Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Mondays stuff

Alarm went off 5.30
I snoozed it, til 6.50
Then nearly gave up cos I now would be late
Err late for what?
Late for the meeting of course...
So theres no point in going is there
Can you see how my heads going?
Talking me out of antythung
Dragged myself out of bed at 6.15
Stressing I would be late
Feeling the same physical chest pains
Cant breathe properly
Whats this? Like a panic attack? I dunno?
I get this every day pretty much..
Week days
An now I am feeling it, just about going to a meeting
More about NOT getting to the meeting ate
See now I see how really sick I am!...
Afraid of being late for a meeting...

See last week
I realised that I have to change my attitude before anything will change
And I see that praying and willingness is just now enough
Doing the chair last week at the early meeting
It was effortless getting there
See I was giving, I had a purpose
That was not about money or ego
Over the weekend, I sat in meetings
Where I am looking to move to and realised that
Its time for me to take/receive again from our
Huge loving fellowship
Receive unconditionally
Friendship in the new area, stability
5 years sobriety... means nothing
On this portion of my life
I need help i a different way to early recovery
But the meetingas and fellowship
Will do for me what I cant do for myself
In the new area I am making friends already!!
And I haven’t even moved down yet!
This morning I got to the meeting about 7.45
Late! Yeh and then obsessed about whether I would get to work on time
See the dishonesty and fear... that drives me
Nowhere in my head di I say well done for getting there to myself!
Mtng finishes at 8.30 I went and got toast and was at my desk 8.45
15 mins early AGAIN...
AA and the meetings are there for me, its my turn to lean on it
I cant get to work on time
The meetings will helps me...
A Power greater than myself!

1 comment:

Syd said...

I don't have much desire these days about work but I make my meetings. Funny how priorities have changed.