Self will or Gods will - together or apart

the last post I wrote for me
to remind me
I do not drink safely atall
DO NOT DEBATE IT

the more I head out of the rooms
and behave ? normal
the more family/friends drink in their normal way
ie the champagne has been out since
11am along with beer and wine last few days
and whisky and other stuff
swimming in the pool and then
a trip down the shop,,, in the car
for food supplies
this is normal holiday routines

no they dont want me to drive
so much to let go of
yeh I want him to just be himself
I feel good that they drink what they want
when they want...
without thinking about me

I got jealous this weekend
thats all
Alcohol got interesting

BUT they talk sh*t when they are drunk
two nights running hear the same things
I cant do this, well I can
but it bores the hell out of me
sex, women, gossip and gadgets

am jealous! of that... see what defects
Listening to my head, gets me
full of self pity
its dishonest too
The weathers great
tans coming on fine
absolutely should be relaxing
am me am obsessing about what I am missing out on
and how I want to read for my xam in january
andwhy I cant pick up emails.... well one in particular
its all about me and my self seeking

Pride... what will people this of me if I drink?
Fear yeh I see how cunning and baffling and powerful
this stuff is

yet I have a choice ALWAYS A CHOICE
i can NOT take part in social and festivities
Or I can stay honest
pray for a sober day
I dont want to get drunk
I just want to fit in
drink champagne celebrate with my brother
not drink heineken and f*rt

tomorrow I pray
for a sober day
for God to show me how I may be of service
for his words not mine
and show me how I may be of maximum helpfulness
and a smile
and acceptance is the answer....

merry chrsutams
self swill run riot

My name is johno and I am an alcoholic