Sunday, November 27, 2005

You snooze, you lose

And with us, to drink is to die P66

In the realm of King Alcohol
with people whom know me
but dont themselves share the drink problem

infact we were just having a conversation about
the greater power of my own understanding
waitress took my order "cafe latte"
no alcohol was ordered at our table

Many questions came up about
alcoholism
mental, physical, spiritual
whats an alcoholic etc
all stuff that when i talk abt it,
it reminds me that I am an alcoholic
it reminds me that i am in the fellowship i believe in
it confirms to me that i do have faith in my own experience
and in the experience of others

i took a sip of my coffee....
the strange aroma n taste went up my nose
1st thought
"what the fcuks that ? mmm... no-one will know"
1st action
"taste that will ya, tell me whats in it"
urm its got booze in it
2nd action
pass to the other
nah its just coffee flavour
3rd action
leave it aside, cos I DONT KNOW WHATS IN IT
ITS MY SOBRIETY, MY RESPONSIBILTY

this proves to me
My insanity around alcohol is still there if i take a drink
I dont know if it was coffee flavor or booze,
it is the first drink that does the damage
if I asked enough people, they'll tell me what I wanted to hear
"its just coffee flavour!?"

even waitresses make mistakes
I am grateful that I am sober today
I am grateful that I didnt listen to my head
I am grateful that I took some action
some responsibility for my own sobriety

Asked why they commenced to drink again, they would
reply with some silly excuse, or none
P107

How silly would this have been
"I had to finish the latte off its probably really is only flavour,
as I woulnt get a drink for ages if i dont!!!"
but it did cross my mind
(it didnt cross my mind to just order
another coffee or some water either)
insane

Its just further evidence that proves if alcohol
or anything remotely like alcohol is in me
my insanity returns pretty fast
just incase i forgot

theres a drunken fairy
she just sits there waiting patiently
waiting for me to snooze
waiting to help me lose

Thank you God for reminding me
What i needed even when i didnt know I did

Grateful and sober
thank you God

Page refs Alcoholics Anonymous - Big Book

3 comments:

Trudging said...

I am greatful that you are sober too, honey.

NMAMFQLMSH said...

Wow....I'm glad you didn't drink the latte. Great post. Got me thinking and it hurts when I think..lol.
I see you,
JJ

Blue said...

Wonderful post, I tend to want to ask around till I get the response I want to hear also...

Besides coffee is bad for you anyhow
(j.k)