Sunday, September 04, 2005

Walking upright again

Today i am grateful for

waking without fear
letting myself rest
knowing when i was starting to isolate & getting up
for having a washing machine at home
for not having self pity
for feeling worth it
for doing some tidying
for doing some step10s
for starting my gratitude list early
for having a purpose in life
for feeling useful
for the texts i got today
for seeinmg how other peoples have fears for me
for the mirror that was put in front of me
for my progress in the last two years

for feeling that this really is time for spiritual growth
for wanting to change
for being willing to change
for feeling part of many
for having clean water to drink
for the sun shining
for having a south and west facing home
for not having to go out to get some rays

for having a meeting to go to later
for having agreed to call back one of my "Help" people this afternoon
for being teacheable
for the seed of Al-anon being rewatered again last night
for knowing its being watered for a reason
for not having to know why today

for feeling an inner strength
for not dreading work tomorrow
for the acknowledging i had a void
for also seeing its not as big as my head told me it was going to be
for seeing my head is not to be trusted
for not regretting the past
for having so much gratitude so early in the day

for calling the "help" person back
for what was on offer to me
for being told to have confidence in my own ability to make a decision
for reading How it works instead of calling up someone for advice on advice
for allowing someone else in
for having confidence in my own abilities
for allowing a change to take place
for being teachable
for making some room for spiritual growth
for making a decision to talk further

for calling someone up about a change in my meetings next week
for explaining why without my pride getting in the way
for passing ion my experiences in the last 24hours
for accepting that there are lots of happy people over 10 years sober
for seeing how dependent i have been
for not beating myself up

for going to a meeting
for it being step4
for seeing my emotional security is a biggie
for seeing that its ok to start the steps over
for seeing its my pride only that says "oh god i might have to start again"
for hearing the benefits of going back & doing it different
for hearing this is not about doing a perfect 12 step programme
for listening to the positives
for seeing my perfectionism/controlfreakness is strangling
for not sitting apart, for getting in the middle front
for not listening to my head that i have nothing to pass on today

for going for coffee with someone new
for doing what i do normally
for having purpose
for letting go
for opening my mind further today

for this 1930's tiled floor under my lino
for finishing renovating my wooden floor
for having a home
for being safe
for being sober
for being alive
for being hopeful & with purpose
for being on this big adventure
for having a loving Higher Power
for a growing inner peace
for keeping things very very simple
for you showng me whats going on outside my "world"
for being grateful

1 comment:

Trudging said...

Wow, what a list. Thank you for sharing.