Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Sit listen
Listen to learn
Its no diffrent
Better to be sitting in a meeting
Listening to others
Experience strength and hope
Than at home
Restless irritable and discontented
Trying to believe that
It will be different tomoro
Seems this us how it is
At the moment
Faking it doesnt feel right
Deciding to go away next year
365 days before next year
Is not the answer ;-)

It is how it is
Christmas comes once a year
And lasts a while
Each year there is stuff to do
Each year has a different feel
As i am in a different place
Inside each year

This year again its about service
And taking care of myself
The needs of others
And my own

What is all this teaching me?
I am not comfortable with any area
Of my life at the moment
I'm not happy
Work - been at risk redundancy many times
Got thru due to being a good worker nowadays
Yet job changed that much that
I dont like it or its principles
Learning stuff which
I am no longer intetested in
It doesnt feel right anymore
Yet jumping out into nothin
When i dont have to...
Feels scary
Yet sayin i dont have to
Feels dishonest because
I feel like to be happy or
Less uncomfortable
I do need to jump out
Even if i have nothin lined up
Feels abit like what a hippie would do
And i feel abit like thats what
I want to do
Be abit reckless
I dont mean drink and smoke dope
I mean just leave the 9-5
Play music and see what comes up
I never had no job
Feels ungrateful
Considering leaving
Yet feels like my integrety is
Being challenged while i stay
And my creative spirit
Is crippled
Thats how it feels

Comparing myself with others
In relationships
Miffed cos again i fall for someone
In relationship so i reign it all in
And dont go there
Yeh doing stuff i enjoy
An falling for likeminded
Similar interests someone
Is also progress and natural
And gives me hope of somekind
That i am on the right path
Albeit moving slowly
Well crawling... Even so
Moving forwards
Rather than random unknowns
Forced dating
Starting with chemistry or lust if u like
And trying to make it work
Seems wrong way around for me

I want some spontaneous
Freedom in romance
Or something like
When ya never had it
And possibly moving into
An arena where self restraint
And Gods will are high up
Then it does things to me
Stopped before i got started
Seems unfair

i need to strip back down
To basics
Go to meetings
Help newcomers
To thine own self be true
Pray for Gods will for me
And the power to carry it out

Unless there's another angle
To look at this from
That i cannot see for myself?
Something i'm missing?

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