theres is always about 30 SUGGESTED reading books/journals/reviews attached to each weeks lecture/tutorial. I tried to do load of reading, its impossible, the week flies and there is only so much new info a brain can take in and process at any one time even yours! I know for me that even if I stopped work, and read loads, I would probably only take in as much as I am now... but it would give me more panicking time.. thats just me. I have to give myself time to process whats been read and lectured to me.
Also some of the reading I CANT FIND, some have fonts, layouts that are NOT easy on my eyes, too small or just not laid out in a way that I can take in. So i trawl through a few until I find what I need, usually I cant, I get frustrated and then end up with the one text book I bought at the beginning and find exactly what I am looking for!! oh yeh and expanding on the lecture notes. We also have an interactive CD which helps, with questions and explanation and stuff on it. Wikipedia is great too. Too many sources is complicated.
Keep it simple
As for the reading lists, I asked our lecturer what to read inbetween, as I couldnt get to grips with where it was all going. He said not to read, he said he gives me the key points in the lectures and I should expand on what he had lectures..if I want to, hence I have bought a DVR, thanks for the tip IFOBW. I do take extensive notes in lectures, I seem to be able to unlike some, Am grateful for that. When I read them back, it all starts to make sense.
I have an oral exam on tues and by not reading anything this weekend, things have become a little clearer. I have been trying to hard and barking up a wrong tree abit. I have to be prepared to look at things from an entirely different angle. Sometimes doing less I get more out. And sometimes by doing more I get less out.
AA stuff is good for my self esteem, Unity, Service and so it follows recovery too. Just become secretary at intergroup, is something I can do, admin is a skill God has given me, I find it easy. Being secretary makes sense, its useful to the group and good for my self esteem.
I am not hot on sponsoring, its essential I agree, I have sponsees, but again I have to let go and leave their recovery to them, I am there if they call, if not I am getting on with my own stuff. Letting Go. My recovery is NOT dependent on any individual or bunch of individuals, its dependent on GOD.
My sponsor/s were my guides trough the steps, listening and following suggestions, paying attention and NOT doing it my way, got me through. Inch by Inch, day by day, week by week, keeping on with whats suggested at each step.
My lecturer is my guide through the course, he guides me through to the next week with what I need to do, when I pay attention he gives tips on what to be looking at next. NOT doing what I find interesting or looking ahead is the easier softer way. Keeping on week by week is Good orderly direction.
Mostly, dont panic, it is all exactly the way its supposed to be at the moment.
Crashing sometimes and letting go of self will that says well it was like this last week, and if I let go of a few things then surely it makes sense that it should be easier, cos my intentions are good!! NO its not the case, self will run riot, read step 3
Keep turning up, even if you havent done anything or you think its not enough.
I did a mock oral, last week, yeh no-one else would, not too bad, didnt project my voice enough, didnt speak to the audience enough, and he wouldnt have used one of the examples I used, as it wasnt right. but you know thats great feedback, I got mark 55 for standing up in complete fear and not really understanding what I was talking about infront of a load of people I hardly know and a lecturer who can be quite cutting towards some individiuals 55, that ONLY 6 away from excellent. Service, standing up and being prepared to make Tw*t of myself. I gave it my lousy best and you say.
Let Go Let God
Right I have to go now, as I am verging on taking advantage of doing nothing and I wont do anything. Must attempt reading a case again.
Good luck next week
Lots a Love
Johno... a newcomer student, week 6 semester 1 year 1
Flying without wings
And Lovin' it
ps. I am not in control here, someone called well and truly needing help, I went to a meeting and helped a newcomer. My unhealthy years wrestling with a pig (fear) around someone I used to live with inside and outside my own head...has now turned to Gold. The Alchemist strikes again!
I am not running the show here!
now please let me study!
Oh yeh and on essays, pick 3 different sources and use quotes, just 3 max from reading list, and use lectures and course text book. I have a tendency to try and invent the wheel, Johno theres no need :)