Saturday, May 12, 2007

I really believed it would never work for me...

and yet
last night my sponsor said...
I think its about time you looked at sponsoring!!!!
Oh my God
Its a miracle
I love being wrong

Even last year trudging through a step 5
of the previous year
I had thoughts of a conspiracy theory
that I would never get to this point
that something else would happen
and i would have to start again
or i would drink or something!?!?

Now I am very grateful
I keep welling up, tears of gratitude
I feel responsible
I also feel that I have a responsibility
I also also feel willing

God has never given me more than I can handle

Ps Going to an AA dance tonight,
one of those growth things
doing something I dont want to do
........just for excersize (see Just for today card)
and for fun!! no-one said I have to dance
just turn up and see what happens

Social life in and out of AA is maxed out
having to say no to stuff is essential
hectic is not something that feels comfortable
and its not what was passed on to me
watching the clock prevents me staying in the moment
learning to let go of social opportunities
and trust that more will come along
Step 3 stuff

so am looking at balance
and learning how to say, I have to leave now
... and then leaving

Also TRYING to bed early more regularly
result is, am waking up a little earlier
(this doesnt mean that I get out of bed
just means i wake earlier)
even getting cuppa tea and breakfast before leaving home
instead of when i get to work!!

some progress being made
am happy with that

ps. just had a thought, which could be mistaken as quite innocent
"i need to eat before i go out" (dancing Saturday night)
or its just proof that my old thinking
crops up at the strangest of moments haha
I will eat anyway :-) and pray

1 comment:

Syd said...

Glad that you are enjoying the fellowship of AA. Dancing and enjoying laughter is good for the soul. It sounds as if you are making great progress towards happiness. It works if you work it, doesn't it?