forgiveness we die inside

Help us to share our scars our wounds with others, it is more than empathy, it is a fellowship in suffering, a band to one and other. The knowledge that another understands our pain can be liberating. The pain may not go away, but suddenly it becomes bearable.

If love is the greatest power on the face of the earth, then forgiveness is the second greatest. Without forgiveness we die inside. With it, the memories may still be there, but we can at least begin to move on.

We may blame others for our own or our prodigals rebellion, for being judgemental when they should have been more supportive. For abandoning abusing us or them when they should have supported or comforted us. But we must forgive them, we must no matter what, we must stop nursing a hurt, we have to let it go, we must forgive, or we die inside.

If we feel shame for living wildly, thoughtless, selfish behaviour. We can repent (become willing to change) ask Gods forgiveness, we can start to make that journey home.

Forgiveness allows us to go on loving and to feel loved again.

Bringing home the prodigals - Rob Parsons

It is not for us to sit in spiritual pride
refusing to accept forgiveness, grace of God
and our family & continue with out guilt
It is not for us to continue feeling rejected
isolated, bitter & pushing ourselves
and others away even when we are forgiven
Our legalism towards ourselves only
puts up the fences which forgiveness
is trying to take down

I am finding my training programme
in my journey into ministry,
hugely humbling, transforming, liberating
ego puncturing
spiritually I am growing
My love for God and other humans is growing

Though fearful of what people think of my past
yet In Gods eyes I am forgiven
Getting vulnerable is tiring yet essential
Its one thing confessing all in a step5
its another doing it in an interview setting
in which will be read by many
which I may be questioned on
over and over in the next few years
Highlights my shame is still there
yet the lack of shock I receive from these people
the acceptance, the encouragement
moves me to tears

My experience strength and hope
is Gold to someone else
it is not enough to pass it on only in AA
not everyone who has experienced
what I have experienced
will walk through the doors of AA

My job is to be of maximum helpfullness
if I can give any hope to anyone
then I have to go to anylengths
Confess all my stuff
and leave it to God

So far they have not said no...
and neither has God

Being forgiven over and over
being accepted over and over
being encouraged over and over
being given opportunity over and over
being pushed into the limelight
is killing me to the point of tears
maybe I needed killing
letting go absolutely
letting go of the corner of the towel
letting myself be changed
being willing to conform to Gods will
accepting it all is hard work

good grief

Feeling like am becoming a puritan
and then I fall short... thank God

feeling like I have no idea how to be responsible
I am not skillfull anough

getting up and keeping on
in this direction
its tough
yet I wouldnt miss it for the world

God equips the called
he doesn't call the equipped

No comments: