Saturday, August 30, 2008

Step 3 is required...

What usually happens? The show doesn´t come off very well. He begins to think life doesn´t treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony? P61

This week
Financial insecurity
and a feeling like
what was is not working
therefor do not delay
and do something
about it NOW

Obviously self will says
well I am not doing anything
until I know
exactly how it will be
when I have done it
and pain & risk limitation
has been reduced to a minimum

Faith says
enough now
no need to know
do the right thing
not driven by fear
and self will
pray for patience and tolerence
pray for fear to be removed
pray for faith
pray for restraint of tongue and pen
pray for willingness
you will be ok
trust me!

House move is ticking along
ok this week

I am just realising that
a "relationship"
is just not working
the boundaries have changed
and the attraction
and motives at the beginning
have changed
dynamics etc
why am I staying in it?
financial security will
be jeapodised if I am out of it
I dont know what will happen
and I dont know if I will be able to cope
and I dont like pain
and I dont like to not know
what will people think of me if it goes wrong
what if
what if
what if
all familiar fearful
stuff that comes up in my step 10's
over and over!!

So I tried to change
other relationships
which are working
instead of addressing the one
which isnt...
get it?

therefore being the actor
who tries to control
the show
I am bringing confusion
all around
especially in my own head

More prayers


Syd said...

I hope that the right decision will present itself. Forcing relationships isn't good. I've been there. I just made myself more unhappy. Take it easy Johno.

Kathy Lynne said...

I can identify...I have had the same realization about an almost 22yr marriage. I know I cannot change him but I'm not sure the relationship itself is something I cannot change and am still looking for the difference. I am going very slowly.

AlkySeltzer said...

hello, I've been 'brolling'--is that blog-trolling? Anyway, found this site on Mollys's WINO blog. And I clicked, and read, and said to myself, "Wow! This person is serious, and has sense of humor (not in that glum lot...)

Under FAITH (above) one word stuck out to me.."TRUST" I can believe until the cows come home, but I got to TRUST in what I believe in. That's the way it came to me.

Later you use that "bad" word, IF, IF, IF! And right there anyone will feel your frustration. But ya know, if you really let God be in charge (you mentioned that?) in the end, all will get better, well, maybe BEFORE the end...hopefully!

Visit my Blong some time.
Steve E.