Today

You know it's only about today
yet today is as a consequence of yesterday
this week I have been resting more
real dedicated quiet time
out loud prayer time
Reading

acknowledging areas
which need work on
taking steps or a step to see what needs to be done

acknowledging God did for me
what I couldn't do for myself
if I could of, I would have
it's true
I accepted that even tho
I knew what I needed
I couldn't do it
so he took drastic action instead
so often I see in others
the opportunities to change
turn towards the easier softer way
and for me, just when I think
I have managed to have
this attitude of willingness
to go to any length
in everything
I find there is something
I can't change
because I have no faith
in this area because
to have faith requires
blindness trust in god
not a human
not me

so here I am
heading into the furnace
yet
I will not turn away
I know not what will happen
but I have faith that I will
be brought closer to God
i will be a witness to His power
his love

being shaped
old stuff being broken
new stuff being broken
some some gets strengthened

still I know that all the suffering
also brings great joy
all the recovering
brings perfect moments

sometimes I want to check out, die
sometimes sitting with it is unbearable
yet somehow knowledge of my
condition, human condition
makes it more bearable
the greats of this world
has shortcomings
mental physical
yet strong in spirit