Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I am Grateful

I caught myself self diagnosing my symptoms this morning & stopped
I got up and went to work instead of listening to me
I call up & went to GP today to see whats up with me
That I dont have something serious wrong with me (quelle suprise)
I Just have a virus
Am not infectious
That he told me to take it easy!!

I could still go to my home group with knowledge I wasnt contagious
sponsor that tells me to take inventory
sponsor that tells me there is no perfect sponsor
sponsor that tells me am full of fear
that I will take inventory, even though I THINK my sponsor is wrong!!
(dont you know who I am!?*)
Deep down I KNOW my sponsor is right (rarely wrong)
sponsee making progress
I am making progress
its all happening like inch by inch

(feels like am moving a great big heavy tanker along with my little finger
and at the same time I just noticed its like its moving slowly on its own
even if I dont push it, am starting to feel this is God doing it not me)

having a laugh with my Dad tonight
getting my work done today
Laughing at work
dressing becomingly
someone doing my work yesterday when I was laid up
Seeing how irresponsible overdoing it can be
Seeing how doing too much even when I THINK its ok
has led me to take a day off sick
this doesnt feel comfortable
I feel wired
Grateful to know how I feel & know that I can change

Evenings in, step 11, quiet time
I have these often and so enjoy them
Doing the opposite for the last 2 weeks
AND experiencing the consequences of NOT taking time out
has made me appreciate today
a) how how essential it is
b) that I can actually do this quiet time nowadays
c) that it is part of recovery
d) its God Will (not always mine)

Stop running round like a teenager
progress not perfection
cinch by the inch hard by the yard

Going to take inventory
Let God

Good night
God thank you keeping me sober, safe & healthy today


Syd said...

This is a poem. I like so much about it. It's okay to take a day off and be good to yourself. There is a lot of good stuff here. Thanks for sharing.

Blue said...

What a wonderful uplifting post johno!

Thanks for the greetings still hanging in there!!! Getting a little better :)