Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I am grateful for...Accepting I am Lazy!


Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and
the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
P58 Alcoholics Anonymous

I am grateful for.....
Finding out & accepting
I AM lazy & selfish re my work punctuality
Monday got up earlier, did the suggestions, still late
but with different attitude
today, got up earlier, and got to work ON TIME
with a different attitude

I choose to get to meetings on time
because i guess it suits me
the people who have what I want turn up early
stay after

I choose to stay in bed longer and get to work late
I choose to lie there with "all the people in my head"
its a choice, my bed time is more important than my employers
its my choice to make the time up, they have no choice
its all going my way, they dont discipline me
Selfish, chronically self centred, lazy.
LAZY!!!! ME THE GREAT ME
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH
yes its true when you put it like that
okay, okay, okay OKAYYYYY

I prayed last night, for my Higher Powers help
on my laziness, envy, selfish, inconsiderateness
and prone to waste money... now I have a little reserve
I prayed for me to live in the solution to these defects
to have loving thoughts, to be useful
to have consideration for other people time
to not waste money

I prayed it all again this morning
something happens when i pray like i mean it
even when its through gritted teeth
even when i stayed in the bath a little to long "with the people in my head"

I got to work on time....NOW THATS A MIRACLE

Am grateful for a sober day
having a sense of humour
for the meeting being fun tonight
for someone making it back after a drink last week
for being trusted
for being honest at work
for practicing To Thine Own self Be true at work
for my appraisal going better than expected

for being honest about my timekeeping
for my employer, overlooking this "difficulty"
(even when i get honest & not improve, they still chose not to discipline me)
(how can that be ????!!!)
for being willing to try and change my lateness
from an entirely different angle
for being willing to change... a day at a time
for finally seeing my lateness finally as part of my acting out
another "old idea" i hadnt be ready or willing to let go of
dishonest behaviour going on since childhood
like the late nights
i dont want to or need to be like this anymore

Progress NOT Perfection
Easy Does it but Do it
Day At A Time

3 comments:

Trudging said...

"I choose to lie there with "all the people in my head" Yep been there done that honey. If you find a solution let me know.

NMAMFQLMSH said...

yeah..me too please.
i see you,
jj

Blue said...

I have to remember that I have to be entirely ready to have God remove ALL these defects of character, which stand in the way of my usefulness to Him and others. Not just the ones I want to get rid of. Such a hard thing for me to deal with at times, great post & good reminder
Thanks