Whenever my sponsor tells me am analysing
My response is... well you did ask me how I am!!
I wouldnt have said if you hadnt asked
Thankfully it doesnt happen so much nowadays
(Usually when I have balked at inventory for a few days)
I posted not long ago
I have a tendency to blog instead of Step10 & pray
Even though the results of Step10 & prayer
Inventory, prayer and helping others is the X factor
Sharing my will and my life on a blog is not going to keep
me from alcoholic death or insanity
Taking Daily inventory
Improving my conscious contact
and immersing my physical, mental self into step 9
Doing, not thinking
Last night I surrendered my will & my impatience over
Taken sponsors suggestion on trust re step 9
Had a nightmare in the night!!
Every single step, when i surrender to it
i mean every step, when i let go of predicting, manipulating
accept & just do, see what happens, keep it simple
I have a nightmares for little while
Nowadays I am grateful for them
For me its evidence I am in surrender mode
Honest, willing and openminded
For me I see it now as my UNconscious
processing the change, my mind still works even when I am asleep
Even if consciously I am doing the right things, prayer, inventory
to combat fear.... when I am asleep, I am powerless
This is a cunning baffling powerful illness
It absolutely does not want me to take this step
It knows its another step away from a drink
Not another step towards
Nightmares, unmanageability, physically sick
yeah I'll start the step when am feeling better!!!!!!!!!
HAVE YOU HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE?
I have, so am gonna crack on with step 9 regardless of how am
feeling, its a program of action.
Follow sponsors suggestions. Thats all!!
FIRST THINGS FIRST
I have to do this step
Step9 is "in line with" Gods will,
so I MUST exert every ounce of my will to do it
NOT blog.... If you catch me blogging,
ask me if am half way through my amends yet
Or just ignore my posts!!!!
Be ruthless, you have my permission
I want what you have
I did say I would go to any length
I still do & will
Let go Let God