Monday, January 09, 2006

I am grateful and also am scared

My mums scans being clear
my mum being in a positive mood today
the oncologist being positive
being sober

having said that i am
feeling scared... people drink when their mums get ill/die
i feeling abit lost
i dont feel strong
am ill aswell which dont help
this too shall pass
i need to have faith
lean on my higher power

natural instinct is to tell everyone
those i tell just say am doing the right things
it dont seem like am doing enough
i guess I just have to have faith
i been honest with them
they can see better than me at the moment

Day at a time
whether i drink or not is not my business
i can only put in the footwork
do the right things
seek counsel

let go

God I offer myself to thee, to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Take away my difficulties so that victory over them may bear witness to those I may help. Of thy Power, thy Love and thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always. Amen

any other ideas ?


Blue said...

I am sorry to hear about your Mom, I will keep her (& you) in my prayers.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by going back to basics, meetings, talking, praying, and having faith. All good things, sometimes hard things but they do work. When I was in a tough spot and didn’t know what to do next a friend of mine suggested that I go back to being an alcoholic, we have a solution for that. And the rest of it would work it’s self out, God’s Will will not take you where God’s Grace cannot keep you.

That and no matter what a drink will not make things better

Rex said...

We can’t escape problems and negativity. Escaping just brings denial and suppression - we continue to carry the problem with us. Ironically, it is our lack of acceptance and resistance to the problem that creates the pain. Resistance builds up an energy wall or block that, if not discharged, gets suppressed into the body. These blocks identify places where we have not enough understanding or love.

For health, we must work through what we seek to avoid. How do we do this? We can love parts of ourselves that we don’t like. We can seek the lessons we are being invited to learn through the problem. We can examine our beliefs and seek to see different perspectives and a bigger picture. As our perspectives grow, more of life makes sense and has meaning.

"The Lord is a good psychologist: he knows the way our minds run. Turmoil can be the Lord's way of tapping us on the shoulder and saying, 'Don't forget me.'"

-- Eknath Easwaran

thought maybe this poem would help. It certainly has helped me remember why and how to get past times of struggle.

dAAve said...

My Mom (82) had 3 strokes back in October. I had to put her in a skilled nursing facility as she can't eat or speak. I visit her almost every day. At 2.5 years sober, I know that I can't do much more. Prayer and faith have gotten her through this and her strength helps me tremendously.
It's a HUGE growth opportunity for me. If I were to drink, I would not be doing my HP's will. That would be the most selfish act I could take.

johno said...

thanks guys