I Have Faith

"The Lord is a good psychologist: he knows the way our minds run. Turmoil can be the Lord's way of tapping us on the shoulder and saying, 'Don't forget me.'"-- Eknath Easwaran

"It takes a lot of experience of life to see why some relationships last and others do not. But we do not have to wait for a crisis to get an idea of the future of a particular relationship. Our behavior in little every incidents tells us a great deal." Eknath Easwaran

"Patience can't be acquired overnight. It is just like building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it." Eknath Easwaran

"Through meditation and by giving full attention to one thing at a time, we can learn to direct attention where we choose." Eknath Easwaran


Through all this week,
even though i needed some reassurance
my faith has been massive,
like never before

I now see why i am still here, not there

as the week has gone on
i have seen how cancer touches other family members
even though they havent got it
their sister has

we all get scared
we all behave different
misinterpretation
projection
selective hearing
paralysis

thank God I PAY ATTENTION
my fear of drinking...
yeah it would be very selfish wouldnt it
this too also passed

I made my amends last year to my mum
she wrote and asked for my forgiveness
for the bits she didnt get right
i have racked my brains for months
to see what she meant, which bits etc
finally talked it through with Sponsor
cos there is nothing i wouldnt forgive her for
but how do i say it...

yesterday i told her Yes I forgive her
and she told me that
it means alot to her
to have my forgiveness
and that she can now have a peaceful life
Sleep well mum I love you

Leave it be now Johno, let go

this morning i woke, with this calm, quiet
it wouldnt shake off
its eerie, surreal...

there are no coincidences

two more tests today
possible she goes home tomorrow
plan is to start chemo next week

Its a beautiful day

Thanks ODAAT Rex for introducing me to Eknath Easwaran

Thanks God for giving me a strength
that I am not even aware i have at times