Sunday, October 30, 2005

Grit teeth... Acceptance is the answer....Blind faith

Is this really what I got to do?

Instead of work being so important
Accept it for what it is
it just enables me
to pay my bills
to be in a comfortable space
to feed me

Its what I do outside of work that feeds my spirit
The fellowship
The giving for free
Giving freely of what i been given
The stuff that costs me no money
The stuff that I spend no money
That gives me that filled up feeling
Not the stuff I do for money

Am grateful for the movie i saw last night
A snapshot of a young traveller girls life
I Remembered living in a tent for a time
Getting out of bed and having wet feet
The filling up my kettle at the tap on a pipe
The waking up in the fresh air
Listening to Mother Nature
Seeing Mother Nature
When i had nothing i was equally as "happy" as i am now
Or is it less is more
the less i had the more full i felt
it was brief, but it was there

Even that wasnt real... or was it
Living in a tent... working in the city
I got a feeling am on the verge of something
can it really be that simple ?
not a tent, but openmindedness is the key
pay attention, watch, listen & learn

Need to look at this stuff
Back to basics
Is the need to have this flat so important ?
Is my belongings that important ?

Am I hanging on to materials unnecessarily ?
Whats the most important thing ?
What could I do without ?

God grant me some honesty around this financial insecurity
How honest am i being?
If my job got took away, i could manage for a time without
how long for ?
okay okay... i get the picure
But others have money in the bank too
This is NOT about others
This is about me
me finding out who i am
finding out what am comfortable with
finding out what am uncomfortable with
taking a risk to find out
who i am, my authentic self
and then learn how to live with me

Let go again
Let go of my power struggles at work
I may not get to enjoy
If I have the anxiety pains I had last week
What i have is enough... it really is
when i ask myself
"what is it that i really want money for, that i dont have now?"
the answer is not something that money can buy
Love, filled up feeling, peace of mind

Money & Ambition... Ambition drivin by Money
Its really not that important…is it ?

It doesnt mean taking what i have for granted
it doesnt mean abusing what is
it doesnt mean being ungrateful for what i have
if am living in the brace position around work
am running on self will, not Gods Will

Am grateful to be able to think & not act today

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
the courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference

God grant me patience & acceptance around this stuff
Show me your will and the power to carry it out
please

When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable
things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful,
He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and
performed His work well. Established on such a footing we
became less and less interested in ourselves, our own little
plans and designs. More and more we became interested in
seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power
flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we
could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His
presence, we began to loseour fear of today, tomorrow or
the hereafter. We were reborn P63 Alcoholics Anonymous

I WANT THIS, "BUT" ITS HARD
let go abso fucking lutely or the result with be NILLLLLLLLLLLL
Do or die Johno,
oh so your back aswell... here comes the fricking Drama Queen
stop being so dramatic,
why wait til your backs against the wall this time?
this isnt game over ... its only just begun... stop wrestling with the pigs
just do it
but
just do it
:-
:-
anylengths
grrr

1 comment:

NMAMFQLMSH said...

I have been trying to simplify my life for a while now. Getting rid of a lot of STUFF. Going back to basics. Material things that don't mean anything. Downsizing you might say. I also got rid of a lot of riff raff. In other words if you a person and you are full of shit - you are no longer on my list of people. Hang in there.
Peace,
JJ
PS: The best gifts - the best things in life really are free. People who lift my spirits. Small things like the plant I thought was dying is coming back to life brings me great joy. OMG...just tell me to shut up now.