But I have to address it
self diagnosis doesnt work
and other people's doesnt either!
Its like my yoga teacher said
you get one think dealt with
and another comes up..
Just for today I am breathing
my heart is beating
I have a sense of humour
and life is actually good
there is nothing actually
to complain about that I KNOW of
My physio suggested I get another
referral for something else thats
come up while she has been treating
my shoulder... which is REALLY improving!
almost full movement wayhay!
follow her instructions
and it gets better
Go to GP to ask for another referral
she then questions why I think the physio
I said I dont know
I am just doing what the physio said
she asked what the symptoms are
I told her
she asked if I have x and y
and then said what do i think it is?
I said I dont know I hoped you might..
she then prescribed me some tablets
I whined as usual about pills not wanting, liking etc..
and she said well no point in me
prescribing if you are not going to take them
so I said well you know better than me you are the doctor
and she then said well your the patient!
I could see this was not going any where
(I am really fed up of symptoms)
I agreed to do it her way!
one week of pills
and a blood test
we'll see what happens
I'd rather know whats going on..
when you know what it is!
Anyway the blood man
said I have very small vein
or whatever it was he stuck the needle in
and it works very well
blood came out red which was a VERY good start!
if it had come out blue then I would
have thought God was having a laugh
after my new Royal title yesterday
Spoke with a fellow AA who
has the thing I am being tested for
I know she LIVES with this thing
as opposed to suffering with it
see nothing need be doom and gloom
of course I was initially disappointed
to not get the referral I wanted
and I have to take a frikkin pill
but I am doing as I am told to the letter!
I want to enjoy life nowadays
I got a degree and beach house coming up!
and if that means getting health stuff dealt with
and needles and stuff
then well I MUST !
Motives are completely honest
nothing mind bending
and I have no desire to continue after a week!
GP asked me if I smoked, nope
do I drink? nope not atall
she doesnt think blood tests will come up with
I thought about telling her I dont have irresponsible sex either
but I didnt...
Blood pressure is fine
I reckon its stress
working full time
part time degree & self study
eating, shopping, life
oh yeh, buying and selling
risk of redundancy
I wonder if this serenity
is only skin deep?
... or underneath
in the bits I cannot see or touch
am I a mass or a mess...
unserene trying to cope
and falling to pieces?
I really am keeping it in the day
at the moment
I have to!
sinch by the inch stuff
as it comes up
and its getting done
God show me what I must do next
Show me what it is you want me to do
Thy will not mine be done
Ps God... that thought I had the other night
abit doing less uni this term
extending it further...
was that You God or fear & self will?