Wednesday, December 01, 2010

And the next... 48 hours - Flowers never Bend in the Rainfall

Feels like a purge going on...
no idea what
getting in touch with
deep something but not really knowing
still vague

the beginnings of a song came
at weekend
I wonder if its related
didnt push what I thought
I SHOULD be doing
and just did
I am exhausted

When they say mentally drained
is that because all thought
all the spin has disappeared
no sign of thinking going on
this is much deeper
between heart and soul
not head and heart
blurred tho
no clarity
still deep

recorded song
even this feels fake
even this feels like
what I feel when I sing
the moment has passed
and so does it still
mean anything?
are my songs a lie even?

I remember feeling like this before
first time in recovery was
during step 5
sitting with sponsor
airing my resentments and defects
and being opened up further
to explore angles and alternative
ways of thinking I could never
have come up with myself
hence the need to do steps WITH a sponsor
the challenges it brings
to look at my thinking and behaviour
from an entirely different angle
and then to actually take this on board
accept its worth a shot and may actually
be a better way
then putting in the action and letting go
of the outcome
yeh the results were phenominal
and continue to be

Sleep, dreams, nightmares
same old same old
Trust the process

continue to continue
keep on keeping on
its all as it should be!

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