Saturday, December 10, 2005

I am grateful for

Not lying in bed thinking for too long today
Doing some step4
Having a bath
Eating
Doing the stuff I intended to...
Meeting up with someone
Going to the theatre with someone else
Enjoying being in the moment
Sharing stuff
Listening

Having a friend take my inventory
Finding out I am...
LAZY
CHRONICLY SELF CENTRED
SELFISH
My time is far more important than my employers...
(well it must be if I am to be judged upon my actions)
just because I dont turn up on time to work
see that "just because" minimising my behaviour
thats how important it isnt to me
if it was, i wouldnt do it
getting away with it, cos I can
i dont want that, not really
i am waiting to get disciplined
then i can pull out the poor me's
shouldov, i wish i hads...

Frickin ell...
too many similarities for this to be untrue
Now I know the truth...
do I choose to sit in denial & dishonesty
or face up and be willing to change

psssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhh
that was the sound of my ego being punctured

honesty
acceptance
openminded
willingness
action

how many people am I gonna talk it through with
before I actually try it
how many years am i gonna live like this
try the suggestions a day at a time, for a couple of weeks
see what happens
I cant, i am on holiday for some of that...
NO EXCUSES
try it anyway

am grateful for
outing my envy
I am no longer alone
experiencing it, without having to isolate
that it didnt drag me down today
having friends who tell me what I need to hear

a sober day in recovery
the truth

the truth, i can deal with

2 comments:

Trudging said...

I know for me lying in bed and thinking is a killer. I am glad you got up.

Blue said...

My sponsor just recently told me that when I get those as you put it “lying in bed” thoughts to tell myself that they aren’t real then tell someone else to get the out of my head. It’s very easy for me to get stuck in that bed… congrats on getting out