Saturday, December 25, 2010


I had a lovely day
Woke up in it
And went to church
Acted as if and
Went round greeted everyone
By the end i was in a good mood
Kids and tots were in cheeky cute mode
Which always makes ne laugh
Theres time when they are
Damn rude
Today they were just cute
And their timing to make noises
Perfect !! :-)

After took time with
Cooked dinner for
Simple stuff
Which helps me aswell
You know that
Yet earthlings dont understand
I receive, thru helping her
Gave her a safe few hours
No one knocking on her door
No one after anything ofd her
Nothing to feed her paranoia
Shes an Addict,
not 12 step as such
I have no experiience
She is a friend at church
In need, and rejected by her family
Because of her addiction
Attitude and the company she kept keeps
To me she is a yet
And i see through it all
I see her eyes
I feel her pain
Yet recognise my powerlessness
I pray and stand next to her
Yet she has learnt me
How to not fix or try to
And when i do i am the one
Who ends up exhausted
Addiction wins
So i combat it with kindness
Unconditional love
And just by being her friend
Not promising anything
Not asking anything from her
Just being her friend
She commented on my normal living
On several occasions
And just said she will learn
How to rebuild all this in rehab
Which she is talking about
More and more
I dropped her off this evening
And went to ger flat
It was the opposite of my house
Stuff everywhere
Tidy but so much stuff
Impulse buying
I relate to it all
Yet recognise how
Nowadays i dont buy buy buy
I have done
Incase of running out
Buying because im worth it
Buying randomly food inpulses
Yet nothing substantial to create a meal
Eating all the offer stuff
And leaving it in fridge til its gone off

I am not perfect
But i am not living like that
And i can see how to slip back to it
Doing alone
No recovery fellowship or programme
She kept saying this is not
Normal living
I said it is normal living for an addict
This isnt how it has to b
And rehab will help you change
She said it again
I said it again
And again
Who knows when her time
Will come
I know this is what christmas is about
If the god and jesus story is correct
Christmas is not about the sales
And excess
Its about providing and sharing
Love and kindness
I feel grateful

Last week i posted
About why have i been given
What i have
With no one to
Share it with
Well today i shared it
And tonight i collected a
Newcomer again
And took him to a meeting
I feel really part of
My local fellowship
Made friends :-)
Already in 2 weeks!!

I have been given these
Material gifts
To share with those who
Havent for
Whatever reason
Thank you

Vigilance required
I received a harmless
Inch long Chocolate christmas pudding
And chocolate robin
I always check whats in
Especially if it says truffle
The pudding had rum in it
It dint fear me
I didnt know what to do with it
This inch long thing :)
I feel blessed it made me laugh
No fear, just baffled what to do with it
See i cant throw alcohol away
Doesnt happen much as i dont hve it around
Yet this thing i couldnt throw :-)
So on my way out
I put it on someones windscreen!!
And went to my meeting

This afternoon i had some chill out time
And this eve, watched some tv
And ate pizza

Spoke to my brother
And tmoro off to dads
Joy of having a car
And neighbours who share
Pet feeding with :-)
I feed their lizard locusts!!
Its not too bad holding locusts :-)

Hope u had safe and peaceful day :-)

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