Saturday, September 20, 2008

Just thinking whether I think about everything?

Paranoia
Do you think to much
overanalyse
?



Or think about what you think about me
or think you think what I think
or think about me
as much as I think you think about me or would like you to
or whether I think you dont think about me atall
I also think that what I think is not
always what you really think
but sometimes what I think must be true
because my thinking isnt always wrong
I dont think
anyway I think I have got over my paranoia
that you think I overanalyse
and assume you always think the worst of me
because I know what you think
because you think like do.. dont you?
or am i the only one taht thinks like this
infact am I the only one left in this world that thinks?
if only the world thought like me
it would be a better place!
and obviusly you spend far more time thinking about me
than I do about you
infact you must spend at least as much time thinking about me as I do about you
if you dont I will be offended
because I think I am that important
in my world which you obviously are the centre of
I think
anyway I am going to bed to think about what you are thinking
...about me obviously!

what do you think?
am I paranoid and overanalyse?
:D I thought I would add the smiley face
incase you think I am being serious
which I dont think I am
or perhaps having thought about it
I am
although I think today I can laugh about the insanity
of my thinking past and present and future

Seriously...
When I catch myself at any of this
it leads to FEAR
which leads to isolation
or reacting behaviour
wrong motives!
which inevitably lead to
further resentment
and thinking!
Feck!

OR it is because
I have acted driven by a defect
which doesnt sit well
pricks my Good/God conscience
resulting in me thinking, worrying (FEAR and pride)
needing to take inventory
and pray for the defects to be removed
and forgiveness... of God.. not always off the person
like it says in step 10

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God’s forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. P86

Thank God for Step 9
where I got to make the deal
I would try and behave diferently in future
Thank God for Step 5
where I learned it was and IS safe to admit to anoth AA human (sponsor)
Thank God for Step 10
where I get to get my thoughts out there
Thank God for Step 12
where I get to ask for help, my sponsor passes onto me what her sponsor passed onto her

"other people cannot SEE the madness in OUR heads!"

ahem... I dont think!!

3 comments:

Ungodly Sobriety said...

over analyze is my middle name!!!

PS Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Syd said...

I used to overanalyze but quit doing that because it led to "do" loops in my brain. I would analyze a situation and found that I would either set up expectations or have imaginary things going on that weren't real. Better to just let things be.

Lydia said...

This was pretty darned brilliant!