Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Turn up until they tell you not too

Today was a day I havent had for a while
I mistake has come up
unearthed, from before Christmas
its just come to light
these things happen
bound too
when your at it the whole time
the more you do
the more % mistakes
if you know what I mean
not acceptance in a sloth way
just a fact
if you dont do anything
you wont err
yes its big
but then we do big stuff
but as with EVERYTHING
there is a process for dealing with BIG mistakes!

I didnt talk or freak
just prayed
took action
made a phone call
and then another
did the right thing
made the right call to the appropriate person
talked quietly low even
then got up walked away
went to talk with my manager another appropriate person
went to the kitchen for a coffee
went to walk back but didnt
paused, turned around and prayed
walked back

was told not to worry
was told the world would not stop
was agreed with this is a big a*se
was told NO I wouldnt have to NOT go on holiday!!

I am I to blame?
See no-one has said that
only me! in my head
no fingers pointed
we are our biggest critic

I knew what the right thing to do was next
go to a meeting
went back to my home group tonight
was like a girls reunion!
cool or what!

I love that church
after the meeting
I went and prayed at the alter
on my knees
I feel so very small in that big church
yet very safe at the alter
me and God

Grateful for the tools
grateful for using them
grateful I prayed last night and this morning
for restraint of tongue and pen
for the next right thing
Grateful for the discipline of earnest prayer
grateful for the step 3 prayer P63
and the prayer to have my fear to be removed
and my attention to be directed to what he would have me be P68
and the serenity prayer
and humility

God grant us the serenity
to accept the things we cannot change
the courage to change the things we can
and the wisdom to know the difference

On the way home, sent a mesg to sponsor
not a panic stricken, freak out
just a mesg to talk re work
yet at the same time
knowing that its prayer I need
this is a God moment
tonight is not the time to talk with a human
tonight its prayer I need
sometimes to reach out is enough
though the need to be fixed is not there
i want to do this with God
and I know that what I think is God
is sometimes absurd...
sometimes there is a need for counsel
give time time
Let God in

First job for tomorrow
pray and turn up
no matter what
Johno as always you go with God

We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.P83

God I am such a perfectionist
but even I f*ck up at times
and I was thinking it was all going
smoothly leading up to me
serene away from it all holiday

God said
Johno get real
this is life
in step 6 you agreed
that no longer would you
listen to your self centred head
that says these things are
a deliberate attempt to sabotage your serenity!

I know God, i seen that one already today

God said... well then!!
Read step 3 all of it... and then read this bit

Perhaps there is a better way-we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.p68


ok see ya

and Johno


stop worrying

1 comment:

Shadow said...

it's so very difficult to forgive ourselves... go with nike on this one: just do it!