Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Pray, forgive, ask for what you want

This relationships issue from a few posts back
I needed to jeep forgiving
forgiving myself for the person that I was
forgiving the person for who they are
forgiving them for a part of them
which I find hard to accept
because I find it easy
and I am umpatient
ump patient is about right!!
I lice te typos sometimes :)
impatient that I want communication back
asquickly and as indepth as I try to

there is so much vagueness around
and as I found out from my own vagueness
it's usually a pride issue
either I want to hold something back
because u want you to be brholdent to me
or I want you to think I have special knowledge!
Or I am afraid if what you will think if me
or I have no idea how to respond
because I am full of emotion and need to step-10
or I daren't say I don't know
incase you think badly f me

as I say pride
yet mostly I seem to be able to be
honest around most things
pride generally doesn't stop me opening my mouth
or worrying about what you think of me
I have reaped the rewards over and over
of telling the truth
to the right person
except when to do so would injure...
Or I am gossipping
or scoring points
I am not perfect
at least I know mostly when these are
around and deal with it

anyway I saw the truth this week
I forgave you for shortcomings
and told the truth
I was prepared for rejection
and losing someone special
it didn't happen
I feel like it's more equal
it wasn't about me
other people have defects
other people even spiritually fit people
have Achilles heels
something glaring which needs real hard work
to reign in of level out
or patience, and tolerance by those around
like me
just like others do for my Achilles heels
any way
spring has sprung

I have dad and significant other
coming down for Easter
and I am nearly ready :)
I am knackered with decorating
yet realising it don't matter for them
yet I want it as nice as it can be
because when they are gone
I will reap the rewards
pride an act in my favour sometimes

I am ready to share my life with someone
well to share the chores!! Haha


chitowngreg said...

Nice, really nice. I'm planning to be with family for Easter as well. Going to my mother and brother's. Really looking forward to it. Have a good one!

Syd said...

Glad that your family is coming. I don't beat myself as much as I used to. I am gentler with myself.

Leon said...

was randomly surfing the blogs on blogspot and got into yours..

hope you are feeling better..being upset takes up a lot of energy.. better use all the energy on something more positive

best regrards from singapore


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