Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Today feel a new freedom


i am looking at the world through my own eyes
i am seeing it, feeling it for myself, not what i think you want me to see, feel
i am making a conscious contact with the truth, with reality
living every moment myself
i am not alone
i have to and want to
i am experiencing
my mind has further opened
my eyes wider opening
my God there really are no limits
there is a whole load of new sharing or is it?
i am hearing, same people, different ears (mine)
also listening to different people

i thought i would never survive if Friday ever happened
what do i know anyway...
i have extra time appeared from nowhere
the minutes seem like hours, God what a gift
i feel some freedom in my heart in my spirit
i have my own thoughts new thoughts, based upon proven results,
gained through my experience, not old ideas or vague maybes
i am not thinking what you would tell me to do
i am doing what i know works already
i am keeping on
it still works even without you being there
i havent fallen over
the sky didnt fall in

3 obsessions i let go of Friday
another "acting out" i ditched it all Sunday
all i have is a daily reprieve
thats all i need, because i only have today
if i can do something for 12 hours.....
how many things am i doing effortlessly JUST FOR TODAY
a frikkin miracle
honesty, openmindedness, willingness
all i have to do is try
progress not perfection
no i dont know it all
all i know is that it continues to work, while i work it
its my job to continue to work it
is this what independence feels like?


i asked myself who let go of who?
i was already letting go
i already decided not to go no further the way i felt with you and the step8/9
i already knew we wasnt working
i just didnt know what to do about it
i thought we HAD to make it work
i thought it was down to you to sort it out
if it was down to you i could be the victim

i dont want to be a victim to anyone anymore
since Friday i dont feel a victim nor victor
rejected, abandoned....
nope they dont fit, i am glad i checked them out for size
relieved, hopeful, useful, with purpose, part of....
yep they fit
i feel ok
you did the right thing
i was ready to move on
i just didnt know how
thank you for sponsoring me
thank you for letting me go
its time to grow
am grateful for this magical mysterious fellowship i am part of
God moves in mysterious ways
am grateful for that too


I see that i am improving on being...
a friend amongst friends, worker amongst workers, part of a family
I also see that some people...
may always know me as emotionally dependent on them
They may be right, i dunno what the future holds
i am no saint, i just do my best
All i have is a daily reprieve from my defects, flaws, difficulties, obsessions
Its my job to take action, do the right things
my job to kick these into remission for the happiness of myself and others
there are no days off
am grateful for all this stuff


Trudging said...

Great post! I am glad you survived.


Wonderful post.