Sunday, December 25, 2005

One Amazing Day

I am grateful for

Waking up without fear
getting bath n breakfasted
saying my prayers
reading daily reflections
Thy will not mine be done

Leaving the house in plenty of time
dressing becomingly
having my own transport
the roads being clear
the weather being dry
being in the present moment

arriving early
calling my family
sharing the excitement of Father Christmas's visit
being willing
having dressed warm
having a conversstion without discussing recovery
just keeping it very light
trying my best
not giving up, even when i thought i wasnt in the right place

being reminded our post IS important even when it doing appear so
seeing the importance of all parts no matter how small
sulking cos, i wasnt a larger part
thinking about what being a part of means

walking round talking, paying attention
giving it a go
not sitting waiting for it to happen
having a game of table football
losing 11-1 and still smiling
someone shooting up
reminding me how feeling safe is not enough

doing fire duty
feeling like i got nothing in common with these people
feeling like am ready for going home time
continuing doing it anyway just for excersize
something telling me, it doesnt matter about what i think
its none of my business whether i have anything in common
it works because there are "too" many of us
it works because we do it together
it works because we are not all the same
it works because its unpaid
it works because we all want to be there
it works because there are no staff shortages
it works because its LOVE & SERVICE

HALT i am tired, things are becoming strained
Waiting for the debrief, i wanted to cry
i saw someone who was going to a meeting across town
i wanted to go to bed
i wanted to stay for the meeting here
Principles before Personality
AA is not a social group, even on Christmas day
Dont quit, your job is not yet done

I sat in the meeting knowing no-one, feeling tired
its warm, and safe
i drifted off during the chair
and came too
and drifted, wishing i was in bed
a few shared back, still sleepy

then i heard it...
"My names xxx I am an alcoholic
its my 1st day sober... i have been waiting
all day until 5pm for this meeting to start
i want to get sober...."
To share back, in its simplest form
was enough to wake me up
to give me a reason to turn up tomorrow
to show me that even when I (the great me)
has know idea what I have in common with anyone
I dont know what I dont know
God really does move in mysterious ways

There are at least 4 people around tomorrow
inc me who want to stay sober
and theres another meeting tomorrow night
Dont quit before the miracle
The meeting ended magically for me
Lots of love, a few tears of gratitude
Hope followed us out
fellowship remained
Love is in the air

I have come home, had a warm bath
ate some of my favourite things
listened to "My favourite things"
and now I am going to bed
For that I am very grateful

Its all helping me understand this brotherly/sisterly love
this friend amongst friends
worker amongst workers
AA amongst AA''s
its not all about me
but if i can make a difference
with my experience thats a gift
its not my job to fix the world
being part of a process is enough
behind the scenes is important
its also rewarding
lots of parts make a beautiful whole
keep letting go, again and again, and again

Am grateful you gave me a beautiful smile
Which I can give to the world

My Primary purpose is to stay sober
& help other alcoholics acheive sobriety

Thy will not mine be done
let go let god

Another lesson in humility learned today

Thank you for another safe and sober day


Trudging said...

What is fire duty?? Your meeting sounds great!

johno said...

fire duty is part of the shift i was doing yesterday, watching an area incase of dropped cigarettes, potential fire risks. It wasnt part of the meeting. The meeting part of the services available. The meeting was magical yesterday & today. Some very new & people with the gift of desperation.

Ingenue, Interrupted said...

"Don't quit before the miracle"

I think I'll take that advice and raise you a-

"Don't drink if your ass falls off or turns to gold"
-Ingenue (As told to her by Sponsor)