Thursday, September 01, 2005

RELAPSE TO DEAD IN 8 WEEKS

Some of us have tried to hold onto our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely P58

My old manner of life was by no means a bad one, but I would not exchange its best moments for the worst I have now. P43

If their old relationship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work P99

For a while they would be their old sweet selves, only to dash the new structure of affection to pieces once more P107

But all problems will not be solved at once. Seed has started to sprout in a new soil, but growth has only begun. In spite of your new-found happiness, there will be ups and downs. Many of the old problems will still be with you. This is as it should be. P117

You will lose the old life to find one much better P120

Family confidence in dad is rising high. The good old days will soon be back, they think.....Though the old buildings will eventually be replaced by finer ones,the new structures will take years to complete. p123

The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt -- and one more failure P151

Again it was the old, insidiousinsanity -- that first drink P154

He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will knowloneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-offplace. He will wish for the end P152

A friend of mine commited suicide this week, she relapsed in June, had a nervous breakdown, and now she is dead. A progressive illness, RELASPE TO DEAD IN 8 WEEKS. Her last messages to me were ones of loneliness & a need for the light to be shed on her darkness.

ITS A KILLER ILLNESS, IT WANTS TO GET US ON OUR OWN AND KILL US.

DONT EVER LISTEN TO YOUR OLD THINKING JOHNO, CHECK IT OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO KNOWS (ME) BETTER BEFORE ACTING OUT ON IT.

YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL OR DIFFERENT, DO IT OR DIE

Am grateful to have known Kim, in such a short time, we became friends

AA am grateful that i am alive and sober today, with a Sponsor thats shoots from the big book.

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves COULD restore us to sanity" P59 by getting honest about my, old obsessive/destructive behaviour which i didnt know what to do with, except suffer with alone & dishonestly act out on, with fear. I got some hope tonight & a little calm. I became willing.

From what I can see & correct me when i am wrong, hanging on to, or acting out on, OLD ideas/thinking/behaviour only brings misery & pain... according to what I read in the Big Book tonight.

All pages quoted from Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book)

Kim VS you are with the Angels, no longer suffering

7 comments:

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doughgirl said...

Johno

my prayers go out to you and her family. She is at peace now and this diease no longer troubles her, but it shows us what it will be like should we choose to pick up again.
I feel her pain...but for the grace of God...

sirreene said...

I am so sorry. I too had a friend in the program who after 15 years went out and chose this end, after telling me. It was awful. We found my friend, still alive. She spent 19 days in ICU and died. I pass that hospital when I go to work now 12 years later. It is a reminder for me every day what could happen to me if I slip...

NMAMFQLMSH said...

It is a killer. Lord knows I would have died. Sorry about Kim.

Trudging said...

I am really sorry. Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am.

Rusty said...

I'm really sorry about your friend. Thank you for reminding me how serious this evil affliction is and that we always have to take it seriously. Be well.

johno said...

there but for the Grace of God go I. Amen