Thursday, December 08, 2005

Boring & Glum??? NO

I am grateful for...

6 fab days in Spain courtesy of A convention
meeting up with some amazing people
having a sun tan in December!!!
praying on the beach
feeling connected with my higher power
on a moonlit beach, waves gently lapping the shore
no fear, alone, me and God

the last time I was there I was drunk
I needed a reason OTHER than hanging around bars to return
i wanted to revisit old friends who own the bars
I met with them, they are still my friends
the number of years I have been absent didnt matter
the people that matter dont mind
they understood (kinda)

You gave me a reason, a purpose
I had so much fun
laughing like kids, with people I hardly knew
Collecting numbers, emails

In a step 1 meeting in another country
sharing with a 17day sober last night
reminded me loads
surreal, its the same message worldwide
I knew told me
but now i experienced it too in yet another country

I done it drunk
Now I done it sober

I got friends in meetings
I got choices today
You given me a life I never had before

My head stayed present 95% of the time
the wave of loneliness, came and went
i let it come and let it go
the big book holds some magic dust
reining my mind back with the tools

For someone who couldnt get out of bed
Couldnt speak to anyone
couldnt utter words of more than 1 syllable
couldnt look you in the eye, incase you spoke to me
was scared of speaking incase... incase
this is how it was for me
this is how it was for a long time drunk and sober

This week...its a miracle
I went alone, with the belief that I wouldnt be alone
For once, my own thinking was to be trusted
this convention was a gift from God
I did Gods will not mine last night
I came back to somewhere I like in Gods time, not mine

Its levelling out
Am becoming someone I like
Am starting to trust people are not humouring me
Am slowing with the thinking its all gonna go pear shaped
Lifes getting interesting
a day at a time
Its getting to be an adventure

Errr, thats not true, am fearing going to work tomorrow
just incase they decided I became indispensible
while i was away

Progress NOT Perfection

Thank you for another sober & safe day
Serenity... I got some
Peace ... I got some of that too
Sanity ... yeh no thinking about drinking
Part of ... this loving fellowship
Living ... yes i am

"God wants me... Happy Joyeous & Free"
Thank you Spain

Walk on water...
I had to come home
I started to believe anythings possible

1 comment:

Trudging said...

Spain, wow you are blessed.