Sunday, September 16, 2007

We are not saints - Running on empty

Tried the patience of a saint
Tired of waiting
Tried the patience of an angel
We are not saints P60

Waiting for the results of my exam
Dealing with an incompetent lawyer
Accepting at times the unacceptable
Taking action
Taking inventrory
Giving freely
Working with newcomers
Passing it on
Turning up for work
restraint of tongue and pen
Doing all the next right things
(well not all, am not perfect)
Handing it over
letting go of the outcome
to the nest of my ability
Keeping on Keeping on
Accpeting powerlessness and taking action

Is all very tiring
I just got empty
I wanted someone to give to me

The difference today is that
I called my sponsor and said
I dont want advice
I dont want fixing
I just need someone to listen to me
and just listen
thats not going to give advice
or go poor me
To speak TO someone thats not wanting from me
is that ok?

She did just that
And then said I was just empty
JUST EMPTY - yeh it was the perfect description
Apparantly even Jesus sometimes took himself off
and had time out..without telling his mates
Well if its good enough for Jesus
Well its good enough for Johno

So I have been spending more time nurturing
my relationship with Him, thats with God as I understand Him
Not Jesus
NOT blogging
Not composing Posts in my head through the day
Not thinking about blogger or facebook
yeh I think about you people, the difference today is
I know your well being is not dependent upon my posts
I know my wellbeing is not dependent on reading your posts
See theres progress for me...
My reliance is on Him, not people
Practicing these principles
Being of service in all my affairs
Relatives, work colleagues... sill suffering

I have along way to go
Step 11 it seems is a journey in itself
I just do what makes me feel good TODAY
I just do what makes me feel good at the moment
And am continually finding out more and more
More is revealed

Nurturing my relationship with the Highest Love
Is the most important thing I need to do each day
and maintaining it

In a desperately needy moment this week
I turned towards, asked his care and protection
I asked God to love me this week
Just to love me, to empty my mind and fill it with Him
to shut my head up so I could hear him
What I got back is very healing, fulfilling

What is this but a miracle of healing? Yet its elements are simple. Circumstances made him willing to believe. He humbly offered himself to his Maker-then he knew. P57

God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. P164
I made a beginning, wrote some songs or are they poems today...

I have never read any Susan Jeffers books
I bought "Embracing Uncertainty" a few years ago
and read the first few pages
The other night I got out of bed and took it off my shelf
It seemed to be that still small voice telling me
God said the other night that should read it

The next day I jokingly said I should go to
Control Freaks Anonymous
And then got a little freaked out when
I read the words "Control Freaks Anonymous"
on the next page the next day...
There are no coincidences
Sometimes I have to put even the simplest things
like what I read in Gods hands

we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned.P100

I read very little except AA literature
During the first 3-4 years of recovery
Mainly because I couldnt concentrate
Or it didnt seem to fit and was hard work
I have built up a small library of books
which jumped out off the shelves...
I know you know what I mean
Nothing goes to waste in recovery it seems
Even so, I am amazed how far I have come
without reading this stuff
yet it all seems like stuff that fits
You guys did all the reading for me
And gave me what I needed when I needed it
my antennae, just picked up the right
Bits at the times it was needed seemed
God did for me what I couldnt do for myself

I've put down Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus
for the time being
I havent handed my will and my life over to the care
of Susan Jeffers as I understand her
But she has already suggested
A way for me to improve my faith
I wonder whats in store for me tomorrow
I wonder whats in Gods Plan for me

The need to improve my relationship with God
is more important for the moment
I have no idea what is store
All in Gods Hands

Even so has God restored us all to our right minds. To this man, the revelation was sudden. Some of us grow into it more slowly. But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him. P57

God is lovely to me
When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us! P57

1 comment:

Syd said...

Beautiful Johno. I have given up reading other material too. I used to read all kinds of books. Now I mostly read AA or Al-Anon literature. It is soothing to me.