Saturday, May 19, 2007

Willing to go to any length ?


Taking this 12th step work a day at a time
it feels like the most natural thing to do
I have very little fear
my prides not big or small
Its all alright, feels ordinary really
Keeping it all very simple
Hour by hour
little expectation of self and other as possible
Letting God in on it all
keeping the channel open
paying attention
day/hour/minute at a time

Remembering my early experiences with my sponsors
Yeh I have already heard stuff I came out with,
said to me this week
and I am ALREADY coming out with stuff,
that each of my sponsors suggested to me in response OMG
Am grateful I paid attention, was willing, honest,
and openminded however limited!!
Had that gift of desperation
and was scared to death of going back

am grateful for the patience, pity and tolerence, tough love that
sponsors and the AA fellowship gave me
and continue to
Its true I am not special & different
And it has worked for me too
Thank you

Its official, step 12
Subconsciously, ie sleeping
Nightmares have started
I forgot about them until they started up again
Started working with a sponsee "Tuesday"
Nightmares 3 out of 4 nights since
Past experience shows
Step 12 am on the journey from my head to my heart

My fear has lots of time to play around when am asleep
I am powerless over my mind when am asleep
oddly, getting slashed badly with a stanley blade
and having a gun held to my head and being shot
were both on my fears list
this was my nightmare last night
none of this I have experienced in real life

Then I woke up and it was Saturday
The sun was shining
Had that lay in
and had a fab day
Met up with sponsee
Am grateful
Now am tired

What does tonights have in store!!
its like having my very own internal Blockbuster Store
ha ha

Good night
love ya God

1 comment:

Syd said...

What a great post. Thanks for your words. I need to remember so many of the things that you write about. Right now my life is simple because of where I am but when I get back on land, it could be very different.